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Israel v England, the real player ratings

Banana Paul Robinson Robbo (pictured, left) failed miserably to score the goals for which he was brought into the side. And he wore gloves when it wasn't even cold. 1/10
Phil Neville
His lopsided face only served to upset the balance in the team. Surely Gary/Phil's sister Tracey would be a better bet? One point for at least trying to sing the National Anthem (unlike comrade Gary, who never does). 1/10
Rio Ferdinand
Tried gamely to merk Israel's defence with pinpoint passes. Failed gamely too. Solid at the back, in the face of Israel's relentless 'stay in our own half' attack. 2.5/10
John Terry
Our Captain Marvel didn't put a foot wrong, or right for that matter. Time to ditch the Foxton's-estate agent haircut though. 1/10
Jamie Carragher
The Best Centre-Half in the World (Scouse trademark) was unfairly played out of position, so he gets a full 10/10

Owen Hargreaves Looks like one of Jossy's Giants but plays like a young Carlton Palmer. A truly world-class water carrier. 2/10
Steven Gerrard
Wore his heart on his sleeve - messy. No player misplaces passes with such enthusiasm and verve. 9/10
Frank Lampard
Stevie Mac needs to build his team around the World's Second Best Player. That way, we'll get rid of the manager in no time. -2/10
Aaron Lennon
This tiny man confuses the opposition and his team-mates in equal measure. Fast feet, not-so-fast brain. Shows promise though. 6/10
Wayne Rooney Exposed as the Sergei Rebrov to Cristiano Ronaldo's Andrei Shevchenko. 3/10
Andy Johnson 'Worked the channels tirelessly', when he should have been 'scoring goals tirelessly'. 2/10

March 26, 2007 in International football | Permalink


Was this written by a scouser by any chance? If Carragher gets 10/10 for playing out of position, so should Lennon. Unlike Carragher, Lennon even tried to pass the ball with his left foot!

Posted by: Billyo | Mar 26, 2007 1:42:58 PM

LMAO. Rio Ferdinand could ping failed long balls out of defence until the year 3000 ( to two short front men btw ) and never realise they're f*****g useless.

Posted by: OmegaSupremeho | Mar 26, 2007 1:45:52 PM

Only a tounge-in-cheek Scouser, Billyo

Posted by: Ollie, Pies Ed. | Mar 26, 2007 1:47:17 PM

Misplaces passes? What the hell does that mean? Oh, I guess he shouldn't set up Lampard (twice!) for apparent goals. Nor be the best player on the field by far. 9/10 is what I would have given him too.

Lennon didn't do shite. So overrated, only created one chance for the team and it was shite chance at that. Ooooo he's fast! Who cares? He's a liability.

Posted by: Brian | Mar 26, 2007 1:47:46 PM

All the ratings are tongue-in-cheek Brian - I think there are enough sincere ratings out there for fans to peruse. For what it's worth, I agree about Gerrard - he was our best player and obviously should be captain, a position he craves and would excel at (see Liverpool).

Posted by: Ollie, Pies Ed. | Mar 26, 2007 1:52:33 PM

Hmmmmm... still, I think Hargreaves deserves more. He's the only one in the side with an injury-excuse, and still he didn't do too badly. Had a nice little tackle-and-open-channel-pass on Lennon, I remember. Unfortunately, there was no one for the young hopeful who is BETTER THAN ROONEY to play it to.

Posted by: Joe | Mar 26, 2007 8:06:30 PM

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