Set The Video: Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

ShatnerTonight's guest list includes the evergreen (although by now going a little brown and crinkly at the edges) William Shatner. Wossy must be salivating at the endless possibilities for cringe-inducing questions this opens up:

"HOW (elbows hugged tight into chest, face a mask of tortured pain) did you ever manage to convince anyone you could act?" (voice rising with each of the last five syllables)

"WHEN did you finally decide to give up wearing a girdle?"

"WHY after 50 years in the acting business, in TV series including Star Trek, TJ Hooker and Boston Legal, and starring in seven Star Trek feature films that grossed almost $750 million world-wide, do you still have to advertise cereal bars?"

Oh yeah, and there's some guy called Robbie Williams in the show too.

* Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, BBC1 10.35pm Friday, May 19

By johnberesford on May 19, 2006 in Channel: BBC1, Sci Fi, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Peaches Geldof Makes Muslim TV Show

She's still a mere slip of a girl, but something tells me Peaches Geldof is going to be irritating - sorry, entertaining - the masses for some time yet.

Bob Geldof's daughter is currently in Morocco, filming Getting God for Channel 4. A kind of highbrow homage (if anything involving someone named after a fruit could ever be called "highbrow") to Paris and Nicole's The Simple Life, Getting God promises to take things one step further by forcing Peaches to live with a devout Muslim family, adopting their lifestyle and no doubt scaring the bejesus out of them with her wild Western ways. I, for one, can't wait. [Amber McNaught]

By *Amber* on May 18, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Steve Coogan sings with Bjork

Many didn't like Steve Coogan's persona of Tony Ferrino. He went down like a sack of human dung in the nostril club. That all said, I happened to like him. His humiliation of Mick Hucknall, his ridiculous lack of knowing, and of course, his singing. Years ago, he dueted with Icelandic Pop Powerhouse, Bjork, and Comic Relief caught it on tape.

[Mof Gimmers]

By mofgimmers on May 16, 2006 in Comedy, Nostalgia Corner, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Robbie Williams to star in Charity Football Match Soccer Aid on ITV1

Robbiewilliams_socceraidITV1 will be showing something quite unusual this summer in the form of the Soccer Aid football tournament.

The event will feature celebrities playing for their respective countries, all in the name of charity... namely Unicef. Raising funds will be Robbie Williams, Gordon Ramsey, Brian McFadden, Jamie Theakston and Ronnie O'Sullivan. Alongside the TV folk will be ex professionals including David Seaman, Ruud Gullitt, Gazza and David Ginola.

Watch this space for more details.

[Mof Gimmers]

By mofgimmers on May 15, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Reality TV, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Noel Edmonds to appear on Big Brother

Noel_1Noel Edmonds. Once on the scrapheap of life, now thriving as celebrity TV man number one. Not only is he the main cheese of Deal or No Deal, but now it looks like the man with the cosmic lists is to appear on forthcoming Big Brother. Producers apparently want Edmonds to host a special Deal Or No Deal-style challenge for the new set of housemates

A source told Digital Spy, "Big Brother would love to get him involved in their show. They are currently pulling out all the stops to make sure he is there, inside the house."

Another insider added, "There are lots of twists and turns planned into this year's tasks. It is all being kept top secret but even Deal Or No Deal could turn nasty." Personally, I'd prefer to see Mr Blobby run in and cause untold havoc with the housemates, whilst Noel gets Davina 'can't hold down a job at the BBC' McCall with a 'Gotcha' of some kind. I live in hope, and BB starts on Thursday.  [Mof Gimmers]

Digital Spy article

By mofgimmers on May 15, 2006 in Channel: C4, Reality TV, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Blaine to reattempt underwater record

Blaine_loserLook at David Blaine. All under water and nearly drowning. At the moment, he's the most famous failure on the planet. Getting press for not being able to do what you said you would.

RUBBISH!

Well, Mr Blaine has said he'll be giving the World Record another go, even though the last attempt left his liver knackered and his skin peeling off.

[Mof Gimmers]

By mofgimmers on May 12, 2006 in Imports, Other TV Stuff, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

David Blaine in failed record attempt

Blaine_not_drowned_1 Remember me saying that David Blaine was to drown himself?  Well, he very nearly did it! The magician was to see if he could smash the world record for holding breath whilst underwater, currently standing at 9 minutes. Unfortunately for the schpooky magic man, he failed by nearly two minutes. Reports suggest that thousands turned out to see him and bad puns abound about people being 'breathless'. Woo! [Mof Gimmers]

By mofgimmers on May 9, 2006 in Imports, Other TV Stuff, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

British TV is Rubbish, Says Gervais

Ricky_gervais_3Ooh, Ricky Gervais - get him lately! First he snubbs Noel Edmonds at some TV awards show, claiming that poor ole Noel just isn't good enough to present him with his gong, and now he's claiming that British TV as a whole isn't good enough.

Gervais, who is currently in America building on his recent success with The Simpsons, has been kissing some serious US ass while he's there, telling journalists how totally fantastic their TV is compared to ours.

"The Sopranos, 24, CSI, The Wire - we have got nothing like that. Nothing," said Ricky. "It's such a big gap. Comparing our celebrities to America is like comparing Blackpool to Las Vegas. It's division two."

Ricky is also currently working on a new series of The Extras, especially for division 2 TV...

[Amber McNaught]

By *Amber* on May 9, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Review -England V Germany: The Legends

Boris_1Last night saw, quite possibly, the greatest football match ever shown on TV. Better still, it involved a huffing and puffing Tory MP Boris Johnson. Football and Boris haven't mixed all that well in the past (how about his spat with the whole of the city of Liverpool?) and last evening proved no different. You see, The Bobby Moore Fund, which raises money for research into cancer (a good cause I think we'll agree) held a charity match last night, with a pantheon of stars taking part.

Richard Ashcroft was there. Damon Hill. Alongside former professions Lee Sharp (who regrettably performed his 'Sharpy Shuffle'), Paul Merson and Lothar Mattheus (a World Cup winner with the then West Germany).

The match was played in good spirits, with decent enough football shown from both sides. That is, until Mr Johnson came into the fray. What happened in Boris' brief sojourn was nothing short of incredible. He bounded onto the field of play with a face... screwed up in determination... very much like a fierce 10 year old... and legged it around without a clue in his head. Blonde hair flapping around his bulbating head... and then... the moment when he stole the show.

A former German international danced around with the ball with efficient grace... then BAM! Boris ran twenty metres with his pink little face steaming and ran head first into his opponent. Now when I say 'head first', I mean head first. Like a posh little demented battering ram, leaving the German prostrate on the grass.

Naturally, it got the biggest cheer of the night. Even my girlfriend who doesn't understand the joys of football laughed until there were genuine tears as Five played replay after glorious replay of the incident. Sod the 'Boris for PM' badges... we should be sending him to the World Cup instead of Rooney!

You can see the pant splitting clip on the excellent Who Ate All the Bratwurst? website. Scroll down, watch the clip, the actually laugh your head right off! [Mof Gimmers]

By mofgimmers on May 4, 2006 in Channel: Five, Nostalgia Corner, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Desperate Fishwifes

NicterriWell, so much for all the snogging. In an amazing "life imitates art" scenario, word is that Desperate Housewives Nicolette Sherridan and Teri Hatcher are fighting over a man off-screen as well as on. What makes this whole story even more surreal is that the man in question is Michael Bolton.

Two women fighting over Michael Bolton? How is that even possible? Well,it's a complicated one. See, Sheridan is currently engaged to the mullet-headed crooner, with whom Teri is rumoured to have once been "involved". And when Teri called him up recently to discuss a "charity benefit" she was organising, apparently Nicolette went postal.

In a scene straight out of Desperate Housewives itself (I'm talking literally, here. It all happened on the set), Nicolette is alleged to have launched into a magnificent "Git your hands offa ma maan!" speech, with Teri rejoining in kind. Hatcher was sent home in disgrace, Nic is now said to be reconsidering her engagement. Er, overreact, much?

So, no more 'sleb snogs for Nic ' Ter, for a while, then...[Amber McNaught]

By *Amber* on May 4, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Interview with a star!

Alex_lp4by Mof Gimmers

Ever thrown a sicky off work and found yourself lolling around on the sofa gawping at the splendid Alex Lovell?

If you're not aware of her work, Alex is the face of Five's Brainteaser! Not only this, she's the voice over on the ratings behemouth, Deal or No Deal!

Well, we'll be interviewing her, so if you have any questions, leave a comment, and I'll pass the clean ones on to her!

By mofgimmers on May 3, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Chantelle Strops!

Facelikeaslappedarse_1by Mof Gimmers

Chantelle! Aaaaw! She's lovely isn't she? A bit fick, but really, she's got a heart of gold hasn't she?

In short, no. No she hasn't.

You see, anyone with a pair of eyes watching the Big Brother which contained Chantelle could see that underneath that bubblegum exterior lay a 'orrid little diva. Snide looks toward unfavourable housemates and sniping behind their backs.

I'm sure people will be up in arms at this, and will no doubt proclaim their undying love for her. Well? Tough cheese bucko.

The Sun have reported that the haughty Houghton has recently thrown a massive strop up in Scotland, where, and quite rightly, the marvellous Edinbrugians bottled her off stage.

Chanters was paid a scandalous £3500 to show her chops in a nightclub "but she avoided fans by refusing to use the club’s main entrance, told promoters she would walk if she was asked any difficult questions and stayed stony-faced during Friday’s gig."

Isn't she a love though?

“The club have had JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE and CHRISTINA AGUILERA through the doors in the past and they weren’t half as much of a handful as Chantelle.”

Aaww!
 

By mofgimmers on May 3, 2006 in Reality TV, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Another Day, Another Celebrity Chat Show

Sharonosborne_1 by Amber McNaught

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Sharon Osbourne, really I do. I love her hair. I love her family. I love the way she swears at Louis Walsh. I even love her ratty little purse dogs. But I? Am sick to death of celebrity chat shows. Sick. To. Death.

We've had Davina. It flopped. Next we're getting Charlotte Church. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that it's not exactly destined to be the next Parkinson, either. Hell, even Parky isn't getting the big names any more. And now we're getting a Sharon Osbourne chat show. Her first guest? Why, Louis Walsh, of course. And Sharon's very own beautician. Don't set the vid this time, kids...

Ano

By *Amber* on May 3, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Life After the Apprentice

Hp_saira_khan by Amber McNaught

Ever wondered what happened to Apprentice "star" Saira Khan once the last series ended? No, me neither, funnily enough. Let's just pretend…

Saira, apparently, is about to front a new BBC quiz show called Beat the Boss, which uses the interesting concept of pitting kids against adults. Kids. Against. Adults. So, no unfair advantage there then...

And the prize? The winner gets to go home in a limosine, rather than on the bus.
The losers get jobs with Alan Sugar.*

*Not strictly true.

By *Amber* on April 27, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Billie the Best Paid on TV

Billiepiper by Amber McNaught

Yesterday I mocked Billie Piper. Today, it is revealled that young Piper is all set to become the best paid actress on British TV, after finding herself the subject of a bidding war between BBC and ITV, both of whom are apparently hellbent on throwing wads of cash at the Doctor Who star.

Shows what I know, eh?

Like the last fake Louis Vuitton bag on eBay, Billie's Buy It Now price is rising by the second. ITV want her for a remake of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park. The Beeb want her for - well, anything really.

So Billie's star is still in the ascendant, the days when she hung out in the pub all day with Chris Evans are all just a distant memory, and the irritating strains of "Because we want to! Because we want to!" are now stuck in my head for the rest of the night. Great.

By *Amber* on April 27, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Hoff in Panto (Oh No He Isn't...)

David_hasselhoffby Mof Gimmers

David Hasselhoff is to don a hook and an eye patch (not to be confused with Abul Hamsa) to play a Captain Hook in pantomime!

The Hoff, who has a baffling popularity of late, will get himself a nice £300,000 for starring in Peter Pan... alongside Bobby Davro... presumably not being paid the same amount.

Full report on Sky Showbiz found here.

By mofgimmers on April 27, 2006 in Imports, Nostalgia Corner, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Get Your Hands on David Tennant

Davidtennant_4 by Amber McNaught

Love Doctor Who? Or even just David Tennant? Want to get your sweaty little paws on Tenant's very own copy of the Episode One script? Well, you can't. Sorry. Well, not unless you live in Edinburgh, anyway. (Which I do! Hee!)

The new Who has just donated his autographed copy of the script for the first episode of the new series to a Christian Aid book sale at Edinburgh's St Andrew's and St George's Church. Billie Piper has signed it too, apparently, which just goes to prove that every silver lining does indeed have its attendant cloud. Shame.

Better get thee to Edinburgh, then, After all, it’s all for a good cause…

By *Amber* on April 26, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Jade Goody - Failure

Jade_goodyby Mof Gimmers

Did you know that you can grade celebrities like beef? If, say, Brad Pitt is a sirloin steak, and Ant & Dec are pork chops, then Jade Goody is without question Billy Bear Sausage.

Perhaps it is her fondness for cheap meat, pummelled into a deranged smiling bear head that has caused her latest public humiliation.

Not being able to run very far.

You see, Jade, rather amusingly took part in the London Marathon. Now, with Jade having her own fitness workout video, you would have thought she got to training, to show the British public that she wasn't just a rent-a-gob who can't speak proppa, who is no longer a laughing stock from shameful nakedity on Big Brother and the owner of one slightly weathered one armed parent.

It would seem that Ms. Goody got her TicTacs tactics all wrong.

Hecklerspray reported that "Goody blames her lack of training and fondness for takeaway food and alcohol on her abysmal performance".

The director of the London Marathon, which sees people dressed up in vintage deep sea diver gear competing alongside Z-Grade Celebs, Darren Bedford said "We, of course, recommend that everyone that takes part in the marathon trains, and to start by thinking I'm just going to walk round and not even be able to walk a marathon clearly shows she's done nothing and is not in good shape. I don't know whether the marathon money that she was raising will be lost because she dropped out. That, of course, would be a great shame and would in some ways show that she should have taken the event more seriously."

The charity in question, the NSPCC, must be ruing the day they agreed to let a obesetron hobble around London in their name.

Whether she said this or not is yet to be denied.

"Moiee feets hurted! Oi fink vis running fing wus stoopeed. Oi finked that getting a taxi wud 'av been easier. So I got a cab and finked that ver running wus too 'ard."

So, to sum up, Jade Goody, beaten by a man in a suit of amour and a 90 year old woman. Hat's off to you... you lazy bloody sod.

By mofgimmers on April 26, 2006 in Reality TV, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

New Ronson Book

Jon_ronsonby Mof Gimmers

You! You there! Stop being censored by an elite group of men... all shadowy and secretive... and fond of golf and staring goats to death.

Jon Ronson is one of the finest journalists in the world at the moment and he's got some news!

Ronson, star and maker of to-die-for shows, such as 'For the Love of...' (which included a cracking discussion about the 'Whistle Blowers of the Lunar Conspiracy') and 'Secret Leaders of the World', has announced the details of a new book.

The book is called 'Out of the Ordinary: True Tales of Everyday Craziness' - will be in the shops this Autumn, 2006. The official blurb from his site says:

"Jon Ronson's subjects have included people who believe that goats can be killed by the power of a really hard stare, and people who believe that the world is ruled by 12-foot lizard-men. In Out of the Ordinary, a collection of his journalism from the Guardian, he turns his attention to irrational beliefs much closer to home, investigating the ways in which we sometimes manage to convince ourselves that all manner of lunacy makes perfect sense - mainstream, domestic, ordinary insanity. Whether he finds himself promising his son that he will be at his side for ever, dressed in a Santa costume, or trying to understand why hundreds of apparently normal people would suddenly start speaking in tongues in a scout hut in Kidderminster, he demonstrates repeatedly how we all succumb to deeply irrational beliefs that grow to inform our everyday existence. Out of the Ordinary is Jon Ronson at his inimitable best: hilarious, thought-provoking and with an unerring eye for human frailty - not least his own.'

I couldn't have put it better myself. Ronson's words, often turned into rollicking TV romps through the darker bits of the world, have covered the Bilderberg group (the shadowy secret leaders of the whole world), David Icke's Lizard Men and the Waco inferno. Imagine Louis Theroux - without the sarcasm. And bigger subject matter.

If you enjoyed his shows, but haven't picked up the books ('The Men Who Stare at Goats' and 'Them - Adventures With Extremists')... do so. They'll have you bumbling around staring at people, wondering if they are on your tail about your weird thoughts. More importantly, you will have a good giggle too, as Ronson's eye for the ridiculous is sublime.

Go out. Spend your money on Ronson products. Or I'll get the Bilderberg death-stare ninjas on your case.

By mofgimmers on April 26, 2006 in Comedy, Other TV Stuff, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Davina - Axed!

Davina_mccallby Mof Gimmers

"We are totally committed to Davina's show and will stick by it," says a BBC spokesman, after Davina only managed 2.7 million viewers at prime time last night." So spake one of my esteemed colleagues about Davina McCall's disaster of a chat show.

Well... isn't that funny? Why? Probably because that big old axe has come down a chopped her in two.

 

Digital Spy have reported that the BBC has confirmed that Davina McCall's chat show will not be returning for another series.

"Davina played in a very challenging slot," said BBC One controller Peter Fincham. "It's right for BBC One to take risks and I'm glad we did it. At the moment we don't have any plans to bring Davina back but we remain committed to working with Davina McCall on a long term basis."

Jon Beazley, the BBC's controller of entertainment commissioning, added that the show was a "tough challenge," but thanked Davina and the show's production team "for their hard work on the series."

In other words, the show was a disaster, but, by portraying ourselves as a bold and adventurous company, we won't get into bother with people who moan about the TV Licence.

I'm sure that Davina won't miss it all that much, probably earning a fortune from Big Brother. Still, I'm glad she's off our screens for a bit. Perhap's Davina's love of reality TV should be taken into consideration, with her graceless axing being aired live on television, to be then paraded infront of hundred's of booing cattle on a Friday night?

Just a thought.

By mofgimmers on April 25, 2006 in Channel: BBC1, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

It's not easy being beautiful...

Evangelinelilly by Amber McNaught

As you wake up this morning, switch on the news and perhaps ponder for a moment the manifold ills of this world - war, famine, disease, pestilence, Celine Dion albums - spare a thought for poor Evangeline Lilly. Her trials are indeed hard to bear, for the poor sweet thing has the utter misfortune to have been born beautiful. And she's whining about it.

Speaking of her torturted childhood, the Lost star comments: "I cried myself to sleep wishing I was ugly, because men leered and disrepected me." My heart bleeds...

By *Amber* on April 24, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dec vrs Chantelle

Dec__out_of_antdecby Mof Gimmers

Dec. The one that has a smaller forehead and general proportion out of Ant & Dec has grown tired of Chantelle 'Oh My Gawd' Houghton, winner of Celebrity Big Brother.

Donnely says Chantelle Houghton is a celebrity trick that has “got out of hand”.

Really?

The presenter of loads of dismal reality shows thinks Chantelle’s success is a bad reflection on today’s fame culture.

"Chantelle is like a trick played on celebrities that has got out of hand,” he told Arena magazine. "I'm not sure that would happen in any other country.

"Celebrity used to be a by product of your day job, but now it's just a day job to be a celebrity. That never used to exist before. I wonder how many kids now do want to be firemen and policemen and nurses and stuff, and how many kids just want to be famous,” he continued. "It's a sad kind of reflection."

Obviously, Dec would do well to recall all the people that have been made into 'celebrities' from the pap him and his mate present.

If Chantelle, who is quite obviously talentless, can get a minute of fame for being a reasonably nice person, then I'd rather see that than two anorexic Romanian harpees wailing over yet another pitiful Europop number.Cheeky Girls? Touch my bum? I'm more likely to throw up in a bin shaped like Simon Cowell.

Still, he's got a film to plug, and if he's going around calling people stupid, that's fine by me.

Click here to see what Digital Spy have got to say about it

By mofgimmers on April 21, 2006 in Reality TV, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Queen's Birthday

Elizabethii_2by Mof Gimmers

You know what? The Queen had one of her birthday's this week. 80 years old! What an acheivement eh? All that gin and swan cutlets. It a wonder she hasn't snuffed it from gout.

Anyway, tonight sees a programme on ITV called The Girl Who Would Be Queen, or alternatively, The Girl Who Actually Is The Queen, but no matter.

The show will look at the usual footage of The Queen waving at poor people from cars, walking down steps from massive boats and generally talking in a funny high pitched voice.

It will no doubt talk of her efforts during the war. In case you didn't know, she donned a uniform and piddled about with bullets everytime a camera crew came around.

The show's host, Mary Nightingale, will probably go on about the death of Diana too. Boo Hoo. She was the Queen of our hearts wasn't she?

Well anyway, if you like 'revealing personal chronicals' about the blue bloods, you'll love this. You'll see Her Madge playing as a child with her sister Margaret (quite possibly hammered) and behnd the scenes footage of her coronation.

For those of you not into the Royal Family that much, click this link and have a giggle.

By mofgimmers on April 21, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Landladyboy at the Rovers?

That_bloke_from_corrieby Mof Gimmers

Do you watch Coronation St? Well, the Rovers' could be having a bloke as it's landlady!

Antony Cotton who plays Sean Tully on Coronation Street has told the Manchester Evening News that  one day, he'd like to be "landlady" of the Rovers Return!

The brilliant CorrieBlog has got the story for you, and news about the introduction of the 'Tully family'

By mofgimmers on April 19, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Shiny Media News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Holmes and Cruise have a baby!

Katie_holmes_tom_cruiseby Mof Gimmers

Scientology crackpot, Tom Cruise, known for going wrong-wards on the sofa of many-a chat show has become a father after Katie Holmes gave birth to a little girl calledSuri.

Digital Spy report that "Suri weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces and measured 20 inches in length.

In a prepared statement made on behalf of the couple, the spokesperson added that "mother and daughter are doing well."

By mofgimmers on April 19, 2006 in TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dominik Diamond - Not crucified

Dominik_diamondby Mof Gimmers

Dominik Diamond. You may remember him from GamesMaster... and not much else. I think he has a column in the Daily Star as well.  Well, now he's going to be famous for something quite different. The fact he hasn't been crucified to a massive wooden cross.

I know what you're thinking. 'Why should he be famous for not being nailed to some wood?'

Let me explain.

Diamond is a 'lapsed Catholic'. His faith has lost its way a bit. His God is having a nap in the lay-by, full to farting with Ginster's Pasties.

Dominik was once a committed God fearing type...but "recent events have left Diamond struggling to connect with the deep feelings of faith".

So a spiritual quest is in order surely? Maybe an audience with his priest? Or seek the word of the good book? Or maybe, see how religious people help the community? Maybe sit in on a soup kitchen? Unfortunately for Dominik, none of these things make great TV. Fortunately for us, he decided to go on the most arduous of all spiritual awakenings in a programme called 'Crucify Me' to be shown later this year.

Diamond travels from his home in Scotland to the Philippines, where proper die hard god bothering mentalist Christians celebrate Easter by re-enacting the Passion of Christ. Which essentially means actually crucifying yourself. Year after year. So the presenter must finally decide if his faith is strong enough to go through the actual crucifixion ritual.

He said "My religion was central to my life until five years ago, when a combination of public and private events made me question my beliefs. I'm hopeful that this journey will help resolve my crisis of faith. I've been making a living in the media now for 15 years, I'm in my mid-thirties and I've got three kids.

Diamond continued "It's about time I did something that didn't involve cheap gags. So if you're going to make the first serious programme you've ever done, you might as well aim high. So I thought I'd try to find God."

When it actually came down to someone sticking a massive nine inch nail though his hands and feet, it would seem that Dominik has a small epiphany. One that said "This my boy is going hurt more than anything you've ever done. You are essentially going to be stabbed. Willingly. Jesus didn't do it for a test of faith. Someone was trying to kill him when they did it."

So what did the boy from Angus do? What any other sane person would do.

Cry.

Lots.

Manchester Online reports that Diamond "backed out when the time came for the nails to pierce his flesh, weeping as he pressed his head to the cross and prayed."

Of course this has caused its own little furore amongst the Christian world, some labelling it a cheap stunt, others merely scoffing and calling him soft. But really... you can hardly blame the lad. Can you?

By mofgimmers on April 16, 2006 in Channel: Five, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Noel - "Away with the fairies"

Noel_and_sacrificial_lamb by Mof Gimmers

In a previous article about Noel Edmonds on TV Scoop, I flippantly said "(Edmonds) has seemingly invented a new religion. TV. "What Noel is saying is that he prays to the gods of television every day and gives his thanks.""

I then went on to be even more flippant by saying that Noel's assistant was preparing "the lamb which Edmonds will be offering as sacrifice to his 'gods'. It is hoped that the sacrificial lamb will offer some kind of incentive to raise the fee which Noel will receive."

It seems that it isn't that far from the bizarre truth.

Noel Edmonds told The Sun that he prayed to "The Cosmos" for help in his life and career.

Noel was inspired by book The Cosmic Ordering Service, which claims to help people realise their dreams by writing down a wish list. Four of his wishes have come true, including a house and his £3million job hosting Channel 4 hit Deal Or No Deal.

Noel said "You’ll think I’m away with the fairies, but it’s fantastic."

Edmonds also told the Sunday Mirror "Given the last few years have been challenging for me for a variety of reasons, I'm at that stage of my life where I think there are certain things I want.

He continued "Some believers stand on a cliff and look at the breaking waves, some look at the moon, and some just write it down on a bit of a paper. Me being me, I wrote down an order."

Apparently, he wrote "Dear Cosmos, I would like to have a home in a sunny place that my daughters love and is private, suits me and I would like that by October."

He then remarked "I wrote that in March and completed on the house I adore on September 1, so I got it two months early."

Two months later, he wrote another order and he admits the results were "spooky".

He said: "I wrote down that I was looking for a different challenge in my life. Something that would stretch me but I would feel comfortable with and - again - my girls would enjoy and appreciate why I wanted to do it.

"At that point, I had no idea whether it was walking the Great Wall of China or whatever, and in August, Adam McDonald, a TV executive for Deal Or No Deal, rang and said: 'Do you fancy coming and doing this telly show.' I think that's quite spooky."

Obviously, there are people who think Edmonds has completely fallen out of his tree, and smashed his head on the ground below. He says;

"I have a faith. I don't know what shape it is. I feel uncomfortable to think it's purely Church Of England and I'd like to learn more about Islam. But at 57, why shouldn't I give cosmic ordering a go? After all, it seems to work. It is quite reassuring about life after death and spiritual things. It's not totally mad. It's quite personal"

So there you go. He's not mad. He isn't going mentalwards.

By mofgimmers on April 13, 2006 in Other TV Stuff, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Shayne Ward - Hard Up

Xfactor__shayne_wardby Mof Gimmers

Professional kareoke singer, Shayne Ward has claimed that he's a bit brassic at the minute, after blowing his £1million in about a year.

The singer told Now magazine that he's had to pay for everything when working, including "make-up artists, travel, and photo and video shoots".

Ward, who won X Factor, added that he only had just enough money to buy champagne at trendy club Chinawhites. Therein lies the problem perhaps?

Digital Spy Article

By mofgimmers on April 13, 2006 in Other TV Stuff, Reality TV, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Big Yin tells of abuse

Billy_connollyby Mof Gimmers

Billy Connolly has told of abuse he suffered as a child at the hands of his father.

The Big Yin shared a bed in his early years with his father, where he was sexually abused. He confided that he was forgiving him.

"It sounds a bit conceited that you're going to forgive someone but you can - you can even forgive dead people. Just because they're dead doesn't mean you can't forgive things." He reported.

Connolly continued "I think of the nice guy that I knew. I wanted him to love me while I was around and I think he did. I think he didn't know how to. But what went on between us was an aberration. I can deal with it. I don't find it a problem at all and I like talking to other kids, guys that it happened to. I don't want to look like a victim.”

This news comes hot on the heels of Richard E Grant's confession to an abusive childhood, which saw his father nearly gunning him down.

Click here to read Digital Spy's report on Connolly

By mofgimmers on April 12, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dad tried to shoot me says Withnail

Richardegrantby Mof Gimmers

Richard E Grant, posho English actor famed for his role as the blind drunk thesp, Withnail, has revealed that his father, also a raging alcoholic, tried to shoot him until he died.

Grant revealed: "He was provoked by me. He said, 'I'm going to blow your brains out,' and chased me around the garden. I felt utterly helpless but I goaded him, saying, 'Go on, get it over with.' I really thought I was going to die.

Grant continued "The bullet whistled past my head, but at that point there was nothing I could do about it. It was like a near-death experience, a chemical in my brain made me accept that I was going to die. I thought, 'He is going to shoot me now. This nightmare will end. I felt very calm. The shock of it only hit me afterwards. Then I became frightened and ran away."

Obviously, all this was incredibly affecting, but Richard, star of the Scarlet Pimpernel, claimed that he didn't blame his parent.

"After my father tried to kill me, he turned the gun on himself and tried to kill himself. He was full of self-pity and remorse. Alcohol changed his character, like Jekyll and Hyde. He wasn't himself when he was drunk."

Lifestyle Magazine's report on Grant

By mofgimmers on April 11, 2006 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Keifer signs up

Keiferby Mof Gimmers

Keifer Sutherland has signed up to play Jack Bauer in the smash series, 24, for another three years.

The show is currently up to series five, which means Jack Bauer has finally done a full working week. His week involved Dennis Hopper trying to kill everyone ever, his family being murdered, Jack's smack addiction and various attempts on the President's life. My week involves smoking and putting biscuits in my mouth.

With a 24 film coming out, and the signing of the three year extension, Sutherland stands to earn himself an impressive/gratuitous $40 million. Phew. Cheap at double the price I reckon... well... he does keep on saving the world doesn't he?

The deal with Fox also sees him promoted (in real life that is) from "co-executive producer" to "executive producer" for the sixth and seventh seasons, as well as allowing Sutherland to set up a new production company to produce series programming for various networks.

The things he produces will probably be rubbish, but with Jack flinging himself around our screens for a bit longer, we can all rest happy... in a weird tense way.

Tick...Tick...Tick...

Hecklerspray report on 24
24 report from Digital Spy

By mofgimmers on April 11, 2006 in Drama, Imports, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Where is Pat Sharp?

Patby Mof Gimmers

Ladies and Gents... the finest mullet ever seen on a box... anywhere.

Yessir, Pat Sharp, former presenter of Fun House, had a gloriously terrible haircut. Even as a child in the 80's, I knew that Pat had a wrong 'un on top of his head.

But where is the great man now? Last seen on TV being ribbed by Adam & Joe and having a reasonable radio career. Maybe, Samson like, he lost his power during a haircut, as our picture shows, he is no longer the owner of a frosted mull.

So, has anyone seen him? Do you have a picture of yourself with Pat and his hair? Or are you Pat Sharp reading this mourning your thatch? Get in touch.

Click here to watch Pat in action on YouTube
And some more Sharp action

By mofgimmers on April 6, 2006 in Nostalgia Corner, Other TV Stuff, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Ken Russell - Hero

Ken_russellby Mof Gimmers

Film provocateur and general perv, Ken Russell, director of Women in Love and the then steamy, Lady Chatterly, flung himself into his blazing house in a dramatic bid to save his wife.

Ken found that his 16th Century cottage was engulfed in flames after he'd returned from the doctor's. With his wife, Elise, inside the director feared the worst. All the while she was 'round the back of the house - naked.

The 79 year told the Daily Mirror "My wife is the most wonderful person I have ever met. If she is going to die, I will die trying to save her. I fought my way through into the living room. I was shouting, 'Lisi, Lisi! Where are you? I looked upstairs but there were no stairs - it was an inferno of flames."

After Ken had got inside after smashing up some windows, he said "The room was full of black billowing smoke. I thought if she was in there she would be dead as no one could survive it."

Meanwhile, Elise was wandering around the garden with nothing on looking for her husband after escaping when the smoke alarms went off. She said: "I can't believe Ken tried to rescue me because he is the physical coward of the century. It proved he loved me."

Ken said "I was looking to rescue her. But what I didn't know was that she was already outside and was looking to rescue me."

US-born Elise, who Russell met on the internet, chirruped "Bob, our gardener, was wonderful. He kept saying, 'Put some clothes on'."

The Oscar-nominated director quipped: "There was a naked lady running around the garden - pity I was not there to film it."

It took 80 firefighters to put out the blaze which destroyed their £400,000 home in East Boldre, Hants.

Let's just hope he doesn't make some awful film about the whole affair.

3am report

By mofgimmers on April 4, 2006 in Other TV Stuff, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Lorraine? On Corrie?

Lorrainekellyonatinychildsbikeforsomereaby Mof Gimmers

Lorraine Kelly. Chirruping little Scottish hedgerow bird that she is. She's claimed that she wants to be on Coronation Street.

The lovely folks over at CorrieBlog are running a wee little article about how Lorraine would "give anything" for a stint on the famed cobbles!

They've also got a little treat of a link for any fans of LK out there.

If you're that way inclined, I suggest you get over there right now for all your Corrie needs... you just thought it was you who had the Coronation Street obsessive compulsive disorder? Fat chance! You'll be in great company over there!

Corrie Blog

By mofgimmers on April 3, 2006 in Shiny Media News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Shatner Sings.

The_shatby Mof Gimmers

It has been noticed that David Hasselhoff has recently had a resurgence in fame. Possibly for his bad singing and worse acting. A post modernists dream. Well, I don't buy it. Not while William Shatner is alive. This man can reach new highs or lows with wild abandon. You lot don't even realise the genius. WAKE UP! BEAM UP!

You see, The Shat hasn't always done commercials for cereals. No. Obviously he was once James T Kirk in Star Trek, as well as tough guy TJ Hooker. As well as a whole host of other dubious activities. Most importantly, he recorded an LP. Transformed Man needs to be heard to be understood. Camp Shakespearean monologues over faux-psychedelic sci-fi sounds. Too good to be true you think.

Well, let us bring the truth. Click here to see Bill Shatner perform the Elton John classic 'Rocket Man' at the 1978 Science Fiction Film Awards. Let your heart open and a new love affair begin.

By mofgimmers on March 29, 2006 in Nostalgia Corner, Sci Fi, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Interview with Green Wing man!

Green_wing_againby Mof Gimmers

We're reaching fever pitch now. Green Wing is nearly upon us. We can't wait. We're not even on commission. Just completely besotted with the show.

Well, I caught up with Jonathan Paul Green for a cup of tea and biscuits. JPG just so happens to be the Production Designer of the show.

So, read on for insights about monster ostriches and more.

So. Who the devil are you?

I'm Jonathan Paul Green, and I'm a freelance Production Designer working in TV. My job involves designing studio sets, dressing locations, arranging props, special effects and generally designing/overseeing the look of the show.

You worked on the first series of Green Wing. What was it like getting back together with the cast and crew?

It was great to see all the old cast and crew again. They are such a fantastic bunch of people. All lovely bar none. There are no big egos, and everybody gets on really well. We all tend to have a good laugh, even though we're very busy and focused on creating a TV Show, so generally its good humoured and light hearted on set. After 8 months filming with people, you get to know each other really well, and its always very sad when filming finishes.

You also worked on the brilliant BrassEye, and made a giant worm necked ostrich with a strange blinking eye. Did that come from your mindwrongs, or was it one of Chris Morris' ideas?

I'm afraid I can't take credit for that, it came from the brilliant mind of Chris Morris. I turned his idea into a reality that's all. I'd love to have his vision, he's a genius.

What is it like working with Chris? I know he's a bit media shy...

Chris is fantastic to work with... a real privilege and an honour. It's not that often that you get the chance to work with exceptional people, but he most definitely is one of them. It can be a bit daunting, because some of his requests are so unusual, but that's the plus side rather than a minus.

As well as working on Green Wing and BrassEye, you've worked with Rory Bremner and Smack the Pony. How did it all happen?

I think it's more luck than judgement. Generally if you work on a comedy or satire show, and the Producers and Directors like what you've done then you've got more chance of being asked to work on similar types of shows...pigeon-holing maybe!

You've said that during the Green Wing shoot, that aside from the great team there, chocolate and "lots of puddings" kept you going. Do you weigh about 80 stone now?


When I got on some scales in the Day Care Ward whilst filming, it registered my BMI as clinically obese...

Really? (puts down huge pie)

Since filming I weigh 11 stone, but should be about 10.

From one heap to another. Mark Heap is probably the finest comedy actor on any screen in the world at the moment, but sadly overlooked in favour of lesser actors. What is he like to work with?

Mark is a true comedy genius. He's a gent and a real trooper. The saddest part about it is I'm not sure he realises just how brilliant he is.

Your CV is pretty varied and it says that you worked on Ready Steady Cook. How did you manage to stop yourself from knifing Ainsley in the face? Or throwing Anthony Worrel Thomspon in a blender?

I know all the older... well, by that I mean original... chefs quite well and they're all great people. I love Ainsley and Anthony...can't say anything bad about them. They're really decent blokes.

What's next for you then? Maybe you could let us in on a secret project being undertaken by Chris Morris?

Sadly, he hasn't even told me about any! I'm sure he's dreaming up something, but I have no idea what or whether I'll be involved, although I'd love to be. My next project is re-designing Top Gear which is very exciting. Then on to a brand new comedy series called Star Stories

So, with Green Wing starting its new series on Friday night, what's your prevailing feeling about it?


Its every bit as fun to work on as it is to watch.

Jonathan's Blog
Green Wing Blog

By mofgimmers on March 29, 2006 in Channel: C4, Comedy, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

MP claims that Jodie is a bully

Jodie_marsh_bullyby Mof Gimmers

Should we be surprised that Jodie Marsh is being picked on again? She cries when people call her a slapper or a munter, but alas, that usually comes with the territory when you keep getting your knockers out, and telling everyone about who you've slept with.

Well, this time, it isn't some ravaged old ex have a pop at Jodie, it's a LibDem MP. That's right, after feeling the dubious wrath of hound faced George Galloway on Celebrity Big Brother, she is now under the cosh of Phil Willis.

According to the LibDem chap, Marsh is to undergo a tour of schools talking to kids that are being bullied. Well, he don't like it one bit!

MP Willis said "We looked at her web log and what she has written about her Big Brother housemates is just appalling. It is the language of an appalling bully".

He continued "Is this really somebody we want to send in to schools? We are really descending to the lowest common denominator when we are putting people like her on a pedestal."

So just what has she said on her website? A quick glance gave some nuggets. In reference to who Jodie bumped into at an awards bash, she saw "
the hideous Maggot (newly named "worm" by my crew) and the even more hideous Pete Burns." That's not very nice is it? How about Marsh referring to Jade Goody as a "dickhead" and "minger"?

Best of all, she refers to "Barrymore, Burns and Galloway - man on the edge, man who wants to be a woman but pretends he doesn't and disgraced politician
"

Now, you might say that what she's said is fair enough, but really, expect stick if you go around calling people 'hideous'. Of course, Marsh, ever on the defence, claims that her blog is harmless. In fact, she comes over all David Brent by saying "I am an entertainer", going on to say "It highlights the ridiculousness of being a "celebrity" and also gives people a very intimate picture of my life, my real life that is, not the one most celebrities would have you think is real. As anybody who reads it all the time knows, I talk about anything and everything. I WANT to entertain".

So there you have it. Jodie Marsh versus the World pt 3987.

Digital Spy article
Jodie's official site

By mofgimmers on March 29, 2006 in Reality TV, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

No Future in News

Jonsnowby Mof Gimmers

I don't know if you're like me, but I don't generally trust news presenters. In fact, I might go so far to say that they're mere puppets in some media tug of war. That taken in to consideration, they aint all a rotten lot. Jon Snow is probably the greatest TV journalist of our generation. He also has superb taste in ties and socks.

The news god has just been given an award to back up my ludicrous statement, in the form of journalist of the year by the Royal Television Society.

However, Snow has some slightly controversial insights on the world of news. As ever, he's as a sharp as a tack.

"I don't think there is a tremendous future for large numbers of news channels in Britain," Snow told The Independent. "It's moving so fast to the web, and their numbers - all the news channels - are so pitifully small. Increasingly, if there's a major news development you are going to the web first to find out what's happening there and then."

Snow then had a pop at Auntie. Claiming that BBC News 24 is a spent force.

"The BBC is such a huge organisation that I guess you can make more sense of having News 24 because you have so many outlets supplying into it," he said. "But I don't think there's any evidence of a huge hunger for News 24."

Discuss 25 marks

Digital Spy report

By mofgimmers on March 28, 2006 in Channel: C4, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Chantelle - The New Cilla

Chantelle_doesnt_look_like_paris_hilton_by Mof Gimmers

It is widely assumed that Chantelle Houghton, winner of Celebrity Big Brother is a star in the making. From the humble beginnings of being a Paris Hilton lookalike (although in saying that, doesn't she just have long blonde hair, and looks absolutely nothing like her?) to being thrust into the limelight, and going out with, y'know, a proppa singer (Preston from the Ordinary Boys) and ev'ryfink.

Well, the Channel 4 lot are absolutely determined to make a star of this girl, and somehow, I can't see it working. Now, it is obvious that Chantelle isn't an evil swine headed goon... far from it... she is in fact quite a nice person enjoying the ride. Who wouldn't? That all taken in, those of you with bums firmly rooted on the Houghton bandwagon should keep one thought in mind. Being nice is not a talent. Those of you who are sick of her already, cover your eyes as E4 is promising, what can only be described as a horrorcast.

Chantelle is set to play cupid for slack mouthed couples in a show called Dream Dates.

That's right, Chantelle, fresh from the dubious successes of her own show (Living the Dream), has now been given a mammoth task. She will have to remember stuff as well as talking and breathing (we're praying for her right now).

Oddly, females entering the show will be offered a make over, while presumably, the men in the show will already have girlfriends... possibly French ones... and have the girls live with them under 24 hour watch from cameras, and gradually have them stolen away.

How well Chantelle will cope with having to walk, talk AND remember lines is unclear, but suffice to say, the sheep brained folks out there will gun for her all the way! WE LUV U CHNTLLE! U R FIT N UR GR8. The nation's love affair continues. Or should I say DA PPL OF ENG STL FNK SHES RLLY FKNG WKD.

Aint love a beautiful thing?

Bizarre report

By mofgimmers on March 28, 2006 in TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Lynne Perrie - Dead

Lynne_perrieby Mof Gimmers

Sad news travels fast. Lynne Perrie, has died. Of a stroke.

The former Coronation Street actress was 75 years old, and is seldom remembered for her brilliant role as Billy Casper's mother in Kes, and her appearance on The Word.

Tributes poured in, one notably from Liz Dawn who plays Vera Duckworth says on the ITV website:

"I'm very saddened to hear of the news. Me and Lynne go way back. Even before Coronation Street we worked together on the club circuit. She was always full of life and great fun to work with."

After spending years being the long suffering Ivy Tilsley, long suffering by the fact she lost a son, had a husband with a wooden leg... ad infinitum.

Aside from being a much loved character, Perrie also had her fair share of scandal when she shocked slope headed Word viewers by appearing on TV blind drunk and talking nonsense.

An mole recalled that she embarrassed ITV bosses after a string of toyboy affairs, a raunchy work out video, and then, the infamous Word appearance when she said "Man, Woman or Dog... put it on a table and I'll fuck it." She also 'messed about' with a stripper on TV too, as well as rumours floating around about her plastic surgery... but far be it an insult to the great lady.

Perrie was exactly the kind of thing need on our TV screens. She was the real deal, no graces and pant wettingly funny. She leaves a huge legacy of entertainment for this writer, and shines a light in the face of all these modern celebrities who merely turn up and smile - leaving their personality at the door. Where Shane Ritchie inanely grins, Lynne Perrie was the genuine article, one of us gone wrong on telly. And for that, we salute her.

She'll be sadly missed.

Digital Spy - Lynne Perrie
CorrieBlog report

By mofgimmers on March 27, 2006 in Other TV Stuff, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Sharon! Mum of the Year!

Sharonosborneby Mof Gimmers

Sharon Osborne has won celebrity mum of the year.

"I am truly honoured and speechless - which is a first" she said.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Isn't she a cad!?  She continued "The fact that Freemans Celebrity Mum of the Year is a public vote makes it extra special, it has been a very tough few years and the British public have been so supportive."

Mrs Prince of Darkness was up against Katie Price (who we know better as Jordan), Kate Moss and The Duchess of Cornwall.

Is it only me who is completely baffled by all this?


It would seem that to stand a chance of winning the prestigious title, you have to be some sort of... well... monster. Why would I say that? They're just honest people trying to make a living... right? Get this.

Sharon Osborne. Is foul mouthed. Married to the Prince of Darkness. Her dogs shit and piss all over the house. She is friends with Simon Cowell. She jeopardises the most informative years of her kids (ie Their teens) by thrusting a camera in their face in the shape of a reality TV programme. She misses the fact that her kids are all strung out. She is partly responsible for Chico.

Jordan. Sells her baby to OK! ragmag to show the world that it is blind. Gets off with Dane Bowels, sorry, I mean Bowers, and apparently, it is then shown all over the internet. She gets off with Peter Andre (which in fairness is reason alone) live on TV. Keeps showing us her busters. Sets an example to her kids by publicly humiliating Jodie Marsh (who, quote Jordan has a nose like "a builder's elbow").

Kate Moss. Does loads of drugs and went out with Pete Doherty. The end.

...and then of course you have the Duchess of Cornwall. The only thing about her is that she's now got blue blood and looks like Rod Hull.

So there you have it. The Freeman's celebrity mum of the year... choosing celebrity monsters year after year. Last years winner? Kerry Katona. Enough said. Pass the sick bucket.

Daily Snack report

By mofgimmers on March 24, 2006 in Other TV Stuff, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Jordon in Mickey Mouse Wedding

Katie_priceby Mof Gimmers

I really wish I was telling porkies but I'm not. I've got horrible news.

Jordan (aka Katie Price) is going to renew her vows with Peter Andre. Ok, that's not the horrible news. The fact that it is going to take place in Disneyland is.

The thought of yet another tasteless shindig with the reality TV couple, pink things, Mickey Mouse ears and worse still... another duet, sends ice up my spine.

Jordon has just returned from her jollies in Florida, and has said that Mickey Mouse land would be the best place for a wedding. She's already wed though, so she'll have to make do with a blessing.

Speaking to OK!, Price said "Because of the hectic run-up to our wedding, with the planning and my post-natal depression and everything, I was really stressed. I'm in such a good place now I would really like to go there and have a blessing or something - we're talking about it now. It'll be totally different from our wedding. But don't worry, it won't be low-key."

Jesus.

Is it me, or does everyone feel too familiar with their goings on? Look at it this way. We saw the initial flirting (aka The Desperation of Peter Andre) between the couple, the staggering moment when ITV cameramen caught Andre's erection, their declaration of love, their marriage, the mag feature on their sick baby... after the repeat of the vows, what next? Jordan wiping Peter's bum-bum?

"I've done a big poo poo Kaaaatie....I've finiiiiiished"

Digital Spy - Jordan

By mofgimmers on March 23, 2006 in Other TV Stuff, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

More work for Noel

Noelby Mof Gimmers

Surely not? The British public can't be that daft?

(The phone rings)

"Hello? Oh... hi... oh... right..."

Well, I've just been told you are that daft. I should have known really when I found out that Noel Edmonds is to be paid a princely sum to continue the baffling success of 'Deal or No Deal'.

The show, which prides itself on 'high tension' and Noel talking to an imaginary man on the telephone throughout, has been a ratings smash, and is set to continue until 2007. Apparently, there are 5 million of you who watch it, and the show has a whopper of a top prize. £250,000.

Edmonds, who has a spokesman called Mark Borkowski said reports Edmonds had signed a £3 million contract were "grossly exaggerated", but confirmed the host was in talks about a deal. He continued;

"Part of the problem is how hard and punishing the schedule is. There is talk of it going out twice a day during the World Cup as something for non-football fans. The negotiations that are going on at the moment are in some way to address the punishing schedule."

Edmonds is hoping for a figure that will put him on a par with other luminaries, such as Des Lynam who is understood to be on a fair old wack for presenting moth balled Countdown.

There is no question about Edmonds' will to be on the box. He works darn hard, presenting the show a quite staggering six times a week. However, Noel feels lucky to have been given the chance to be on TV again. So much so that he has seemingly invented a new religion. TV.

Borkowski said "What Noel is saying is that he prays to the gods of television every day and gives his thanks. Noel loves being back on the television and fronting a show people are enjoying."

And with that, Borkowski prepared the lamb which Edmonds will be offering as sacrifice to his 'gods'. It is hoped that the sacrificial lamb will offer some kind of incentive to raise the fee which Noel will receive.

Yahoo/Reuters
Off The Telly

By mofgimmers on March 23, 2006 in Channel: C4, Other TV Stuff, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Paul 4 Orlando, Not

Paulby Mof Gimmers

What better way to plug your new show than speculating on the sexuality of a hollywood pin-up? Or better still, thinking that you'd slept with him? Well, that's almost what Paul O'Grady did with Orlando Bloom at a recent showbiz event.

The soon-to-be-on-channel 4 chat show host confessed to mistaking the 'hunk' for a previous conquest.

"I didn't know who he was because he looked like a bit of a hippy," O'Grady told Heat magazine. "He was chatting away to me and I was like, 'Who the hell's this? Have I slept with you or something? Did I shag you years ago?'"

In fairness, it would have been better if it had happened, just to see the response of all Orlando's admirers, flailing around on street corners crying their guts up.

After realising his boo-boo, O'Grady was surprised to hear that Bloom was an keen viewer of his talk show.

"He said he never missed my show," he recalled. "It fascinates me because I think it's only my Auntie Iris who watches it."

Far from the truth, O'Grady is the hottest thing on TV for the much coveted tea-time slot. His ITV show was cleaning up with the viewing figures, but, in a hilarious error, the ITV execs forgot to extend his contract. With Channel 4 not missing a trick, they swooped to get the signature of the former Lily Savage. So, who makes way for the vinegar soaked scouser? Why, it's poor old Richard and Judy.

After a similar defection from ITV to Channel 4, surely the only place interested in them (other than the P45 department at the tax office) will be channel Five.

O'Grady's new show begins on Channel 4 next Monday (March 27) and is said that "the show will be packed with big name celebrities, a host of animals including Buster and Olga, Paul on his organ and, of course, all of our regulars facing some amazing challenges and attending the best red carpet events."

Gulp.

Digital Spy - O'Grady article
Paul O'Grady show

By mofgimmers on March 22, 2006 in Channel: C4, Comedy, Set the Vid, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

War at ITV

Gentleman_jimby Mof Gimmers

Chances are, a lot of you out there missed the most beautiful programme ever shown on TV. That programme was the genius idea of Celebrity Wrestling. Naturally, most thought it was a dismal attempt to ape programmes like 'I'm a Celebrity..' and mixing it with former eye popper, Gladiators. In fairness, it was. That's not the point though.

Any programme that can rename James Hewitt 'Gentleman Jim', and showjumper Oliver Skeete 'The Rebel Rider', and make them fight like toddlers is fine by me. Skeete even came up with a peach of a line when he informed the crowd he was "from the streets".

Anyway, for some reason, Nigel Pickard, former head of ITV has lashed out at his former genius.

Pickard, who famously described Saturday night flop Celebrity Wrestling as "poxy", has now upped the ante by saying the show was a "disaster". The show was seen as a prime example of the reason for ITV's decline - both critically and in the ratings - last year.

"It had disaster written all over it," Pickard, now RDF's director of family and children's, told the Media Guardian. "You put that together... with the downturn in our fortunes. You thought, fucking hell, we're going in to one of those dips."

Pickard was expected to throw in the towel after Simon Shaps was brought in above him in the role of director of television (probably created especially to usurp Pickard) but decided to stay on until January.

"It allowed me to oversee the changing of the guard, enjoy the autumn," explained Pickard, who also denied having any ill feeling towards Shaps. "Simon and I parted absolutely professionally. There's no animosity."

One day, we'll see a return of Celebrity Wrestling when Shaps realises the genius that lay in the programme. Besides, Fatima Whitbread and Annabel Croft still need the work.

Digital Spy review

By mofgimmers on March 21, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Other TV Stuff, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Derren's Not the Messiah

Derrenbrown_2 He's just a very naughty boy.

Derren Brown's talents don't stop at persuading cashiers that he's won a bet on the dogs when he hasn't, or making students think they're in a computer game. He also has a Houdini-like knack for getting out of trouble.

His last outing for C4, The Heist, has been cleared of breaching broadcasting guidelines after it was criticised for glamorising robbery and harming participants.

Rumours that the gang who nicked £53 million the other week were listening to Can You Feel It? on their iPods could not be confirmed at the time of writing.

* Look into the eyes not around the eyes: Mind Control

By janehoskyn on March 14, 2006 in Channel: C4, Reality TV, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Liberty Baker 'Not Real' Shock

Clipboard01_46 By Mof Gimmers

Anyone who has rested an eyeball on their screen when Footballers' Wives is on will know exactly what to expect. It's less a TV show and more a glorified lads' mag.

One of the show's stars, Phina Oruche, who plays Liberty Baker, has come out by revealing that she isn't like her character one bit.

Liberty has infamously had a 'steamy' lesbian relationship, strutted around in the buff and 'romped' in the back of a car. I'm sure there are a few blokes out there who would have you believe that all the actresses involved are just the same off screen, but to say they're deluded... well.

Phina says she couldn't be less like her character. She's told all that she is a practising Christian, and is saving herself for her wedding night.

"It is ironic that I'm playing a sexual character like Liberty," says Phina. "I'm celibate and haven't had sex for two years, so I think it's God's cosmic joke that I get off at work but not at home."

Most people in the acting world aren't fortunate enough to warrant scrutiny from the man upstairs, let alone fall for a 'cosmic joke'. Her hints have left ITV bosses apparently trying to secure The Almighty's signature for a series of practical joke shows, much like Beadle's About, with the aforemention 'cosmic' twist.

Her decision to take the part in Footballers' Wives has raised eyebrows at her local church, with the concerned flock wondering if she is doing the right thing.

"There are a lot of people at church who I wish would leave me alone," she confesses. "But I'm not trying to be a role model. I don't think we honour God by judging each other."

She went on "My attitude is that I'll play any character, as long as it's made clear that there are consequences for their actions. Because in life, if you do something like sleep with someone's husband, there will be consequences. Your sexuality is sacred and you shouldn't boff everything that moves," she explains.

"Sex can get in the way. In the past, I've tried hard to make relationships work just because they were hot in bed. I'm not driven by that any more. There are more important things to look for - someone who shares the same values and morals." she added.

Whether or not she cried herself to sleep after having doing a lesbian scene, and essentially, sinning in front of God could not be confirmed in anyway, but suffice to say, she's praying every night and been a relatively faithful Christian for the 5 years since she became born again.

So there you have it. Actors do have lives after all.

By mofgimmers on March 10, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Drama, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Set the Vid: Gervais on Letterman

Gervais_on_simpsons_1

Ricky Gervais never struck me as a California dreamer. But then, nor did Morrissey. Now Moz has morphed into a T-bird-driving LA boy, and it looks like we're also losing Gervais to the homeland of MC Hammer.

First there was the US Office scripting favour, the Golden Globe and the spot in Ben Stiller's new flick. Then the hob-nobbing with Larry David and the Simpsons cameo. And tonight, Ricky makes his seventh appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Seventh? That's just greedy.

Ricky is ostensibly there to promote The Simpsons episode, which, as well as appearing in, he also scripted. "It was the most intimidating project of my career," he's said. "The Simpsons is the greatest TV show of all time." But he'll also drop in a plug for his Flanimals follow-up, More Flanimals.

Seven Letterman appearances is more than any other British comedian, which suggests that the US is as keen on Ricky as he is on it. Bring us back a Lost Season 2 DVD, willya?

* Ricky's storyboard sketches for The Simpsons: Laughmachine
* Not free for much longer: Ricky Gervais Show podcast

* The Late Show with David Letterman, ITV4, tonight at 11pm
* The Simpsons (Gervais ep), Fox, Saturday 26 March

By janehoskyn on March 7, 2006 in Channel: ITV4, Channel: Other, Comedy, Imports, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Billy Bush Dossier

Foto_billibush Intrigued by the red carpet man's nominal and physical resemblance to the leader of the free world, I went off to do some research. And it's true! He is one of them! Here's be Bushfacts:

1. "Billy Bush" is a fake name. He was in fact born with the much posher title, William Hall Bush.

2. Billy, 34, is first cousin of orang-utan dictator George W Bush and nephew of George Bush Snr. White House visits and everything.

3. Billy Bush co-hosts the NBC show Access Hollywood, with Chantelle lookalike Nancy O'Dell. This is not a fake name used by Nancy Del'Olio.

After the break: Pizza for Klum

4. "Bush is known for his light-hearted sense of humour and on-air hijinks with celebrity interviewees." This information is from an unknown source.

5. BB once disguised himself as "Richard Broom" and faced Donald Trump at an Apprentice audition. See, that I like.

6. Veteran Oscar host Billy Crystal called BB "the most annoying man in show business."

7. BB delivered pizza to Heidi Klum and other models backstage at a Victoria's Secret fashion show. Uh-huh.

8. BB landed the first interview with Britney Spears's starter husband, Jason Alexander, after delivering a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich to his home as a gift.

9. It was during an interview with BB that twisted mentalist Tom Cruise first attacked Brooke Shields for using antidepressants to combat post-natal depression.

10. His wife is called Sydney. She is believed to be female.

By janehoskyn on March 6, 2006 in Channel: Other, Imports, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Cometh the Stewart

Jon_stewart_2004 1am: They've written Oscar host Jon Stewart's name in massive lights above the stage, in case elderly members of the Academy don't know who he is.

1.03am: Strong start from JS. "Tonight is the night we celebrate excellence in film, with me, the fourth male lead in Death to Smoochy. Rent it." But he looks more nervous than Lulu near a naked flame.

1.05am: JS's monologue ain't no Daily Show. Of course, it was never going to be. This is the Oscars: safer than The Queen's Christmas Speech. If you verbally bruise a member of the Hollywood clique (saay, Jude Law), you won't be asked back. Pull something as edgy and British as Stephen Fry hosting the Baftas ("Time, like a useful towel, presses on") and you'll be run out of California.

1.07am: JS is managing fine, getting big laughs for gentle Bush-bashing ("Bjork couldn't be here tonight; she was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her") from his fans in the audience (Catherine Keener, George Clooney) whilst allowing the lesser attendees to switch off and practice their "Am I bovvered?" look (Charlize Theron).

1.08am: Gay cowboy movie montage. Charlton Heston will love this.

* Best viewed drunk: The Jon Stewart Intelligence Agency
* Doin' it for Fox: Jon Stewart vs Crossfire
* Shot at Redemption: Daily Show vids

* The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, More4, tonight at 8.30pm

By janehoskyn on March 6, 2006 in Channel: More4, Channel: Other, Comedy, Imports, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

News of the Kiefer

Kiefer_sutherland * Kiefer Sutherland thinks there should be a spoof 24 film, made up of outtakes, says today's Sun. "There were so many things that had gone wrong when we were trying to shoot, we thought it would be very funny to do a film. Like Airplane, but us doing it. Either that, or a musical."

* Kiefer Sutherland thinks Jack Bauer must die. "I'll be happy to die. In fact, it's important to the show. I think every [24] actor feels the same way about their role."

* Kiefer Sutherland recently assaulted a 12ft Christmas tree, reports photo-fabulous site Rotten.com, c/o the Sunday Mirror.

After the break: Kiefer vs the Norwegian Spruce

After seven hours of staggering around London's Palace Hotel a couple of days before New Year's Eve, Kiefer lost control at the sight of the lobby's 12-foot Christmas tree. "I hate that fucking Christmas tree," he declared. "I'm smashing it -- can I pay for it?"

A staffer replied: "I'm absolutely sure you can, sir."

Kiefer then hurled himself into the Norwegian Spruce, sending baubles and lights crashing to the ground. Pulling pine needles out of his hair and t-shirt, he said to a hotel employee: "Ooh, sorry about that... You're so cool. This fucking hotel rocks."

Sir, we salute you.

* 24, Sky One, Sundays at 9pm

By janehoskyn on February 15, 2006 in Channel: Sky One, Drama, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Incredible Cop

Lferrigno Jolly angry green giant Lou Ferrigno, aka The Incredible Hulk from off the telly when you were a kid, has become a reserve deputy sheriff in LA.

This is, of course, all part of the Governator's plan to surround himself with cops who look exactly like him: sort of like an army of massive, ripped Oompa Loompas. Could be a good career move for Geoff Capes.

* Get ripped: Personal training with Lou
* Best blog of all time: Hulk's Diary That Is On The Internet
* Hulk vs Thor or "David"? The Hulk on Jump the Shark

By janehoskyn on February 15, 2006 in Imports, Nostalgia Corner, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Maggot

"Neighbours is a classic. If you get home from work for the half-five show, you know you're in for a good night."

Maggot, third-biggest celebrity in Britain, whose favourite TV snack is digestive biscuits with cheddar cheese and Fruit & Nut on top.

* Singalonga Goldie Lookin' Chain: The Maggot
* Buy the Maggot T-shirt: GLC Shop
* Keep Newport Tidy: GLC on MySpace
* GLC at home: YouKnowsIt

By janehoskyn on February 15, 2006 in Quote of the Day, Reality TV, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hill's A-Poppin'

0002e541f01c13ea8f560c01ac1bf814 Neckless physician Harry Hill is all over the front of today's Mirror in what sounds like a mocked-up soap edit from TV Burp.

Seems an "identity fraudster" threatened bad things to a "bank checkout girl" if she didn't hand over confidential details of H's accounts. Thusly, £280,000 was "plundered" from the "TV funnyman's" savings.

The Mirror itself hands over some handy personal details: Hill's real name is Dr Matthew Hall, he's 41 and he banks at the Battersea branch of Halifax.

Still, all's well etc: some of the cash was recovered, and the rest refunded by the bank. The poor cashier probably needs a holiday.

* Best telly sleb website of all time (including you, Gervais): HarryHill.tv
* Bert Kwouk reveals how to catch a chicken: Harry Hill's Fun Book

* Harry Hill's TV Burp, ITV1, Saturday at 5.15pm

By janehoskyn on February 9, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Armando's Quotes of the Day

Bvarm06 "The casting is a hoot because we have to find a 70-year-old David Cameron and a 50-year-old Ant and Dec."

Armando Iannucci, god of all he surveys, creator of The Day Today and The Thick of It, on his upcoming "fake history programme" Time Trumpet (BBC2).

Iannucci's interview in this week's Radio Times is blissfully quotable. I'll probably get community service if I transcribe the whole thing, but it's good manners to share a few choice chunks.

After the break: Iannucci on Paxman, Coke and Satan

"Will my comedy be remembered in 50 years? I expect it's just stuff."

"Everything is bullshit. A weight drops from your shoulders when you realise that every institution is run by people who make it up as they go along. Even the head of Coca-Cola probably asks on a daily basis: 'What do we do now?'"

"I don't see merit in [Jeremy Paxman] automatically flinging the opposite back at a politician. Viewers are gravitating towards programmes like Question Time where politicians are given a chance to say more."

"I got my teenage years slightly wrong."

"I am a bit of a cult, which means 'unpopular'. But I enjoy performing. Maybe it's therapy. It's far better for the country that I do that than be in charge of the economy."

"Part of the anger that drew me to do The Thick of It is my feeling that Blair is a demented manslaughterer, and there's no debate about it. I'd like viewers to think, 'My God, is that how it really happens? We ought to do something.'"

"David Cameron says he was in industry. He was a PR for a media company, where he was known as Satan, I'm told."

By janehoskyn on February 9, 2006 in Channel: BBC2, Comedy, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ricky Goes to Hollywood, Again

2offbkn05 Ricky Gervais goes full-throttle in his bid to be the most-mentioned person on TV Scoop by agreeing to write an episode of The Office, in American.

Gervais and Stephen Merchant will scribble an ep for the series 3, which, in a twisty-turny trick of time and space, didn't exist in the UK.

Yank Brent and mature virgin Steve Carell is back helming The Office: An American Workplace, an NBC slow-burner that's gradually acquired more than 10m loyalists. Reprising Brent was a thankless task, but the splendid Carell won a Golden Globe for his trouble.

After the break: More News of the Ricky

* Matt Groening loves Ricky. Gervais has written and starred in a Simpsons episode, in which he lives with Marge for Wife Swap. Says Groening: "He should be a regular character. In fact, he should have his own cartoon series." Airs on Fox on 26 March.

* Karl Pilkington's line "I could eat a knob at night" is taking over the world. To find out who the flaming willies Karl Pilkington is and what he's got to do with Ricky Gervais, click here.

* Brand Republic reports excitedly that Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Madonna are to star in Extras. Uh-huh. Gervais: "As far as Brad Pitt, David Bowie and Madonna are concerned, they are fans but the only one we have signed up is Tom Cruise." Whatever. It's all publicity, innit?

By janehoskyn on February 7, 2006 in Channel: Other, Comedy, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Traci-Com

C000390im002810 She's a sort, that Traci Bingham. We've already mentioned her idea about bringing back Ab Fab, starring herself. Awesome!

Now we hear that Trace wants to make a Big Brother sitcom, set in the real house and using her fellow celebrity cast members. Double awesome!

Broadcast reports that when Traci pitched her idea to assembled media, "there were polite nods and awkward looks." Hey, Hyperdrive got made, didn't it?

By janehoskyn on February 4, 2006 in Channel: C4, Comedy, Imports, Reality TV, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Serkis Gets His Face Out

Clipboard01_25 The good news for Andy Serkis (Gollum, Kong etc) is that he's finally getting to act with his own face.

The bad news is that the role, in a TV movie for C4, is as inflammatory as they come: Moors murderer Ian Brady.

Brady is not altogether popular with the great British public, especially that section of it inclined to set people's houses on fire because, say, they work as paediatricians.

After the break: Serkis on the importance of C4's film

So it's a bold and brave move by Serkis and by C4, who are making the film about Brady's abhorrent crimes. Open-minded viewers will get the chance to learn about Brady's crimes and why he committed them; less open-minded viewers will get another chance to write "ban this filth" letters.

"People get very defensive about saying 'how can you possibly make a drama about these demons?'," Serkis tells today's Sun. "But I often have to think to myself it is the job of an actor to somehow interpret events that have happened.

"If you are playing a real character, you're not representing the character's belief system. You are trying to show them in an objective way so that the audience can make up their own mind and to look on these characters, however dark, as members of the human race that you can learn something from.

"When people say the families will be very upset I kind of think of how people are very happy to watch documentaries about the Holocaust, Hitler, Auschwitz and how 50 million people died during the Second World War.

"Yet they'll be very incensed about this particular case. They won't feel that about something equally as horrific."

The film will also star the brilliant Samantha Morton in the thankless role of Myra Hindley, Brady's accomplice. No doubt Morton can look forward to some spicy correspondence from Mail readers.

Brady, now 67, remains in Ashworth high security hospital in Merseyside with no prospect of release. Hindley died in custody in November 2002, aged 60. Lord Longford, who campaigned for Hindley's release for many years and will be played in the film by Jim Broadbent, died in 2001 at the age of 95.

"The Longford story is very much about the possibility of redemption no matter what you have done," says Andy Serkis. "That's a very current Christian moral.

"I think this film will no doubt be incredibly controversial and I think it's a very good thing. It's an incredibly intelligent appraisal and a debate which will hopefully make people think."

The Sun, which claims an exclusive, doesn't give a release date, and production Bible IMDb Pro makes no mention of it. If it happens it could be a very important piece of work indeed, so we hope The Sun didn't just make it up.

By janehoskyn on February 4, 2006 in Channel: C4, Drama, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Gervais_magnum_1 "After the Golden Globes I was offered a remake of Magnum PI, with George Clooney as Magnum and me as his butler.

"It never got made, because the fat-faced bloke from Reading said 'no'."

Ricky Gervais, fat-faced bloke from Reading.

By janehoskyn on February 3, 2006 in Comedy, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ricky Goes to Hollywood

Stiller_gervais Anything Gervais can do, Stiller can do better.

Having infiltrated the set of Extras to pick up celeb-booking tips, Ben Stiller has lured Robin Williams, Dick Van Dyke and Mickey Rooney to star in upcoming movie Night at the Museum. And now he's given Ricky a role.

"Ben did [Ricky's] show in an infamous cameo," explains director Shawn Levy, who forgets that the Stiller episode was the weakest of the lot. "Ricky is returning the favour by playing a very uptight museum director."

Get in there, Rick! Could he be the new Catherine Zeta Jones?

By janehoskyn on February 2, 2006 in Comedy, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Baker-like Phone

Who_410 Tom Baker vs David Tennant: let the games begin.

Round 1: Voiceovers
Baker: Shiny Shiny reports that Baker is the new voice of BT's texting service. You type in your text, your mate picks up the landline, and Tom booms out your message. In words!
Tennant: Dave's going to read some audio books.
Winner: Baker

Round 2: Roman numerals
Baker: The fourth Doctor, which makes him Doctor IV.
Tennant: Doctor X, if you include that McGann fella.
Winner: Tennant. Doctor X sounds cool. "Doctor Ivy" sounds like a girl.

Round 3: Google
Baker: "tom baker" yields 737,000 results.
Tennant: "david tennant" gets 270,000.
Winner: Round declared void. There are too many other Tom Bakers.

Round 4: Cosiness with Doctor's assistant
Baker: He married her. For a bit.
Tennant: Spotted "cuddling" by the Daily Star.
Winner: Baker. Tennant was keeping Billie warm.

Round 5: Fansites
Baker: Scads of 'em. The Tom Baker or Normal? game, A history of Tom Baker's scarves, Adopt Tom Baker, Tom Baker fan poetry... (we could go on; we choose not to)
Tennant: David-tennant.com. Oh, here's another one ("there will be a subpage for the Barty Crouch Jr fanlist as soon as I have a picture of David in that character")
Winner: Baker

Overall winner: Baker. But give the wee lad a chance. Casanova rocked.

By janehoskyn on February 2, 2006 in Sci Fi, TV News, TV People, Telly Tech | Permalink | Comments (2)

Jack's Back

2002octoberjackdee Ooh look, a TV news story that's got nothing to do with Celebrity Big Brother.

Celebrity Big Brother winner (2001 vintage) Jack Dee is having another bash at sitcom. Jack, a sour-faced, reassuringly short comedian who does lots of corporate gigs, stars in BBC4's Lead Balloon as Rick, a sour-faced, reassuringly short comedian who does lots of corporate gigs.

Brave of JD to give it another go. His first sitcom effort, Jack & Jeremy's Police 4, lasted one episode in 1995 (Sacha Baron Cohen was in it, CV-watchers). A year later, Jack & Jeremy's Real Lives was dumped to a post-midnight slot after three episodes.

Jack hit ITV ratings-dirt with The Grimleys, but ... well, it was The Grimleys. Fingers crossed for a winner this time, you miserable old bastard.

By janehoskyn on January 29, 2006 in Channel: BBC4, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

News of the George

Galloway_dickie * Labour Party activists today delivered 96 tins of Whiskas to Galloway's Respect Party HQ. What’s New Pussycat by Tom Jones blared from their car stereo as they made the delivery. George's favourite variety of Whiskas is as yet unknown.

* George In Dodgepot Shocker. (MegaStar.co.uk made up this headline because they liked the sound of it.)

* Galloway is "not ashamed", just "slightly embarrassed".

* The Serious Fraud Office is on Galloway's tail. SFO bods have confirmed they're examining a 2005 UN oil-for-food report that fingers Galloway for corrupt dealings.

* GG is chewing over Paxman's invitation to be interviewed on Newsnight. Viewer George Collie emailed Newsnight's website to say there's too much Galloway already, and it's "lowering the tone and quality". (George Collie? Like, a doggy version of George Pussy?)

By janehoskyn on January 26, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Reality TV, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Peep Peep

Peep_show_3 Brace yourselves: C4 is not bringing back Peep Show. Industry sheet Broadcast blames a fall in average ratings, from 1.4m for series 2 to 1.3m for series 3.

But chin up, comrades. This is good news. First, it means that Peep Show never had the chance become Men Behaving Badly. And three series on DVD don't take up much shelf space.

It'll also give David Mitchell and Robert Webb time to practice some red-carpet posing ahead of their movie debuts. Mitchell has just wrapped I Could Never Be Your Woman, directed by Amy (Clueless) Heckerling and featuring a cast that reads like someone's trippy CBB fantasy: Michelle Pfeiffer, Graham Norton, Henry Winkler, Tracey Ullman and Steve Pemberton. What?

After the break: Sketch show car crash ahead?

Meanwhile, Webb has finished filming wacky-wedding Britcom Confetti, in which he stars with Martin Freeman, Julia Davis and the underworked Jimmy Carr.

Once the movie junkets are over, M&W can get cracking on the telly pilot of brill Radio 4 show That Mitchell & Webb Sound -- and on the sketch show that C4 wants them to do, according to Broadcast. Be afraid, chaps. There lie the corpses of The Armando Ianucci Show and Bang Bang It's Reeves & Mortimer. On the other hand, it could be another Fast Show. Watch this space for news.

By janehoskyn on January 26, 2006 in Channel: C4, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1)

Deayton's Pants

Adeayton3 Here's a new one for Galloway if the fine folk of Bethnal Green & Bow boot him out of Parliament.

Nighty Nighty sulk Angus Deayton (remember when he used to present HIGNFY? It's like trying to picture Eamonn Andrews on Crackerjack) is to host Pants on Fire, a new BBC panel game about lying.

Since Galloway is such a moral authority on lying, he'd be the perfect sidekick for Angus. Or maybe the warm-up man, doing animal improvs to keep the proles amused.

He can't be a team captain, because Peep Show marvel David Mitchell and Friday Night Project oddball Alan Carr have first dibs. (Note for New Year strugglers: This Alan Carr is not qualified to help you stop smoking.)

* Galloway has hottest BB eviction odds ever: 1/41
* Breaking news: Telegraph loses libel appeal; Galloway saves £2 million

By janehoskyn on January 25, 2006 in Channel: BBC2, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Lewis "These days it's called the Morse Bar. It even serves a Lewis special: Bacardi, cherry brandy, creme de banana, lime juice and champagne. It's not exactly what I picture Lewis drinking."

Kevin Whately discussing foul bevvies at Oxford's Randolph Hotel, where he used to stay whilst filming Inspector Morse. Whately returns as Sergeant Lewis – now Inspector Lewis – this Sunday in ITV's new spin-off, Lewis. We'll be reviewing it next week.

* Inspector Morse: The Complete Series DVD box-set

* Lewis, ITV1, Sunday 29 Jan, 9pm

By janehoskyn on January 24, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Drama, Quote of the Day, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (2)

Want That One: Peter Kay (Pt 2)

Peter_kay_bikini Peter Kay is the greatest salesman since Ronald McDonald. Bolton's one-man merchandising machine is about to follow the huge success of his manbreast-whittling DVD Max & Paddy's Power of Two with another workout vid, this time set on a beach.

"It appeals to those who want to get in shape for their holidays," said the Rosemary Conley of the north. (Well, that's what Neil Sean in the Metro freesheet, aka Holy Moly's Sean Neil, says he said, so it was probably a quote from Kay's publicist's press release.)

* You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses, and other Peter Kay theories
* Peter Kay is my homeboy: Bolton City Council
* Peter Kay loves Soapstar Superstar

By janehoskyn on January 24, 2006 in Comedy, Commercial Break, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0)

Pete Quote of the Day

D17_2120_dance3b_g "I wouldn't run from a burning building wearing this."

Pete "Severe" Burns, on the baby blue body stocking he wore for CBB's "express an emotion through the medium of dance" task.

Random picking, eh? Barrymore expressing "rage" through Irish dance, Trace n' Den expressing "jealousy", Burns doing robotics... perfect. If Big Brother didn't pre-determine who picked what, I'm Saddam Hussein.

* First-degree Burns: DeadOrAlive.net
* Second-hand Burns: Pete Burns paper dolls on eBay (bayraider.tv)
* No Visible Burns: The Pete Collective

By janehoskyn on January 23, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Quote of the Day, Reality TV, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (1)

Billie Gets Another Job

_40950226_billie_award_pa Rule number one in the TV Casting Agent's Handbook (Sci Fi And Stuff That's A Bit Like It) states: give the job to Billie Piper. Keeps the fanboys happy.

So Billie, who is now five and a half times more powerful in the TV industry than her ex husband, is to star in the latest drama from His Dark Materials author Philip Pullman. The BBC1 adaptation of Ruby in the Smoke casts Billie as Sally Lockhart, a Victorian girl investigating her father's death. No dates yet, but we'll keep you posted.

* Doctor Who episode guide: Outpost Gallifrey
* Doctor Who webcasts: BBC Classic Series

* Doctor Who, series 2 ep 1: 'New Earth', BBC1, spring 2006

By janehoskyn on January 20, 2006 in Channel: BBC1, Drama, Sci Fi, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Webwatch: The Marsh!!!!!!!

Clipboard01_14 "CHANTELLE TO WIN! Vote all the others out!!!! GO CHANTELLE!!!!!!"

Thus spake best-selling author Jodie Marsh, who really really loves exclamation marks, pink, Chantelle, CAPITAL LETTERS, animals and Paul Weller, and really really hates Traci, Dennis, George, Pete, Michael, Rula, Maggot and people who are nasty to animals. Back to Jodie:

"My BLOG is updated (almost) daily by me, myself [sic] and the pictures in the GALLERY have come straight off my own personal digital camera. If you read my book and liked it, you'll love this site!"

* And another thing: The Sunday Times recently sent Chapter 1 of VS Naipaul's Booker-winner In A Free State to 20 agents and publishers, anonymously. None recognised it, and all rejected it. Comments included: "I'm afraid we just weren't quite enthusiastic enough to be able to offer to take things further." Jodie Marsh's Keeping it Real is out in paperback in May.

* Celebrity Big Brother, third eviction, C4, tonight at 9pm

By janehoskyn on January 20, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Reality TV, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Po108015 "One of the first big things I did was a road safety campaign called Splink with Jon Pertwee and Todd Carty, way before Grange Hill. Jon Pertwee [was such] a gentleman. He even turned up in this gold Rolls Royce and let us all sit inside."

Press Gangster Dexter Fletcher, who turns 40 this month. How did that happen?

* Hotel Babylon, BBC1, Thursday 19 Jan, 9pm

By janehoskyn on January 18, 2006 in Channel: BBC1, Comedy, Drama, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Set the Vid: Harry Hill's TV Burp

Harryhill Harry Hill: Marmite with pointy collars. The man is undeniably funny, but his brand of humour is so divisive it's probably been cited on divorce papers.

That said, I'm not sure whether I love him or hate him. Sometimes I'll wet my actual pants at his wobble-headed ramblings and "who's got the biggest face, Mick Hucknall or Rory McGrath?", while at other times he irritates me so much I want to push his head right down inside his collars until he squeaks.

Anyway, his website has most excellent illustrations. Check out the one of Wossy before it changes into something else.

* Harry Hill's TV Burp, ITV1, Saturday 21 Jan, 5.15pm

By janehoskyn on January 18, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, Comedy, Set the Vid, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (1)

Dr Jekyll & Mr Nesbitt

1762_1 Busy Oirish bee James Nesbitt has signed up to star in forthcoming BBC drama, Jekyll.

Says the Radio Times, the series will "give a modern twist" to Robert Louis Stevenson's tale of scientific misadventure. Kind of like Face/Off set in Holby. Filming starts in September.

Jimmy's Big Fat Telly CV (the notable bits):
* OFI Sunday: propping up Evans's ego, 27 Nov '05
* Irish Film & TV Awards: Host, 2004
* Quite Ugly One Morning: Jack, 2004
* The Canterbury Tales: Nick in The Miller's Tale, 2003

Best bits from Jimmy's TV CV, contd:

Murphy's Law (2001-2003) .... Tommy Murphy
Playing the Field (1998-2000) .... John Dolan
Cold Feet (1997-2003) TV Series .... Adam Williams
Touching Evil (1997) .... David Laney
Ballykissangel (1996) .... Leo McGarvey (Series 1)
The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles (1992) .... Yuri

Find the whole lot at IMDb.com

* Rate Nesbitt on Starpulse.com
* Nesbitt is Woody Allen's New Best Friend

By janehoskyn on January 18, 2006 in Channel: BBC1, Drama, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Cilla for Tea

Cb_by_belinda_eaton Cilla Black, the missing link between Pete Burns, Bonnie Langford and a big shouty beaver, is ramping up her comeback effort.

First came the judging gig on ITV's recent horrorshow Soapstar Superstar, and now she's in the frame to replace teatime defector Paul O'Grady.

That'll mean three Scousers head to head across the airwaves. Well, two Scousers and one ginger winker who was "born in the Liverpool area". For variations on gags about how we'll all be able to leave our doors safely unlocked between 5pm and 6pm on a weekday, please click here.

By janehoskyn on January 18, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: ITV1, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Wooster Wins Globe

Clipboard01_13 Lt the Honorable George Colhurst St. Barleigh from off of Blackadder did it for the Brits at the Golden Globe Awards, traditionally the "pre-Oscar Oscars" but also a kind of post-Emmy Emmys. (Shouldn't that be Emmies?)

Housemaster Hugh Laurie, whom it is now compulsory to want to sleep with if you're a female over the age of 31, bagged the gong for Best Performance By An Actor In A Television Series: Drama. Snappy name for an award.

Irish Scarlett Johansson lookalike Jonathan Rhys-Meyers also won for his portayal of Elvis in the CBS mini-series cunningly titled Elvis.

That's about it for the Brits and Irish. The Beeb's Dallas-in-sandals epic Rome lost to Lost for Best TV Drama, and Blackpool, retitled Viva Blackpool in the US ('cos it's a bit like Vegas, innit?), lost to Empire Falls for best mini-series. Kelly Macdonald, Kenneth Branagh and Lost boy Naveen Andrews were other losing nominees, though Ken lost to Rhys-Meyers, so that's OK then.

After the break: Golden Globe TV winners in full

2006 Golden Globes: The telly winners

Best Television Series - Drama - ANNOUNCED 03:37
Commander In Chief (ABC)
Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
Lost (ABC) - WINNER
Prison Break (FOX)
Rome (HBO, BBC)

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Drama - ANNOUNCED 01:32
Patricia Arquette (Medium)
Glenn Close (The Shield)
Geena Davis (Commander In Chief) - WINNER
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
Polly Walker (Rome)

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Drama - ANNOUNCED 01:36
Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy)
Matthew Fox (Lost)
Hugh Laurie (House) - WINNER
Wentworth Miller (Prison Break)
Kiefer Sutherland (24)

Best Television Series - Musical Or Comedy - ANNOUNCED 02:36
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Desperate Housewives - WINNER
Entourage
Everybody Hates Chris
My Name Is Earl
Weeds

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy - ANNOUNCED 02:04
Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives)
Teri Hatcher (Desperate Housewives)
Felicity Huffman (Desperate Housewives)
Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)
Mary-Louise Parker (Weeds) - WINNER

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Musical Or Comedy - ANNOUNCED 01:50
Zach Braff (Scrubs)
Steve Carell (The Office) - WINNER
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Jason Lee (My Name Is Earl)
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men)

Best Mini-Series Or Motion Picture Made for Television - ANNOUNCED 01:48
Empire Falls - WINNER
Into The West
Lackawanna Blues
Sleeper Cell
Viva Blackpool
Warm Springs

Best Performance by an Actress In A Mini-series or Motion Picture Made for Television - ANNOUNCED 02:18
Halle Berry (Their Eyes Were Watching God)
Kelly MacDonald (The Girl In The Café)
S. Epatha Merkerson (Lackawanna Blues) - WINNER
Cynthia Nixon (Warm Springs)
Mira Sorvino (Human Trafficking)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - ANNOUNCED 02:14
Kenneth Branagh (Warm Springs)
Ed Harris (Empire Falls)
Bill Nighy (The Girl In The Café)
Jonathan Rhys Meyers (Elvis) - WINNER
Donald Sutherland (Human Trafficking)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - ANNOUNCED 01:21
Candice Bergen (Boston Legal)
Camryn Manheim (Elvis)
Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy) - WINNER
Elizabeth Perkins (Weeds)
Joanne Woodward (Empire Falls)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television - ANNOUNCED 01:19
Naveen Andrews (Lost)
Paul Newman (Empire Falls) - WINNER
Jeremy Piven (Entourage)
Randy Quaid (Elvis)
Donald Sutherland (Commander In Chief)

By janehoskyn on January 17, 2006 in Channel: Five, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Crop_justin "I went through a phase of smoking cigars. At the time I thought it was quite nice, but I'd wake up in the morning and it felt like someone had pissed in my eyes."

Justin Lee Collins won't be sharing smokes with George the Cat, then.

* Destination Three, BBC3, Mon-Fri at 11.30pm

By janehoskyn on January 16, 2006 in Channel: BBC3, Comedy, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1)

Eva Quote of the Day

Evalongoriainlove2 "God blessed me with some great, unique features. I have no desire to tamper with that. I always get good feedback so I guess some people out there must like the way I look."

Eva Longoria, in today's News of the World. We can always rely on our girl for a quote post on a slow news day.

(One day in 2089, Google Images will run out of photos of Eva in a bikini.)

* Desperate Housewives, new series starts on C4 this Wednesday, 10pm

By janehoskyn on January 15, 2006 in Channel: C4, Drama, Imports, Quote of the Day, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

News of the Marsh

D03_2020_show_jodie_g_1 I'd have spent the weekend knocking out a Team Marsh T-shirt (like Team Aniston with eyebags), but it's old news: Jodie Marsh is now safely away from the three ugly sisters.

Quick compare n' contrast. Barrymore, Galloway and Burns: three middle-aged men with all the humanity of a pissed-up locust swarm. Preston and Maggot: tracksuited and tattooed twentysomethings with the politeness, kindness and tolerance that their "elders and betters" can't manage. Youth of today, eh?

After the break: Surprise! Jodie's in the News of the World

No shock to see Jodie giving an exclusive interview to today's News of the World, but it's a little surprising that she saves her fiercest ire for Dirty Den Rodman.

Says the Screws: "the glamour girl revealed how he BEGGED her to get in his bed, RUBBED against her body and grabbed and GROPED her."

Having failed to shag any of the traditonally-created women in the house, says Jodie, Den is now trying it on with Pete Burns. How sweet: they could share shoes.

* All about The Marsh: Jodie's profile on C4's official BB site

* In eloquent defence of The Marsh: Germain Greer in Friday's Guardian

* The Marsh, drunk: Jodie on Befuddle

* Celebrity Big Brother, C4 and E4, constantly

By janehoskyn on January 15, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Reality TV, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

More Coogan

P2 After years of lie-ins and the odd tabloid scrap with Courtney Love, Steve Coogan has made it his New Year resolution to be on the telly more often than Jimmy Carr.

Once the current round of TV interviews for A Cock & Bull Story is over, Coogan will start filming Saxondale (working title). The six-part comedy from the creators of Nighty Night and Sensitive Skin follows the fortunes of a Stevenage-based pest control officer who used to be a music roadie. Wonder if Courtney gets a cameo?

* Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story, in UK cinemas 27 January

By janehoskyn on January 14, 2006 in Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jon Stewart Wins Oscar

Nysc10110120117vsmall And the Oscar hosting job goes to... Daily Show maestro Jon Stewart, the man currently giving much-needed cardiac massage to 'Murkan political satire. Irony is not dead in the land of the free (sic), it's just hidden on Comedy Central.

Stewart can only fare better than Chris Rock, last year's Academy Awards host. On the scale of uncomfortable viewing experiences, Rock's monologue registered just below Michael Barrymore crying in the Big Brother toilet.

Says Stewart: "As an avid watcher of the Oscars, I can't help but be a little disappointed with the choice. It appears to be another sad attempt to smoke out [multi-Oscar host] Billy Crystal."

* The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, More4, tonight at 8.30pm
* The 78th Academy Awards, live on ABC, Sunday 5 March 2006

By janehoskyn on January 13, 2006 in Channel: Other, Comedy, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Jj20abrams "At the point of exhaustion from directing Mission:Impossible 3, all I wanted to do was write or direct another episode of Lost. If I hadn't helped create it, I'd be furious with myself for not thinking of it first."

Lost overlord JJ Abrams, fresh from helming this summer's MI:3.

* Lost, season finale, repeated on C4 this Sunday at 5.55pm

By janehoskyn on January 12, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Drama, Imports, Quote of the Day, Sci Fi, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Alex's Death Wish

Alex_zaneimage Tousled sexbean Alex Zane is to host a week of live hangings and animal attacks on E4.

Episodes in the Death Wish Live! mini-season will air after a short time delay, just in case anyone receives a particularly graphic mauling.

Each of the five shows features a different performer attempting a cunning stunt. So you have escapologist Jonathan Goodwin being hanged, The Pain Men getting attacked by jellyfish and someone called Zamora the Torture King kicking back on a bed of nails while a trucks drives over him. All in a day's work.

* Death Wish Live!, E4, every night from Monday 30 January

By janehoskyn on January 12, 2006 in Channel: E4, Reality TV, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Coogan's Terrible

Steve_coogan_3 Steve Coogan, currently schmoozing the movie junkets for Tristram Shandy: A Cock And Bull Story, has admitted that his 2001 spoof horror series Dr Terrible's House of Horrible was rubbish.

Ratings for the six-episode BBC2 show barely scraped seven figures, and the critics hated it. Steve says it's a fair cop. "I took my eye off the ball, really. Not the wisest move I've made."

If you're one of the millions who never saw it, buy it off Amazon. You get to see Alan Partridge with no hair.

By janehoskyn on January 11, 2006 in Channel: BBC2, Comedy, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

O'Grady's off to C4

1246997 Seems that even telly bigwigs go a bit soft in the head around Christmas. After ITV forgot to renew Paul O'Grady's contract, the daytime ratings-hoover has jumped ship to C4 – home of his big rivals, Richard & Judy. Oops.

British Comedy Award-winner O'Grady will now share the 5pm slot with R&J, with each show airing for half the year. It'll mean an afternoon ratings bonanza for C4, which is on a roll with Deal Or No Deal and the new Des-shaped Countdown.

By janehoskyn on January 11, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: ITV1, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Buy Martha! Sell Martha!

Marthastewart1 OK so I did watch some telly in Vegas. Slappable jailbird Martha Stewart pops up every day during that post-buffet-breakfast ablution time, and sucks you into a bizarre world of homely touches like Derren Brown in Delia form.

Once you're under, Martha unleashes a Katrina of self promotion: Martha Stewart Living magazine, Marthasflowers.com, The Apprentice and the Kmart Martha Stewart Everyday range were all plugged during one 50-minute show.

You'd have thought that a woman banged up for over-enthusiastic share trading would be a tad shy around capitalism, but our Martha was born to sell.

Note to Five: Loving your strategy of buying US telly progs. But for God's sake, please leave this one on the shelf.

By janehoskyn on January 11, 2006 in Channel: Other, Imports, TV People, TV Reviews | Permalink | Comments (1)

News Bits

Hugh_laurie * Hugh (House) Laurie and Ian (Deadwood) McShane have both received nominations in the 12th annual Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Other telly tesps up for awards include Larry David for Curb Your Enthusiasm, Jason Lee for My Name is Earl and William Shatner for Boston Legal. The winners are announced on 29 January.

* The Goodies, who got their very own nostalgia-show a couple of weeks back, have called for for someone (anyone) to start a campaign to get them back on telly. Ecky thump.

* The BBC has apologised "unreservedly" for a Gypsy gag made by Jimmy Carr. Now they just have to apologise for giving him so much airtime.
[Katie]

By Katie on January 6, 2006 in Comedy, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1)

Quote of the Day

Courtney_love110 "All I get offered is porn parts, when in reality there's so much more to me."

Courtney Love, who wants to star in a big-screen remake of 80s trash-telly classic Dallas.

Courtney's latest project is a biopic of... porn star Linda Lovelace.

By janehoskyn on January 5, 2006 in Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Johnny_vaughan "I love anything to do with Michael Palin. He's such a good ambassador, we should have sent him into Iraq before the war. He would have made everyone realise how childish they were."

Johnny Vaughan

* Pole to Pole, UKTV Documentary, Monday 9 Jan, 8pm

By janehoskyn on January 4, 2006 in Channel: UKTV, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

That Tom Cruise Pic Again

Oprah2_3 Tom Cruise has been admitted to an institution.

The Historical Dictionary of American Slang has given its coveted Slang of the Year award to the term "jumping the couch", defined as: "exhibiting strange or erratic behaviour".

The entry, of course, is inspired by the incident in which Tom leapt onto Oprah Winfrey's couch, barmy with love for the bird out of Dawson's Creek. The term itself is a remix of "jumping the shark," a reference to the moment when Happy Days lost its mojo.

* Link: When TV shows go bad: JumpTheShark.com

By janehoskyn on January 3, 2006 in Imports, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Felicity_huffman "[I asked them], what's it like when people say, 'You're awfully tall for a woman. How come your hands are so big and your voice is so deep?'"

– Desperate Housewife Felicity Huffman, on researching her role as a pre-op transsexual man in upcoming flick Transamerica.

By janehoskyn on January 3, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Jumped or Pushed?

Lauriemetcalf Version 1: Laurie (Roseanne) Metcalf, who'd signed up to play Homeland Security official Karen Hayes in 24, has pulled out.

Version 2: Laurie (Roseanne) Metcalf, who'd signed up to play Homeland Security official Karen Hayes in 24, has been given the boot.

Either way, Laurie has been replaced by Jayne Atkinson, who's been in Law & Order and The X Files.

"We still hope that we will have the chance to create a role for Laurie sometime down the line," says producer Howard Gordon. Yeah they always say that.

By janehoskyn on January 2, 2006 in Drama, Imports, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Eva Quote of the Day

Eva_longoria "[Women] want to look like me or Teri Hatcher, but it's impossible if you're not made that way genetically. It's sad."

– Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria

* Desperate Housewives, Season 2 comes to C4 and E4 later this month

By janehoskyn on January 2, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Comedy, Drama, Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Little Girls Lost, Pt 2

Lost_mugshots_1 As Lost reaches its Exodus on C4 this week, two cast members have run into a spot of bother with the LA cops.

Season 2-ers Michelle Rodriguez (top) and Cynthia Watros (eyebags of Satan) were arrested on 1 December for drink-driving in Honolulu, and it now emerges that Rodriguez was breaking probation and may face jail.

After the break: Mild spoilers. Ah go on...

Unless you're diddling with torrents (we don't know what we're talking about), you won't have seen Michelle Rodriguez (top) or Cynthia Watros (eyebags of Satan) in Lost-shaped action yet, though you may know Rodriguez from flicks including The Fast & the Furious.

Both women play "tail-enders", survivors from the back of the plane. Rodriguez's character Ana-Lucia is not, let us say, the easiest of characters to like, and her off-screen bad-girl activities are practically method acting. All publicity is good publicity.

Formal charges will be made on 24 January, but will not come to court until after 30 March.

As for when Season 2 comes to C4 or E4, not even John Locke himself has a clue about that one.

* Lost: Exodus (Part 1), C4, Wednesday 4 Jan, 10pm
* Lost: Exodus (Part 2), C4, Wednesday 11 Jan, 10pm
* Lost: Exodus (Part 3), C4, Wednesday 11 Jan, 11.05pm

By janehoskyn on January 1, 2006 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Drama, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

OFI Another One

Evans_lucker_1 Here's a handy Cut Out & Keep tale of PR-friendly lovin' from today's News of the Screws.

"Sparks flew when [insert name] appeared on Chris Evans' show two weeks ago.

"My source tells me: 'They couldn't keep their hands off each other. Chris and [name] are definitely together and they are very, very happy.'"

After the break: Is it a Piper? Is it a Halliwell?

This time, the winner of the Screws' annual traditional Chris Evans Pulls Inappropriately Attractive Bird competition is:

Zoe Lucker from Footballers' Wives.

Hang in there, Zoe. Evans has got some great telly contacts, and you never know where it might lead. Doctor Who's new assistant?

By janehoskyn on January 1, 2006 in Channel: ITV1, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Derrenbrown "This isn't hypnotism. If hypnotists could convince people to rob banks, they wouldn't be charging 50 quid to stop you smoking."

– Head-messing mentalist Derren Brown, who's about to persuade 12 middle-managers to rob a security van at gunpoint. Without them knowing that he's persuading them to rob a security van at gunpoint.

* The Heist, C4, Weds 4 January, 9pm

By janehoskyn on December 31, 2005 in Channel: C4, Quote of the Day, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Walliams for Lunch

Walliams1 Ladies! Was your Christmas dinner a bit shit?

Here's a tip for next year. While you're making small talk over MDF-flavoured turkey with your in-laws, pretend you're flirting with David Walliams.

That fantasy got thousands of British women through the Xmas ordeal, according to a poll from booze peddlars Piat d'Or. When asked which sleb they wish they'd shared their sprouts with, most (by a huge margin) said Walliams, followed by Peter Kay, Robbie Williams and Ricky Gervais.

After the break: Shock result for Martin and Paltrow

No big surprises there. Comedians are uncommonly fanciable, and everyone's mum wants to shag Robbie.

But further down the list, things start getting odd. Sarah Jessica Parker? Who exactly were Piat d'Or talking to? Girly-looking people queuing outside G.A.Y?

Even odder, the cast of The Royle Family come in at number 8. First off, The Royle Family hasn't been on telly for about five years. Second off... really? I suppose if you're on a diet, it helps to have Jim Royle around to eat everything. Otherwise they'll just take up all your sofa space, monopolise the telly and fart all night.

Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow. Not really sure what to say to that. Except that all polls are rubbish.

Top 10 celebs women want to have round for Christmas dinner:

1. David Walliams (30.3%)

2. Peter Kay (12.7%)

3. Robbie Williams (10.2%)

4. Ricky Gervais (8.3%)

5. Simon Cowell (7.9%)

6. Sarah Jessica Parker (7.5%)

7. Jude Law (7%)

8. The Royle Family (6.7%)

9. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow (4.8%)

10. The Queen (4.6%)

* Little Britain, UK Gold, Wednesday 4 Jan, 9pm

By janehoskyn on December 30, 2005 in Channel: BBC1, Comedy, Listmania, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Springer "I love being in Britain because I can watch that soap based in Albert Square. You have some beautiful actresses in this country. Michelle Ryan, for starters."

Jerry Springer, in BBC.co.uk's quotes of the year. Be afraid, Michelle.

* The Springer Show, ITV2, Mon-Fri at 3pm

By janehoskyn on December 30, 2005 in Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Desperate Fishwife

Clipboard01_5 Tubby introvert Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives) ran into a spot of cop-based bother with her bloke on Christmas Eve.

The trouble began when Eva's boyfriend, basketballing beanpole Tony Parker, held up traffic as he stood in his car to celebrate a goal or something. Parker refused to move, and a cop hit Parker's car. Hit it. With his hand. Big man.

After the break: Eva says a bad word

The police report says that passenger Eva "began screaming in a verbally abusive manner" (specifically: "Well fuck you, then"). Through a publicist, Eva later denied saying this potty word.

Parker was fined and lil' Eva escaped arrest, which is a shame for The Smoking Gun, because a Longoria mugshot would have been perfect to illustrate the story. We've settled for a pic of Eva in traditional costume.

By janehoskyn on December 30, 2005 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Imports, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Jools "The Tube was marvellous and exciting while it was there, but we've all moved along. It's like, you have your dinner, and you don't go away missing it."

Jools Holland, co-presenter of seminal 80s music show The Tube and now televisions's official Hogmanay troubadour.

This year's Hootenanny features Kaiser Chiefs, Goldfrapp and Marc Almond, so it sounds a bloody sight more fun than freezing your bum-cheeks off in the local square. We won't even mention BBC1. (Kaplinsky.)

* Jools's Annual Hootenanny, BBC2, Saturday 31 Dec, 11pm

By janehoskyn on December 29, 2005 in Channel: BBC2, Quote of the Day, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Strange Case of the Letterman Loony

Dave1997 As Katie Holmes has recently discovered, fame brings with it the risk that you'll attract obsessional freaks.

A woman who claimed that David Letterman sent her "coded messages" via The Late Show won a restraining order against him earlier this month.

Happily the judge, who issued the bizarre order, yesterday lifted it and Dave is now allowed to go within three yards of his accuser, whom he's never met. Bet he's delighted.

After the break: Code words, gestures and "eye expressions"

Colleen Nestler, the Santa Fe woman who took out the restraining order, had claimed in court that Letterman caused her "mental cruelty" for 11 years, forcing her to go bankrupt.

She accused him of using code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to send her messages since she began sending him "thoughts of love" after The Late Show began in 1993.

One alleged message was for Nestler to move to New York to be trained as Letterman's co-host.

Nestler, who defended herself in court, said she had no proof of the alleged messages. She added that if Letterman or any of his representatives came near her, she would "break their legs".

The restraining order was passed on 15 December, and stated that Letterman had to stay at least three yards away from Nestler and not "think of [her], and release [her] from his mental harassment and hammering".

Letterman's lawyer, Pat Rogers, dismissed the claims as "absurd and frivolous". Rogers argued that his client was "entitled to a protection of his legal rights and a protection of his reputation".

Following the lifting of the order, Nestler said she has achieved her purpose, since "the public knows that this man cannot come near me". Freak.

* Listmania: Late Show Top Ten Archive

* The Late Show with David Letterman, ITV4, tonight at 12.05am (guest: Steve Martin)

By janehoskyn on December 28, 2005 in Channel: ITV4, Comedy, Imports, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Gervaisdance"There was an earthquake [in LA], 3.4 on the Richter scale. Barely made the news. I was terrified. It's like they decided to build the most amazing city and said, 'Let's put it on this faultline. It's sunny!'

"Why not build just a bit further away, maybe less sunny, but away from the earthquakes?"

Ricky Gervais

* Ricky Gervais Meets Larry David, C4, Thurs 5 Jan, 10.15pm

By janehoskyn on December 28, 2005 in Channel: C4, Channel: More4, Comedy, Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Nicollette's Booby Prize

Clipboard01_3 Desperate Housewife Nicollette Sheridan "is in secret talks" to take over from Rachel Hunter as the official boobs of bra maker Ultimo, reckons today's Sun.

Given that Nicollette is the only Housewife not nominated for a Golden Globe award, we feel contractually obliged to roll out a hilarious gag about booby prizes and "who's got the golden globes now?"

(Move on folks, nothing to see here.)

By janehoskyn on December 27, 2005 in Channel: C4, Comedy, Drama, Imports, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Set the Vid: Ideal

Johnny_vegas_xmas_1 While the rest of Christendom picks off the turkey carcass and wallows in a pool of its own sloth, Johnny Vegas is working hard on a second series of BBC3's pot and pot-bellies sitcom, Ideal.

But don't feel too sorry for him. As you'll see in tonight's Xmas special, Johnny's role as Moz involves lying on a sofa and rolling big fat spliffs for the carnival of degenerates who buy them off him. ("I deal," see?)

After the break: All Moz wants for Christmas

Tonight, Moz has to endure a Christmas Special. All he wants is a quiet smoke, but his plans are thwarted by customers in search of festive recreationals. It's not bad, but it's not altogether good either. One day, someone will find a decent vehicle for Johnny Vegas; this isn't it.

(Whoever said "forklift truck", see me after class.)

* Ideal Christmas special, BBC3, tonight, 10.30pm
* Ideal, repeat of series 1 starts Monday 2 Jan, 12.15am

By janehoskyn on December 27, 2005 in Channel: BBC3, Comedy, Set the Vid, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Evangeline_lilly "All I do is swim, cycle, lift weights, aerobicise, dance, kayak, climb, hike, run and do sit-ups, stretches and push-ups."

Evangeline (Kate) Lilly from Lost. As if you needed any more encouragement to feel like a big fat Xmas munter.

* Lost, C4, tomorrow at 10.15pm; E4, tomorrow at 11pm

By janehoskyn on December 27, 2005 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Drama, Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

When David Met David

Larry_david Had enough festive cheer? Then set the vid for next week's C4 special in which Davids Brent and Larry, twin titans of tactlessness, meet over a latte. It's bound to end in tears.

"The production company that makes Peep Show approached me about doing a programme where I'd interview my comedy heroes," says Ricky Gervais. "So I said, 'OK, I'll do it if you get Larry David,' thinking it'd be the last I'd hear about it."

After the break: What happened next

But Larry, high priest of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, had a free afternoon while Ricky happened to be in LA for the Emmys. So, says Ricky, they "spent a day together just talking about comedy. It was brilliant."

C4 has now commissioned an occasional series of interrogations from Gervais. The brains behind Spinal Tap and The Simpsons are already lined up, and Garry Shandling, creator and star of The Larry Sanders Show, is on the wish list.

* Ricky Gervais Meets Larry David, C4, Thurs 5 Jan, 10.15pm
* Curb Your Enthusiasm, More4, tomorrow and Weds at 11.10pm
* The Larry Sanders Show, ITV4, Weds at 11pm

By janehoskyn on December 26, 2005 in Channel: C4, Channel: More4, Comedy, Imports, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1)

Festive Quote of the Day

Vic_reeves"That dinosaur Barney... I'd like to blow it up with nitroglycerine. And I can't stand Sesame Street."

– Vic Reeves

By janehoskyn on December 25, 2005 in Comedy, Nostalgia Corner, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Desperate Cameos

Felicity_huffman25 Dear Santa,

I heard that Christina Ricci and Dustin Hoffman are doing cameos on the telly. That's not fair. I've never been asked to do a cameo on the telly, even though I'm much taller than both of those guys.

I was in ER so I know how to do TV, and my wife is in Desperate Housewives (but she's not desperate, ha ha!), so can you please fix it for me to be in it too?

love from William H Macy xxx

After the break: Santa's reply, and a brief history of Desperate cameo rumours

Dear William,

I'm a bit busy today, son. Couldn't you have asked me a few weeks ago?

But since you're a lot taller than Ricci and Hoffman, and since you're married to that Lynette chick, I reckon I can do something for you.

How about a turn as a guy who dates a woman played by the real-life wife of Lynette's on-screen husband, Tom? You know, like a double date.

I could even arrange some kissy-kissing if you could ask that cute Eva chick to pop on over and help Santa with his New Year R n' R.

Stay gold, Macy boy,

Santa

* Latest: Rumours are flying that Santa's fixed it for Boogie Nights star William, but there's no confirmation yet from the Housewives' network ABC. "We'll have to wait and see if it happens," says Macy. "But it would be a blast."

Three more stars rumoured to want a cameo on Housewives:

* Britney Spears
In March this year, Britney was reportedly "snubbed" by Housewives producers after she'd "been begging producers for a cameo role in the hit show for months". Apparently she was turned down because producers thought "guest appearances would ruin the show's appeal".

* Cameron Diaz
"Cameron is one of the 20 million fans of the show and thought it would be quite cool to play herself," an "insider" told the Daily Star, in a December 2004 story that was not at all an excuse to puff the show and print a picture of the lovely Cameron. "She thinks it will be a hoot to star in the ratings smash of the year." Uh-huh.

* Elton John
The newlywed troubadour has, says Femalefirst.co.uk, "begged" producers to give him a cameo. In an unlikely turn of phrase, the site claims that "the singer courted star Teri Hatcher when she appeared in the video for Turn the Lights off When You Leave." Does MypartnerDavid know about this?

* Jessica Simpson
The Asda Daisy Duke was said last week to have won the cameo that "every other person in celebrity land" wants. According to MSN.com, an "insider" said: "There's talk of her being on an episode or two... To add fuel to the fire Simpson was recently seen lunching with star of the show Eva Longoria. An eavesdropper allegedly overheard Simpson saying to Longoria: 'Thanks for making me laugh. You know how much I need that right now.'" Retch.

The star who actually did cameo on Housewives:

* Ryan O'Neal
70s sexcrumpet and former father-in-law of John McEnroe played Rodney Scavo in the Jan 2005 episode Your Fault.

By janehoskyn on December 25, 2005 in Channel: C4, Channel: E4, Comedy, Drama, Imports, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Christina Cameos

Christina_ricci_2You're not a proper Hollywood star until you've been asked to do a TV cameo. That's TV cameo, not TV role. A TV role means that you're no longer getting movie roles (Kiefer Sutherland, Geena Davis) or that you're pensionable (Martin Sheen). A TV cameo means you're hot, but not so hot that a little self-promotion wouldn't hurt.

Latest Hall of Cameo inductees are actual legend Dustin Hoffman, parachuted into HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, and alterna-Lohan Christina Ricci, set to appear as "not a patient" in ABC's medical drama Grey's Anatomy.

Ricci's Anatomy will air right after the 2006 Superbowl, while Hoffman decorates Curb's season finale. We'll see both episodes in the UK in, oh, ages.

After the break: Best and worst TV cameos

Top 5 A-list TV cameos

1. David Duchovny as himself, but not quite himself, on the The Larry Sanders Show. The nuts, the dressing gown, the horror... (1998, ep: Flip)

2. Garry Shandling (aka Larry Sanders) and Tea Leoni (Duchovny's wife) in The X Files (2000, ep: Hollywood AD)

3. Liza Minnelli as Lucille Austero on Arrested Development. Less a cameo, more a regular guest spot, but Liza deserves a bit of rule-bending (2003-4)

4. Cher and Elton John doing the gayest cameos ever on Will & Grace (2002)

5. Friends. All of it. No TV show has ever been more gratuitously strewn with big-name cames: Bruce Willis, Julia Roberts, Brooke Shields, Chris Isaak, Jean-Claude Van Damme, George Clooney, Elliott Gould, Elle Macpherson, Dakota Fanning, Danny DeVito, Donny Osmond, Christina Applegate, Hank Azaria, Jeff Goldblum... please let me stop now, it's Christmas Eve and my nose is running.

And the worst celeb TV cameo of all time:

Anthony LaPaglia as Daphne's brother in Frasier (2000)

By janehoskyn on December 24, 2005 in Channel: Five, Channel: LivingTV, Channel: More4, Comedy, Drama, Imports, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Tobias or Not Tobias?

Clipboard01_1 Tobias Fünke out of Arrested Development is the greatest sitcom character of the 21st century: Discuss.

First, the case against, by Underhyped. (It's a bit long-winded, so here's the gist.)
* Exhibit A: "David Cross is, in fact, an asshole."
* Exhibit B: Scary Movie 2 is not very good, and David Cross is in it.

After the break: The case continues

The case against, contd:

* Exhibit C: "Arrested Development is not fun to watch, and it’s not funny."
* Exhibit D: "David Cross as Tobias is not funny."
* Exhibit E: "I have no idea why people like Arrested Development."
* Exhibit F: "Jason Bateman’s an idiot."
* Exhibit G: David Cross once wrote a poem for Starbucks.
* Exhibit H: David Cross is not as funny as he was in HBO's Mr Show with Bob & David.
* Exhibit I: David Cross makes fun of "rednecks, religious folk and non-aging-comedian-hipster types". (And this is a problem because...?)

The case for, by me:

* Exhibit A: The scene on the pirate ship.
* Exhibit B: Tobias has a rare condition called never-nude syndrome (gymnophobia), which means he must always wear denim cut-off shorts under his trousers. Find out more: Never-nude.com.
* Exhibit C: "Frightened Inmate #2".
* Exhibit D: Carl Weathers is his acting coach.
* Exhibit F: "The Man Inside Me".
* Exhibit G: The Blue Man Group.
* Exhibit H: The blue handprints.
* Exhibit I: In the 90s, Tobias fronted a folk band called Dr Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution. Every song was about new medicines and their potential harmful effects. They were sponsored by the Natural Life Food Company.
* Exhibit J: The blue handprints.
* Exhibit K: He's called Tobias Fünke.

Verdict: Underhyped is overruled. Tobias Fünke out of Arrested Development is the greatest sitcom character of the 21st century.

By janehoskyn on December 22, 2005 in Channel: BBC2, Channel: BBC4, Comedy, Imports, TV People, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Kaiser_chiefs_ricky_wilson_6_250_250x300

"The BBC offered it to me but I was so busy they got a lookalike. It's the kind of thing I've got down for my autumn years."

– Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson, on being offered the role of Doctor Who. (Note for astonished geeks: Ricky's joking.)

* David Tennant on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, BBC1, Friday 23 Dec, 10.25pm
* Doctor Who, BBC1, Sunday 25 Dec, 7pm

By janehoskyn on December 21, 2005 in Channel: BBC1, Quote of the Day, Set the Vid, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ghostman on Ice

Shirley Steady your camera phones, proto-paps: Shirley Ghostman's other half, Marc Wootton, can be spotted out and about in Manchester whilst filming new BBC2 sitcom, Bladecamp.

The show follows the rivalry between arch enemies in the mean world of amateur ice-skating. Details are sketchy, so we can't say whether there'll be any Tonya-style spinal knifings.

Also signed up for acting duty are Deborah (State of Play) Findlay, Nina (Goodness Gracious Me) Wadia and Maria (Fast Show) McErlane.

* Bladecamp, BBC2, due summer 2006

By janehoskyn on December 20, 2005 in Channel: BBC2, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Cowell Pulls Posh

Posh_piers_cowell_2 Underfed spendthrift Victoria Beckham, rent-a-poshgob Piers "Morgan" Moron and old ladies' sex fantasy Simon Cowell are to judge wannabe "variety acts" in a new ITV1 talent show, presented by Paul O'Grady.

"[Posh's] career could turn around in a millisecond," said Cowell after his 15th vodka last night (unconfirmed). "The public would become more endeared to her." Hic.

* Spicefact: Geri Halliwell (yoga vintage) made up numbers on the panel of Popstars: The Rivals in 2002. So excellent was her performance that she's hardly been off our screens since.

By janehoskyn on December 19, 2005 in Channel: ITV1, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Images "I always end up in a swimming costume and leave the acting to plainer girls."

Eva Longoria, Desperate Housewife and Golden Globes Best Actress nominee

By janehoskyn on December 16, 2005 in Channel: C4, Comedy, Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Borat_4 "We have taken the site down so that he can't badmouth Kazakhstan under the '.kz' domain name. He can go and do whatever he wants at other domains."

– A Kazakh interweb official, explaining why his department has kicked Borat's www.borat.kz website into cyber-history. Click on it now and you get a 'Cannot find server' page.

By janehoskyn on December 15, 2005 in Comedy, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Ant & Dec to Probe Princes

Ant_dec_william_harry_copy_1 Jungle bunnies Ant and Dec are to interview a pair of ginger old Etonians on the telly next May.

They'll "chat" to William and Harry to celebrate the 30th anniversary of The Prince's Trust. There will be a concert too, almost certainly of the Will Young-Girls Aloud variety.

It'll be on ITV1. Like you'd never have guessed.

By janehoskyn on December 14, 2005 in Channel: ITV1, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Catherine_tate_lauren "I think we've both had the idea. Vicky Pollard is absolutely brilliant and if Matt (Lucas) was up for it, I'd love to do a face-off with her."

Catherine Tate, on behalf of Lauren the schoolgirl.

* The Catherine Tate Christmas Show, BBC2, Tuesday 20 December, 9pm

By janehoskyn on December 14, 2005 in Channel: BBC2, Comedy, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Celebrity Space Cadets

Shatner_and_principal_in_space Two actors will be planted among the passengers on Richard Branson's first-ever commercial space flight, due for lift-off in 2008.

Vintage TV nearly-legends William Shatner and Victoria (Dallas) Principal will help convince their fellow astronauts that the whole thing is real. Physicist Stephen Hawking has also signed up, presumably to do the lecture bit. We're told that Johnny Vaughan will not be involved.

Kirk, 74, and Pammy, 59, each paid £115,000 to be sent 70 miles above Earth in one of the two-and-a-half-hour flights on board Branson's Virgin Galactic, due to lift off from Roswell, New Mexico.

Corrections & clarifications: OK, they're not plants. But everything else is true, including the Roswell bit.

* Pamfact: Victoria Principal's mum is called Ree Veal.

By janehoskyn on December 14, 2005 in TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Celeb BB: Place Your Bets

Cbb Tonight, children, we're going to pretend that we're in the foul, reeking cesspit of TV Hell. Who might we find there?

Perhaps "Dr" Gillian McKeith, wagging her witchy finger at Derek "Shirley" Acorah. Or maybe chesty coffin-chaser Anna-Nicole Smith, bitchslapping Boy George while Tarby plays Winner Takes All with Johnny Vegas.

But heavens crikey, children! It's real!

We know that this colourful posse will enter the Celebrity Big Brother house in January, because, despite not a peep from the C4 press office, it's just been splashed on The Sun's website. TV Squad and TV Tattle both seem to believe it. And that's good enough for us.

* Celebrity Big Brother, C4, starts Thursday 5 Jan, 9pm

By janehoskyn on December 13, 2005 in Channel: C4, Reality TV, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Suw_barker "Obviously you will be hoping to defend the Six Nations with your star player Gavin Henson ... as long as you can keep him out of Church."

Sue Barker, during Sunday's BBC Sports Personality of the Year. Faces froze. Tumbleweed skittered across Studio 1. Pele went "que?"

Barker is today hiding under her mullet as BBC bosses dish out apologies to Henson and his Welsh lady love.

* Charlotte Church: Confessions of a Teen Angel, ITV1, tonight at 11pm

By janehoskyn on December 13, 2005 in Channel: BBC1, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Little Girls Lost

Lost_mugshots If...
... you've watched ABC on Stateside soil lately, or
... you can see into the future, or
... you have a kind US friend who sends you DVDs, or
... you know what a torrent is (a very bad thing)

Then you'll know why the arrest of Hollywood person Michelle Rodriguez and previously unheard-of Cynthia Watros is causing us some excitement. If not, then you probably won't. In which case, it probably counts as a Lost spoiler.

After the break: What are we on about? Warning: here be spoilers

Right, let's continue. Rodriguez and Watros are now two of the most famous women in America, thanks to their starring roles as Ana-Lucia and Libby in Season 2 of Lost.

After a hard day's filming in Hawaii last week, the women were pulled over and charged with drink-driving – in separate cars. Both were immortalised in lovely mugshots (above), and released on $600 bail.

The pair are among the "tailer-enders", the whole new gang of survivors who'd been in the back of the plane and landed elsewhere on the island.

By janehoskyn on December 11, 2005 in Channel: C4, Imports, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Chris_evans_2 "Jude Law accepted the gift with thanks but can't come on the show. Gordon Ramsay accepted the wine but unfortunately said he can't come. Rod Stewart can't come but loved the present for his son and Paul O'Grady also said no. Still, Rupert Grint is happy to come on."

Chris Evans, struggling to attract guests for OFI Sunday. So far he's lured Jimmy Nesbitt, Zoe Lucker and ex-wife Billie.

But let's not knock Chris for bribery. Frank Skinner, Jonathan Ross and Richard & Judy are all said to offer gifts, from "vast sums of money" (Chris's words again) to exclusivity deals and Tattinger champagne. And an audience.

* OFI Sunday, ITV1, Sunday, 10.30pm

By janehoskyn on December 9, 2005 in Channel: ITV1, Quote of the Day, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle | Permalink | Comments (0)

Shiny Shiny on the Telly

Steven_mackintosh Can't decide whether to be more excited about the telly return of Steven (Undercover Heart) Mackintosh or the name of the programme he's in.

Shiny Shiny Bright New Hole In My Heart, clearly named after our blogmate Shiny Shiny, is a one-off drama about a Mancunian GP whose wife can't control her spending. Kind of NHS-issue Wayne and Coleen.

Nipping in for a turn as a wealthy shopper is Daniela Nardini, who, if you were alive in the 90s, will always and forever be the Scot in the skirt out of This Life.

* Mackfact: In 1985, 17-year-old Steven Mackintosh played schoolboy Nigel Partridge in The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 3/4.

* Shiny Shiny Bright New Hole In My Heart, BBC2, early 2006

By janehoskyn on December 7, 2005 in Channel: BBC2, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (1)

Quote of the Day

House "LA is just too damn sunny."

Hugh Laurie, who's got to live in toasty California while we lucky things freeze our nethers off in traditional British style. Laurie, get your sunnies on and get back to work.

* House (Season 2) starts on Five, Thursday 19 January, 10pm

By janehoskyn on December 7, 2005 in Channel: Five, Imports, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Man of the Year: Chris Langham

Chris_langhamIt's a tight finish in the Comedy Man of the Moment contest. Peep Show loser and brilliant rent-a-panellist (HIGNFY, The Last Word, QI...) David Mitchell fought long and hard, but the gong must go to The Thick of It star Chris Langham.

Hangdog sexbomb Langham cut his teeth in TV comedy before David Mitchell cut his teeth in Farley's Rusks. See Not the Nine O'Clock News? That's Chris shuffling around in the background.

* Langham newsflash: Langhamites must prepare to explore unknown territory: ITV1. Our man stars as a radio host in Seven Second Delay, an upcoming Granada pilot that features another TV Scoop favourite, Sally Phillips. Is channel three suddenly going all cool on us?

By janehoskyn on December 6, 2005 in Channel: ITV1, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Return to the Rovers

Corrie_ian_mckellen Psst: Corrie Blog says that the Sunday Mirror says that Sir Ian McKellen of Galdalf will return to the Street next year.

The thesp, who turned down the role of Elsie Tanner's nephew in the 60s because the Coronation Street cast made him scared, played writer Mel Hutchwright last summer for 10 episodes.

After the break: A brief history of Corrie cameos

Gandalf's not the only starry name to have downed pints in the Rovers:

* Peter Kay first appeared as a shopfitter in 1997. Seven years later in 2004 he wore a bad ginger wig to play Shelly's Unwin's date, Eric Gartside.
* Norman Wisdom played Ernie Crabb (July 2004).
* Honor (Cathy Gale) Blackman played flirty pensioner Rula Romanoff (Sep 2004).
* Maureen Lipman played Lillian Spencer (2002).
* Patrick Stewart, Joanna Lumley and Prunella Scales all had minor Corrie roles before becoming famous.
* Michael Crawford and ex-Man Utd goalie Peter Schmeichel have also been spotted in the background.
* Laurence Olivier asked for a part, but he was too ill to appear. Derek Jacobi and Anthony Hopkins also asked their agents to put in a word, but haven't yet appeared. Says Hopkins, "Life isn't worth living if I miss an episode".

* Coronation Street, ITV1, 7.30 tonight

By janehoskyn on December 5, 2005 in Channel: ITV1, TV News, TV People, TV Tittle Tattle, Webwatch | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dermot for Breakfast

Dermot Fuzzy-headed lady magnet Dermot O'Leary has been unleashed by C4 in its battle to make you watch telly in the morning.

C4 hopes that Dermot's pulling power is enough to overcome the natural human urge to hit 'snooze' 28 times before falling out of bed into yesterday's pants and running for the bus without brushing your teeth.

According to The Sun, the show will be called Morning Glory, which, by quite extraordinary coincidence, is already the name of E4's breakfast prog. Hm. Dermot for breakast... morning glory... you know what? Maybe it was just a dream that the Sun had.

By janehoskyn on December 5, 2005 in Channel: C4, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Simon_amstell "The TV programme I watch most is Channel 4's Popworld, hosted by Simon Amstell and Miquita Oliver. I'd like them both to be my adopted children. In my capacity as Simon's Jewish mother, I worry about what he's going to do in the future... just like Johnny Vaughan was magnificent on The Big Breakfast but has spluttered since."

Alexei Sayle, pop daddy.

* Popworld, C4, Saturdays, 10.30am
* Space Cadets feat Johnny Vaughan, C4, Wednesday 7 Dec, 9pm. Warning: May contain spluttering

By janehoskyn on December 5, 2005 in Channel: C4, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Review: The Late Edition

Marcusbrigstocke Q: "Marcus, why the long face?"
A: "They made me do What's the Problem with Anne Robinson."

The BBC hasn't got a clue what to do with Marcus Brigstocke. Too noodle-headed to promote his satirical BBC4 gem The Late Edition to their big channels, they gave him a gig as Robinson's comedy monkey instead. If you saw it and are still in pain, then imagine how poor Marcus felt.

After the break: Brucie goes gay, and Gordon's electric organ

But Brigstocke wriggled free of the ginger faceache and is back where we like him best, fronting his increasingly confident Britification of Jon Stewart's Daily Show. It's a pity that hardly anyone watches BBC4, because The Late Edition and its channelmate The Thick of It were two of 2005's classiest comedies.

The Late Edition, whose second series is now half-way through its run, succeeds because Brigstocke is a likeable and whip-sharp frontman with an excellent band of scribblers at his service. Any man who can pull off a "gayer or straighter?" version of Play Your Cards Right deserves better than a digi-sat graveyard slot.

Best bit of Thursday's show, though, was the re-soundtracked news clip of Gordon Brown making a speech. Ever noticed the irritating paper-prod he does when he speaks at a podium? Late Edition turned Gord's quirk into art by inserting chords from a Bontempi organ. More wit than an entire series of Anne Robinson's big-channel excretion.

* The Late Edition, BBC4, Thursdays, 10.30pm

By janehoskyn on December 4, 2005 in Channel: BBC4, Comedy, TV People, TV Reviews | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Ashley_jensen "Some of them have fascinating lives and careers. Other people do it to get out of the house. But then there's the odd one who says, 'I don't really do this'."

Ashley (Maggie) Jensen, talking about the extras in Extras.

* Extras Series 1 DVD, £11.99

By janehoskyn on December 4, 2005 in Channel: BBC1, Comedy, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Quote of the Day

Casanova "I thought I'd feel more confident in the role if I was feeling more confident physically, so I worked out every single day for five weeks. Then I didn't get to take my shirt off until week ten of filming, by which time it had all gone to pot."

David Tennant, who was totally ripped under his pink shirt in Casanova. If only we'd known.

By janehoskyn on December 3, 2005 in Channel: BBC3, Quote of the Day, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Moron Sacked

Piers_morgan Ditched Mirror editor Piers "Morgan" Moron has been kicked off Channel 4 after his Morgan & Platell chat show got fewer viewers than a fresh roadkill on the A11 just outside Norwich.

Moron says the show would've been massive if they'd got better guests and people hadn't thoughtlessly chosen to watch Strictly Come Dancing or The X Factor instead.

Sadly, smugboy has not left TV for good. In the spring he'll pop up in a BBC1 series with the working title You're Fired. He's also developing another project with C4. Woop-e-do.

By ShinyMedia on December 1, 2005 in Channel: C4, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Chris Morris: I.T. Boy

Chris_morris2 We'd always thought Chris Morris was an urban myth, a sort of comedy Beast of Bodmin. But sources who went to a filming of new C4 sitcom The I.T Crowd have reported that Morris is in it, and does in fact exist.

Because he's so famous, Morris has only got a small role in The I.T. Crowd. The people who have to learn lots of lines are Nicholas Burns, who played the titular pebblehead in Morris's alrightish Nathan Barley, and Richard Ayoade and Garth Marenghi from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. To round off the cosy comedy-clique, it's written by Graham (Father Ted) Linehan and produced by Ash (The Office) Atalla.

* The I.T. Crowd, C4, February 2006

By ShinyMedia on November 30, 2005 in Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Spaced Cadet

Nick_frost Controversially, Nick Frost has taken yet another job that does not involve working with Simon Pegg.

As well as starring in Pegg's new pub quiz sitcom La Triviata, Pegg's new film Hot Fuzz and the Peggless Man Stroke Woman, Frost is now filming Hyperdrive, a sci-fi sitcom about the crew of the spaceship HMS Camden Lock.

Hyperdrive also stars Kevin Eldon from Big Train and Nighty Night, and was scribbled by Black Books writers Kevin Cecil and Andy Riley.

* Man Stroke Woman, BBC3, Sundays 10.30pm
* Hyperdrive, BBC2, expected summer 2006
* La Triviata, C4, expected summer 2006

By ShinyMedia on November 30, 2005 in Channel: BBC2, Channel: BBC3, Channel: C4, Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Simm on Mars

John_simm Small-screen drama deity John Simm has finished filming the Beeb's biggest buzz of the new year, time-travel cop drama Life on Mars.

LoM is basically an action-packed 1973 police series with a 2006 bloke plonked in it. Simm plays ambitious young Manchester 'tec Sam Tyler, who finds himself back in the 70s after a car crash. Oops. Has he travelled back in time? Is he dreaming? Is he insane? Why is he wearing ball-clenching brown trousers?

Hopefully these questions will be answered at some point, rather than simply ignored and replaced by more questions. You know, like in Lost.

After the break: Life of Simm

John Simm: Life on TV

- Early days
Rumpole of the Bailey (1992), Heartbeat (1993), Chiller (1995)

- Isn't it that bloke out of Human Traffic?
Cracker (1999), Spaced (2001), Horizon (narrator, 2002 and 2004)

- Proper famous
The Lakes (1999), Clocking Off (2000), State of Play (2003), Life on Mars (2006)

* Life on Mars, BBC1, January 2006

By ShinyMedia on November 29, 2005 in Channel: BBC1, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Comic Strip Returns

Comic_strip Eighties comedy mothership Comic Strip Presents... returns to C4 for one night only at the end of December. It'll be like a big festive orgy of famous comedy people.

CSP long-timers Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer and Peter Richardson are joined by Doon (Smack the Pony) Mackichan, Rebecca (The Day Today) Front and Phil (Stella Street) Cornwell for Sex Actually, a suburban murder mystery involving a waterbed and wife-swapping.

One thing confuses us. Executive Producer is Cleo Rocos Smith, who doesn't exist on IMDb.com or even on Google, except in C4's Comic Strip press release. Could this be Cleo Rocos, she of the big boobies on Kenny Everett's Television Show? We're on the trail.

After the break: Big, huge names who started out on CSP

Why CSP is School for TV Comedians

* The Thick of It maestros Chris Langham and Peter Capaldi both did CSP service. Langham was in CSP... Private Enterprise (1986) and Capaldi was in CSP... Jealousy (1993).

* Keith Allen was in 17 CSPs and wrote four of them.

* Robbie Coltrane was also in 17 CSPs, and Kathy Burke appeared in four.

* Anthony Head and Emma Thompson were in CSP... Slags (1984).

* Hardcore CSP gang members are Adrian Edmondson, Dawn French, Rik Mayall, Nigel Planer, Peter Richardson and Jennifer Saunders. They all appeared in the first film, Five Go Mad in Dorset. It aired on Channel 4's opening night, 2 November 1982.

* Alleged newcomers Doon Mackichan and Phil Cornwell were both in a handful of 1992 CSPs.

* CSP also appears on the CVs of Peter Cook, Ruby Wax, Jim Broadbent, Alexei Sayle, Mike McShane, Dexter Fletcher, Gary Olsen, Leslie Phillips, Miranda Richardson, Julie T Wallace, Josie Lawrence, Miriam Margolyes, Sean Hughes and Tim McInnerny.

* Comic Strip Presents... Sex Actually, C4, Wednesday 28 December

By ShinyMedia on November 29, 2005 in Channel: C4, Comedy, Nostalgia Corner, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Off the Pegg

Simon_pegg_nick_frost See this picture? Simon (Spaced) Pegg is so busy, he has to wear a hat to stop the steam coming out of his head. Thrill to the size of his workload:

* WRITING La Triviata, a new C4 sitcom about a pub quiz team. No dates yet, but likely to be aired in autumn 2006.

* SHOOTING Shaun of the Dead follow-up, Hot Fuzz. Says Pegg: "There will be running and jumping, and punching, and there will be some shooting." It co-stars serial scene stealer Nick Frost, currently the best thing about BBC3's Man Stroke Woman.

* PROMOTING Mission:Impossible 3, which comes out in the summer. Tom Cruise, says Pegg, "is a thoroughly nice man. Not short, weird or spouting Scientology." Pegg adds: "Hollywood is big."

By ShinyMedia on November 29, 2005 in Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Nostalgia Corner: Tiswas

Tiswas Nouveau Trevor & Simon Dick & Dom are said to be in talks with ITV about hosting a new version of 80s anti-Blue Peter Tiswas.

Was the resurrected D&D-hosted Ask the Family just a nightmare we had? Or are Dick & Dom really going to mangle another kids' remake? Or did The People just make it up?

After the break: More Tiswas news, plus Sally James

What we do know is that Tiswas will live again briefly this Saturday on the Beeb's Dick And Dom In Da Bungalow. Matthew Lewis was briefly famous in a Makosi kind of way for dressing in a bunny costume and singing Bright Eyes on Tiswas at the age of six, and he'll be reprising the spectacle this weekend. Cue puzzled looks from the studio audience of confused kids who neither know nor care what Tiswas is.

* Tiswasfact 1: Sally James appeared on Tonight with Trevor McDonald to say that her facelift wan't very good.
* Tiswasfact 2: John Peel and Buster Bloodvessel were once locked in a cage together for a whole show.
* Tiswasfact 3: When Tiswas began in 1974, you could only see it in the Midlands. See, there are reasons to live in Birmingham.
* Tiswasfact 4: Stand-up guests included Spike Milligan, Jasper Carrott and Bernard Manning.
* Tiswasfact 5: Sally James now owns and runs her own business, Unismart. It supplies school uniforms.

By ShinyMedia on November 29, 2005 in Channel: ITV1, Nostalgia Corner, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Nostalgia Corner: John Craven's Newsround

Newsround It's spin-off season in teatime telly land. First Richard & Judy launch their wine-tasting show on More4, and next year BBC1 gives us Newsround Investigates – TV for kids who wear their Blue Peter badges to school.

We were those kids. Which is why we're delighted with this excuse to roll out some Newsroundfacts:

* Newsround stopped being John Craven's Newsround after JC left on 22 June 1989. This upset us, much like Nestle changing from "Nessle" (as in "Nessle's Milky Bar") to "Nest-lay".
* Craven is just one of many famous telly JCs. Others include John Cleese, Joan Collins, Jason (Robin of Sherwood) Connery, Julian (fisting Norman Lamont) Clary and Jesus (Songs of Praise) Christ.
* The sign-off ditty was sampled by Orbital for their 1999 track Spare Parts Express.

* Jonathan Dimbleby was interviewed for the presenter's job, but he didn't get it. Because John Craven was better.

* The bongotastic Newsround theme tune, Johnny One Note, was performed by Ted Heath and his orchestra. Not that Ted Heath.

* Craven claims he invented "And Finally", and ITN stole it for News at Ten. ITN contests this.

* The first spin-off, Newsround Extra, was launched in 1975, with an in-depth look at Rollermania. We love you, Les.

* When JC interviewed Mother Theresa in 1984, she spoke so quietly the interview couldn't be used. Yeah, speak up, love!

* JC pioneered the desk-sitting approach in the early 70s, and the scripts used to fall off his lap. When Kirsty Young copied the desk-sit for Channel Five News, she wisely held her scripts.

* JC is rumoured to have released a single under the name John C Raven. I can't Google anything about this, but the rumour comes from the BBC, so it must be true. Everything the BBC says is true. Please email me if you have any information.

* Newsround broke major stories including Thatcher's election as Tory leader in 1975, the attempted offing of Pope JP2 in 1981 and the Challenger disaster in 1986.

* The telephone on JC's desk rang once. JC smiled and said "that's the first time that's happened." He didn't answer it.

* Newsround always ran an April Fool story. Memorable examples include the one about the first panda egg laid in captivity, and the dog learning to drive. There is still a small but suggestible number of thirtysomethings who think that pandas lay eggs.

By ShinyMedia on November 26, 2005 in Channel: BBC1, Nostalgia Corner, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Peep Goes the Beeb

Peep_show_2

David Mitchell and Robert Webb are hatching an Evansesque conspiracy to take over broadcasting. While Peep Show continues its third series on Channel 4 and David busies himself with guest slots on QI and More4's The Last Word, BBC honchos are angling for a bigger slice of the M&W action.

M&W spent years polishing their satirical weapons on Radio 4's That Mitchell & Webb Sound. With a predictability that Coldplay can only dream about, the Beeb has now decided that they're famous enough to transfer to telly. A TM&WS pilot shoots in January and screens on BBC2 in the spring.

But where will TM&WS land on the radio-to-telly transfer axis?

BACK OF THE NET
* Little Britain (R4) -> Little Britain (BBC2, 2003)
* Room 101 (R5) -> Room 101 (BBC2, 1994)
* On the Hour (R4) -> The Day Today (BBC2, 1994), Brass Eye (C4, 1997)
and I'm Alan Partridge (BBC2, 1997)
* Son of Cliché (R4) -> Red Dwarf (BBC2, 1988)
* Whose Line Is It Anyway? (R5) -> Whose Line Is It Anyway? (C4, 1988)

YEAH BUT NO BUT
* Dead Ringers (R4) -> Dead Ringers (BBC2, 2002)
* Blue Jam (R1) -> Big Train (BBC2, 1998) and Jam (C4, 2000)
* Goodness Gracious Me (R4) -> Goodness Gracious Me (C4, 1997)
* The Mary Whitehouse Experience (R1) -> The Mary Whitehouse Experience (BBC2, 1991)

ROOM 101
* The Shuttleworths (R4 and R1) -> 500 Bus Stops (BBC2, 1997)

By ShinyMedia on November 25, 2005 in Comedy, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)

Boozalonga R&J

Richard_and_judy It's not just Buffy characters and simpletons off Friends who get spin-offs, you know. Richard & Judy's Wine Club has been such a hot slot on the C4 teatime show, presumably because its target audience is so bored by 5pm that they're already on their third bottle of Merlot, that it's getting a whole five-part show to itself on More4.

Funny how booze is turning into the theme of the week. New licensing laws, R&J's wine show, and now Bestie... [hold that thought]

* Richard & Judy's Wine Club, More4, Monday 12 December

By ShinyMedia on November 24, 2005 in Channel: C4, Channel: More4, TV News, TV People | Permalink | Comments (0)