Who Ate All The Pies

Shit England manager week: Kevin Keegan thinks he abuses Jean

Women of the world, wouldn't you love it, just LOVE IT, if you could go out with the hotness that is Kevin Keegan? Just watch how he carries his blouson/jacket over his shoulder, not to mention the exemplary way he treats his lovely wife Jean…

Shit England manager week: David Beckham's Photoshop School

'Hello, David Beckham here, writing this in my LA mansion. Welcome to my Photoshop School, where talented young Photoshoppers can come, for a small (well, large actually) fee and learn proper mad skills off me, innit. This week I done a poster wiv Sean Penn and that nasty man Steve McClaren, who's so stupid he won't ever pick me again. I also included a moody pic of Frankie Lampard, who's rubbish at dead balls, unlike me who's the best dead ball-kicker in the world, at least that's what adidas tell me to say, innit. Gotta go now, the phone's going… Victoria… VICTORIA! That little Scientology fella's on the phone again…'

Tremendously topical YouTube video: Ruud van Nistelrooy's goal celebration, Holland vs Andorra

A random YouTube search for 'Andorra' threw up some Eurovision Song Contest bollocks and this memorable goal celebration by RVN. Having been taunted by Andorra's players for missing a penalty, Ruud gets his own back in his own special (ie. childish) way.

Top 20 Comedy Football Moments, Vol. 2

We fricking love bloopers. This compilation is perfect for a lazy Friday afternoon (thanks to Pies reader rozkminiacz for the spot). Watch out for the horny Owls at No.2…

Classic Moment: Referee scores a goal in Brazil

The referee's a poacher! In this clip from the 1980s, a Brazilian referee manages to get himself on the scoresheet as he deflects a shot into the back of the net. The man in black is goal-hanging on the back post and finds himself in the right place at the right time. The opposition are understandably not best pleased with this!

[Rob Parker]

French footballer sues his coach for 'calling his honour into question'

A French footballer has launched a defamation lawsuit against his coach for allegedly claiming he was no longer good enough to play for the team. Troyes defender Jean-Louis Montero is suing his coach Jean-Marc Furlan in what is believed to be the first case of its kind.

Montero said: "This has nothing to do with the fact I'm no longer playing. He has called my honour into question on numerous occasions. In an article written on November 28, he said that I was no longer good enough to play in the first division. I have played 200 matches in that league."

French footballer sues his coach for 'calling his honour into question' continued

The 34-year-old is not even playing in the struggling club's reserve team at present. I suppose - if the allegations are true - you could argue that they would be damaging to Montero's career, but he is a daft brave man to step out of line and sue his manager for tittle-tattle. Besides, a day in court listening to evidence about why you are no longer good enough to play top-flight footballer does not sound like a lot of fun! It sounds like he might deserve a place in our sulky French footballers list. [Via The Offside, Rob Parker]

Shaun Wright Phillips and Frank Lampard take on the wibbly wobbly challenge

Welcome to Jose Mourinho's 18-30 holiday camp. First up on today's activities is Frank Lampard and Shaun Wright Phillips on the wibbly wobbly challenge. This is quite possibly the cleanest strike of Lampard's career!

[Via The Offside, Rob Parker]

The real Shaolin Soccer

Karate kick, go! Ouch, that's gotta sting. As far as I can make it, it's a foul by Anthony Tieku on Leendert van Steensel, committed during a German league match between Koblenz and FC Jena.

Dutch referee in trouble for celebrating an Ajax goal

Dutch referee Eric Braamhaar is in trouble after appearing to celebrate Ajax's fifth goal in their 5-1 drubbing of PSV Eindhoven last weekend. The official - who oversaw Manchester United controversial 0-1 win against Lille in the Champions League last month - was spotted by TV cameras pumping his fist following Kenneth Perez's goal. The official claimed he was pleased at playing an advantage in the lead up to the goal.   

[Via Metro, Rob Parker]

Top 10 goals scored by goalkeepers (with video evidence)

'Tis the season for goalies to get their name on the scoresheet. Like these special chaps…

1 Anonymous dude with a foot like a traction engine
This incredible goal makes me grin like an idiot every time I watch it. Undoubtedly the best ever goal scored by a 'keeper.

2 José Luis Chilavert
The world's most famous scoring goalkeeper is one of the small band of No.1s who have scored more than one goal - but then he did take free-kicks and penalties. The Paraguayan scored an amazing 62 goals in his pro career, a few of which you can watch here:

3 Rogerio Ceni
The only genuine rival to Chilavert's crown, Ceni is still playing, for Sao Paulo in Brazil. He has actually scored more goals than Chilavert. Ceni's tally currently stands at 69 (tee-hee), the most by any 'keeper in the history of the game.

4 Peter Schmeichel
The Great Dane can't match the scoring feats of Chilavert or Ceni, but he did manage to finish his playing career with 10 goals, including this volley, which any striker would be proud of:

5 Hans-Jorg Butt
You have to laugh…

6 Luis Martinez
Columbia's keeper puts one over on Poland's Tomasz Kuszczak. Now I see what Fergie saw in the Pole. Great commentary too.

7 Some Japanese dude
A carbon copy of Paul Robinson's recent effort.

8 Mark Crossley…
…Rises like a wardrobe to equalise.

9 High-school soccer dude
Posted recently on Pies but worth its place.

10 John Kluba
No, we'd not heard of the Continental Indoor Soccer League either. But well done John. Go Twisters!