Space Cadet Unmasked #1

In a fiendish double-bluff twist, it emerges that one of the nitwit contestants on C4's Space Cadets is not a big-haired Scots electrician at all, but a big-haired Scots actor who's had his barnet ruffled in a professional capacity by Gordon Ramsay.

Afro scoundrel Ryan McBride is in that National Blood Service ad where Ramsay manhandles his hair and says, "If it wasn't for this man, my son would have died from a ruptured spleen." Gotcha!

After the break: Conspiracy conschmiracy

Online forums are now alive with speculation that C4 is, in fact, hoaxing viewers, and that all the contestants – not just the "three actors" – know they're not going into space.

Nonsense. Of course they think they're going into space (well, not Ryan – he wasn't picked). C4, saddled with a knicker-soiling bill for this show, must be delighted with the extra excitement.

The subtleties of Paul and Billy's gormlessness would be beyond any actor. And being in an ad with Gordon Ramsay does not mean you're a full-time actor; it means you're a jobbing sparky with attention-seeking hair and a desperation to be on TV. That ain't no conspiracy.

Move on, folks, nothing to see here.

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