Who Ate All The Pies

Sneijder scores a cracker as Ajax thump PSV 5-1

In one of the biggest shocks of the weekend, Ajax cut PSV’s lead at the top of the Eredivisie to five points after battering them 5-1 away from home. With five games remaining, things look to be hotting up. Pick of the goals from the game is this ripsnorter for Sneijder. Pick that out!

Goal Sneijder
Uploaded by Sjiro

Uefa Cup draw: Tottenham face Sevilla in quarter-finals

Quarter-final draw
AZ Alkmaar v Werder Bremen
Bayer Leverkusen v Osasuna
Sevilla v TOTTENHAM
Espanyol v Benfica
(Ties to be played on 5 and 12 April)

Semi-final draw
Espanyol or Benfica v AZ Alkmaar or Werder Bremen
Bayer Leverkusen or Osasuna v Sevilla or TOTTENHAM
(Ties to be played 26 April and 3 May)

Favourable draws for English clubs in Europe was never going to last. Following Uefa's best attempts to ease all three English clubs into the semi-finals of the Champions League, the luck has ran out for Tottenham. Spurs will face competition-holders Sevilla in the next round. On current form this should be the final really. The winners of that tie will face either Bayer Leverkusen or Osasuna.

In the other half of the draw, Espanyol - who I fancy as an outside bet for the tournament - take on Benfica, while AZ Alkmaar (fresh from tickling Newcastle's bellies) play Werder Bremen. [Rob Parker]

Instead of watching Newcastle roll over you should have Toon-ed in to Shakhtar Donetsk v Sevilla

While Newcastle were busy securing yet another trophy-less season by going out of the Uefa Cup with the wimpiest of whimpers against AZ Alkmaar last night, the tie of the round was being played out in Ukraine. Here are the goals from the match between Shakhtar Donetsk and Sevilla. Watch out for a scorpion goal from Metuzalem - which is nearly as good as this one - and the injury-time equaliser from Sevilla goalkeeper Palop.

David Navarro gets seven month ban (and Benny Hill treatment)

With Valencia's David Navarro being handed a seven month ban after battering Nicolas Burdisso, it's only fair to make him look even more stupid by showing his fracas again. However, this time it's soundtracked by the Benny Hill theme.

Mutu branded a "gypsy"

Italian football is making me sick at the moment. Match fixing, rioting than lead to the death of a policeman, the debacle that followed when the San Siro was opened without proper security, and now, Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini refusing to apologise after making derogatory comments about Fiorentina's Romanian striker Adrian Mutu.

Zamparini was furious after Mutu fired home with a Palermo player lying injured and in need of treatment in Sunday's 1-1 draw at Stadio Renzo Barbera. "Mutu, like a good gypsy, has tried to be slick," said Zamparini after the match. "Then again, all Romanians are slick, they have it on their DNA." These remarks have upset the Romanian FA who have demanded a public apology. Italian football authorities have confirmed they will investigate Zamparini's outburst, but the Palermo supremo insists he will stand by his comments. He said: "I don't have to feel ashamed or have to apologise. "The fact that they [the Italian FA] have opened an investigation leaves me indifferent. "In fact, they will do me a great favour if they threw me out, then I would leave football." [Mof Gimmers]

Valencia and Inter to find out fate after brawl

Today Valencia and Inter Milan will find out if they are to be punished by Uefa for the huge fisticuffs that ensued after their Champions League tie. Valencia duo Carlos Marchena and David Navarro and Inter's Nicolas Burdisso, Ivan Cordoba and Maicon were also charged with gross unsporting conduct. Uefa's Control and Disciplinary Body will decide any punishments, with a decision expected at about three this afternoon.

David Navarro can expect a kicking after breaking Burdisso's nose in the fight which broke out at full-time which saw Valencia progressing to the quarter-finals of the competition on away goals after a 0-0 draw in the second leg at the Mestralla. Of course, no-one really remembers the result  which was overshadowed by events on the final whistle which saw Inter coach Roberto Mancini calling Navarro "a coward". Mancini said: "Now I have seen the footage there's nothing else you can say about someone who throws a punch like that and runs away." [Mof Gimmers]

Lionel Messi 3-3 Real Madrid

Spurs v Chelsea wasn't the only thrilling 3-3 draw this weekend. Spain's big grudge match also came out even, thanks to the magic of the marvellous Mr Messi. This excellent video shows Messi's every touch in that game, including his memorable hat-trick:

Liverpool v Barcelona, the Spanish view (with 'You'll Never Walk Alone' karaoke)

Even if you don't speak Spanish, you get a great idea of how Spanish TV saw the game. Watch out for the awesome karaoke version of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' at the beginning of the video.

Champions League quarter-final draw: Liverpool, Chelsea & Man Utd avoid each other

AC Milan v Bayern Munich
PSV Eindhoven v LIVERPOOL
Roma v MANCHESTER UNITED
CHELSEA v Valencia

Click below for the Pies verdict.

Champions League quarter-final draw continued

So much for Sepp Blatter conspiracy theories! The quarter-final draw could not have been any kinder to the English teams. For this reason, the tie of the round (on paper at least) does not involve an English side: AC Milan v Bayern Munich sounds like a pretty mouthwatering prospect.

You would expect Liverpool to progress against PSV Eindhoven - although you would have expected Arsenal to. The Dutch outfit are by far the weakest side left in the tournament. Manchester United would have settled for Roma before the draw, I am sure. And Chelsea face a Valencia side which will presumably be weakened by a suspension or two following their brawl with Inter.

[Rob Parker]

Monterrubio lob for Lens

In the Lens - Leverkusen match, Monterrubio scored this peach of a lob to kick start the French sides victory in the UEFA Cup. What strikes me about this goal is that no-one seems to try these anymore, with strikers preferring to try and drill it under the 'keepers body. So Monterrubio, we salute you for your old fashioned goal!

Lens - Leverkusen | 1-0 Monterrubio
Uploaded by ChrissyUnited

[Mof Gimmers]