Who Ate All The Pies

Huge HolloWatch - oh yeah!

We are not easily excited here at Pies... OK so we are a bunch of over-exciteable football fanatics who take great pleasure in doing battle with Mark Lawrenson every week (without his knowledge), still collect football stickers (despite being far too old to be taking part in such activities) and need a sit down and a cup of tea at the thought of our lovely readers voting for us in the Brit Blog Awards.

But if there is one thing that is absolutely guaranteed to get us animated it's a BIG, FAT INTERVIEW WITH IAN HOLLOWAY!!! Read on HolloFans.

Huge HolloWatch - oh yeah! continued

The Plymouth boss was the subject of The Big Interview in yesterday's Sunday Times, which equals 3,484 of Holloway magic. It's lacking on his usual bizarre metaphors and post-match ramblings, but you can't help but like the guy. The whole article is well worth a read, but I'll leave you with his most HolloWatch worthy quote:

"I’m getting plaudits for being a comedian - I’m not a comedian, I’m a football manager and I want to manage at the highest level. I took a while to get there as a player and I’ll take a while to get there as a manager, but I’m going to get there . . . But I don’t think my accent helps."

Click here for the full interview. [Rob Parker]

David Beckham's Photoshop School: Holloway vs badger

Hey everybody and welcome to David Beckham's Photoshop School! - it's just like my Soccer Schools, but helping talented young kids to develop their Photoshop skills. This week, I've Photoshopped Ian Holloway's head onto the body of a badger emerging from its sett. It's topical and slightly disturbing.
keep on 'Shopping!
David 'I'm off to Hollywoodland' Beckham

HolloWatch: Ian Holloway's reaction to the FA Cup draw

"We are a banana skin left in this competition," declared Ian Holloway after seeing his Plymouth side drawn at home to Watford in the FA Cup quarter finals. If there are any managers out there wondering how to cope with a cup run, remember: it's great for the fans, tuck it in the top pocket and get on with the bread and butter of the league!

[Rob Parker]

HolloWatch: 'If I was offered the Man Utd job, I'd turn it down and stay at Plymouth Argyle'

Plenty of good stuff in Ian Holloway's latest column for the BBC Sport website. What struck me most was Ollie's claim that if Fergie left Man Yoo and offered him the hot seat at Old Trafford, he'd say no and stay at Home Park: ' I'd stay at Argyle,' claims Ollie. 'I'm an Argyle boy at the minute. I've got a three-year contract which I'm delighted with and when I start out to do a job, I want to finish it.'

Very diplomatic Ian, but somehow I don't believe you! He also gives his opinions on Paul Jewell's rant ('Paul's a really nice bloke…'), Valentine's Day (Ian took his missus to an Indian restaurant but didn't buy her flowers) and Argyle's imminent FA Cup tie against Derby ('We're proud to be playing them…').

One to watch: Dan Gosling

Young Plymouth Argyle right-back Dan Gosling has made the papers this morning amid rumours that Jose Mourinho is staring longingly towards Home Park and wishing he could sneak the transfer window back open.

Gosling signed his first professional contract earlier this month when he turned 17, which - as the mathematicians among you will have worked out - means he is a professional footballer born in the 1990s. Scary!

One to watch: Dan Gosling continued

His boss at Plymouth, Ian Holloway, is trying to keep his young charge's feet on the ground. In a relatively sober quote, he said: "It's the first rung on the ladder that we hope he will climb all the way to the top. If he keeps working hard, he has got a real chance of being a Premiership player. I am really looking forward to working with him and helping him get there - but he's done nothing yet."

Gosling fancies himself as a midfielder in the style of Roy Keane, although I don't suppose he would mind the opportunity to play at right-back for the Premier League champions! [Rob Parker]

HolloWatch: Ian shares his thoughts on American takeovers

In his weekly BBC Sport column, Ian Holloway has been giving his opinion (of course!) on the current trend for takeovers of Premier League teams by American tycoons. He said: "If their money speaks and they don't interfere with the manager's decisions I'd take money from absolutely anybody. It could be a butcher, could be anybody. Give me the money and I'll spend it, me old cocker!"

HolloWatch: Ian shares his thoughts on American takeovers continued

He continued: "I love those American adverts for Budweiser - multi-ball, final shoot-out and all that...."you stick to the soccer, we'll stick to the beer". So especially for Pies treasure Ian Holloway here is his favourite advert:

[Rob Parker]

Is Jose Mourinho the new Ian Holloway?

If this quote was unattributed I would have put good money on it being the latest post-match comment / bizarre analogy to be uttered from the mouth of 'Sir' Ian Holloway. However, closer inspection reveals that it is Jose Mourinho who is losing sleep over his team's injury crisis.

"It's like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But the blanket is made of cashmere!"

Click below for Pies' attempted translation!

Is Jose Mourinho the new Ian Holloway? continued

Blanket - squad
Bed - ideal squad size
Feet - exposed makeshift centre-backs
Supermarket - transfer window / Mr Abramovich's wallet

Hopefully that clears that up! [Rob Parker]

HolloWatch: Ian's been 'polishing his car'

Just when you think it's gone quiet on the Hollers front, he comes up with another classic quote. To give you the background, the Argyle boss was responding to a question about David 'Chuck' Norris and Tony Capaldi, two of his players at Plymouth. Last season, Holloway had the money to extend just one of the pair's contracts, and he chose Norris over Capaldi (who is now seeking a transfer). This is Hollers on the Norris/Capaldi situation:

'I've been polishing that car since I've been here. Unfortunately, I didn't buy it off the forecourt straight away [last summer] … I'm not going to spend all this time polishing that car and then let somebody rip it away from me off my drive in the summer for absolutely nothing. That's bad business. Somebody is going to have to buy it off me, and I might have to push it off my drive if it doesn't want to go.'

Swiss Toni lives! [Via Western Morning News]

Ian Holloway to be disciplined for Blatter remarks?

Plymouth Argyle boss/Pies hero Ian Holloway could be in hot water over reported comments made about Fifa President Sepp Blatter. Ollie allegedly blamed Blatter for the changes to the offside law and branded him 'an idiot and a lunatic' after Argyle's 1-1 draw with Southampton in the Championship.

Argyle had a late goal ruled out for offside in the New Year's Day game at Home Park. An FA spokesman said: 'We have written to Ian Holloway for his explanation as to these comments.' Holloway reportedly said: 'Sepp Blatter: you are an idiot. Put the rules back to what they should be. He is a complete lunatic.' (We should point out that Blatter is not personally responsible for the changes to the offside rules.)

HolloWatch: If Pete Doherty can marry Kate Moss, 'there's hope for all of us ugly bastards!'

Ian Holloway's latest column for the BBC Sport website (check it out here) is as entertaining as ever. He discusses broken New Year's resolutions, West Ham's woes, the FA Cup third round and the Pete Doherty/Kate Moss axis of tabloid evil, on which he is particularly enlightening: 'I think that'll be a very good catch for him. All I can say is there's hope for all of us ugly bastards. I've got a lovely woman and so's he – fair play.'

In other HolloWatch news, Ian is hoping to splash some cash in the January transfer window: 'I'm trying my utmost to add to what we've got here,' he told the Western Morning News. 'A striker is a priority, obviously. One of the bids is for a striker. The other one is for a utility player who can play in loads of different positions.'

Hollers also had typically bonkers words for injured Plymouth winger Bojan Djordjic, who requires an operation on a fractured cheekbone: 'There were some complications with his operation and they had to get him to go under again. His eye filled up with blood, and all sorts of stuff.

'When they moved it, they trapped a blood vessel and it looks absolutely horrific. You wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley. He looks like Count Dracula's kid brother, but he'll soon be back to the good-looking lad that he is, whereas I'm stuck looking like this, which is something he did tell me last weekend. But I don't want to joke about it, because it is quite serious.'

Happy New Year Ian! Up the Argyle!

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