Who Ate All The Pies

Classic Moment: Thierry Henry's backheel against Charlton, 2004

Arsenal will be hoping for another Thierry Henry goal against Charlton this afternoon (particularly one as special as this outrageous backheel from October 2004).

News Balls: Wayne Rooney puts in extra training to rediscover his form

Wayne Rooney clocks up some overtime [Guardian]
Spurs will bid £10 million for Joe Cole [Team Talk]
Mido takes a swipe at Sol Campbell [Guardian]
Sven set for Inter Milan [Mirror]
Tim Lovejoy reckons Shevchenko will come good. Breathe easy, Chelsea fans [The Sun]

Watford fans take their broccoli on their Five-a-day away day

The crazy cats at Watford blog site BHappy have been smuggling their groceries into Premier League grounds again. Hornets fans making the trip to Wigan last week went armed with broccoli. The stunt was the second in blogger Matt Rowson's (pictured, right) Five-a-day Away-days series, having already taken a solitary banana to Bolton's Reebok Stadium.

There was apparently a better turn out of broccoli than bananas, but Matt is still hoping for a better turnout when he announces which item of fruit or veg is to invade the Emirates Stadium a week on Saturday.

[Rob Parker]

Ben Thatcher will not face police charges over Pedro Mendes incident

Every man and his dog knows Ben Thatcher stuck one on Pedro Mendes, but the police do not think they could get anything to stick on Thatcher. In a statement released today, Greater Manchester Police said that Thatcher would not face charges for his elbow on Mendes and that the matter would be dealt with by the FA.

Thatcher could still be in hot water over his elbow on former Blackburn Rovers player Ralph Welch which came to light after the Mendes incident. Click here to read more.

[Rob Parker]

Fantasy Friday: week 6 review

It's still way too early to say who's going to win the Pies fantasy league, but I can confidently say that Ashley is currently the bookies' favourite to lose his job. Click below for the table…

Fantasy Friday: week 6 review continued…

This week's league table:

1 Modbury Juniors (Ollie) 80 points
2= Where Was Dean Ashton? (Tommy) 77
2= Scrumpy Rovers (Simon) 77

4 Houssemayne FC (Jan) 76
5 Pauper For Manse (Rob P) 71
6 West Country All-Stars (Ben) 70
7 Onimans Legends (James) 64
8 Strictly Badmanism (Matt M) 63 
9= Gimmervision (Mof) 52 
9= Villa Rourke Fc (Jez) 52
11 Tanghall Tykes (Matt D) 50
12 Felixs X1 (Felix) 45
13 Dynamo George Vader (Rob W) 44

14 Dial Square (Nicholas) 42
15 Big Bunch of Lewsers (Lewis) 39
16 Abney Park Rangers (Ash) 38
 
Good week for… Me. Hell yes.
Bad week for… Ash, who is now firmly entrenched in the relegation zone. A Thierry Henry hat-trick will change all that though.

Steven Gerrard's Top 10 Goals

The boy can hit 'em…

This week's Premiership predictions

Saturday
Bolton v Liverpool (12.45pm) Won't be many goals at the Reebok. Liverpool should have the edge. 0:1
Charlton v Arsenal (3pm) I expect Charlton's miderable start to continue. 0:2
Chelsea v Aston Villa (3pm) Villa will make it very tough for Chelsea, who played in Europe mid-week. 1:0
Everton v Man City (3pm) A comfortable home win will put Stuart Pearce under more pressure. 3:1
Sheffield Utd v Middlesbrough (5.15pm) Predicting a match involving 'Boro is a nightmare. They should have too much quality for the Blades. 1:2

This week's Premiership predictions continued…

Sunday
West Ham v Reading (2pm) West Ham desperately need a win against Alan Pardew's old team. They should get it on Sunday. 2:1
Blackburn v Wigan (3pm) This Lancashire derby should be high on passion and bookings, but low on quality. 1:0
Man Utd v Newcastle (3pm) Newcastle can't defend, Man Yoo love to attack. Could be lots of goals. 4:1
Tottenham v Portsmouth (4pm) After their home defeat to Bolton on Monday night, has the Portsmouth bubble burst? This will be tough for Harry's army. 2:1

Monday
Watford v Fulham (8pm) Fulham's away form is usually dreadful, but I fancy them to pick up a point here. 1:1

The Fiendish Friday Quiz

It's that time again. Stop what you're doing and have a good hard think…

1 Who was the first East German to play for the unified German national side?
2 Only one player has appeared for Man Utd, Man City, Liverpool and Everton. Who?
3 In the film Spinal Tap, 'lukewarm' bassist Derek Smalls wears an English club's shirt in several scenes. Which club?
4 Who's this brooding Premiership footballer (see photo)?

5 Which Spanish Premiership footballer's name translates into English as 'John Field'?
6 Tottenham, Oxford (Loan), Ipswich (Loan), Leicester, Bolton (current club). Which veteran's career path?

Answers below…

The Fiendish Friday Quiz continued…

Answers:

1 Matthias Sammer, against Switzerland in 1990.
2 Peter Beardsley.
3 Shrewsbury Town.
4 Bobby Convey, of Reading.
5 Ivan Campo.
6 Ian Walker.

So how did you do? Anyone get all six right?

10 more things you'll never hear a football manager say

Back by popular demand:

1 Sam Allardyce: "I'm so proud of you, son."
2 Chris Coleman: "I think referees can be intimidated by the crowd here at Craven Cottage, so I do feel sorry for away teams when decisions go against them."
3 Martin Jol: "Another midfielder? No thanks, my squad is at its optimum size."
4 Rafa Benitez: "Of course those left out might be upset, but it's important we get some consistency in the side."
5 Paul Jewell: "I just hope Pascal knows that the door is always open."
6 Steve Bruce: "You like my new nose? Why thankyou. My surgeon is an artist."
7 Gareth Southgate: "I'll be dropping him for the next match. I mean, how hard can it be to score a penalty? You're one-on-one and 12 yards out!"
8 Stuart Pearce: "Now Beanie the horse has been on the touchline with, it's only fair all your other cuddly toys have a go."
9 David Moyes: "Wayne Rooney is like a son to me."
10 Mick McCarthy: "I can't talk for long - I'm going for a game of squash with Roy Keane."

Part One and 10 things you'll never hear a football commentator say

[Rob Parker]

West Ham - Garbage (and the spirit of '66)

West Ham fans are usually the first to admit that there were players who played in England's World Cup winning side that didn't play at Upton Park. Of course that is a massive lie as West Ham seem to have the smuggest fans this side of Stretford, and a manager to compliment that smuggo attitude. The players aren't too grounded either. Too many times I've heard 'back where we belong' comments from them, the press and Trevor Brooking. Now I can't help but laugh my sweet little cheeks bright red at their exit in the UEFA Cup last night.

Throughout the West Ham forums, they all cried for the spirit of Moore and Hurst... and should those players feature in last night's match, they probably would have wondered why they didn't move to Chelsea in the summer, and who that striker up front was who looked like a fat Maradona.

West Ham have always been a side I've disliked. I don't like the faux barrow boy fans. I don't like this talk of being a big club either. If memory serves me right, they only won the play-off finals in recent years. So why exactly do we always hear about how marvelous they are? Palermo showed them a lesson last night. West Ham were comprehensively beaten by a mediocre Italian outfit... wearing pink. It's amusing to note that West Ham have about three hundred strikers too... and couldn't hit a thousand mule's arses with eighty planes dropping atom bombs.

If the Hammers learned a little bit of humility, they wouldn't be so bad (and half the country wouldn't be sniggering at them now)... but until that day, they can blow bubbles out of their bumholes for all I care. Pardew - first managerial casualty in the Premiership - guaranteed.

[Mof Gimmers]