Who Ate All The Pies

David Beckham to live the Herbalife at LA Galaxy

Health firm Herbalife are the latest business to buy into Brand Beckham after becoming the new shirt sponsors of LA Galaxy. The company flogs weight loss and nutritional products, despite a logo and name which make it seem like the friendly face of marijuana dealing!

Herbalife has signed a deal worth between $3.5 million and $5 million every season until 2011 with Beckham's new team, which should cover his wages for a couple of hours! LA Galaxy are the second MLS side to take advantage of new rules allowing them to sell shirt sponsorship. [Via SoccerFiesta, Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Newcastle United 2007-08 home shirt

The release dates for the new kits seems to get earlier and earlier each season. Newcastle's home shirt for next season is already available for pre-order ahead a 2 May launch. Out go the traditional stripy sleeves in favour of an a much more black affair. Think more zebra than bar-code for the 2007-08 season! Click here to pre-order. [Rob Parker]

Kit Parade - Ronaldinho Barcelona Shirt

With Liverpool taking on the mighty Barcelona in tonights Champions League grudge match, it's worth showcasing the Catalonians tangerine away kit.

For the first time ever, the Barca shirt features a sponsor, but rather than sully their kit with a McDonalds golden arches or somesuch, they got a nice charity adorning the front. Well, KitBag are selling the Barca shirt, complete with first ever sponsor and Ronaldinho name/number printed on the back, for £49.99. So if you're a Liverpool fan, you might want to purchase one tomorrow like claiming a scalp... or, Everton fans might want to rub in a savage beating. Either way, one half of Merseyside should be interested in this come the morning. [Mof Gimmers]

Click here if you want to buy the Ronaldinho Barca Shirt from KitBag

Kit Parade: Porto

Jose Mourinho goes head-to-head with former club Porto tonight (Sky Sports Xtra/Sky Sports HD 2, 7.45pm) in the Champions League. The Portuguese champions will be wearing this blue and white number. Thick stripes are very much 'in' this season and Porto have followed the likes of Barcelona in cutting their stripe count. Like rivals Benfica, Porto are sponsored prominently by Portuguese Telecom. Click here to buy the shirt from UKSoccershop for £39.99.

Kit Parade: Lille

Lille will play host to Manchester United in the Champions League tonight. And if you put your money on red this evening it will be the casino-sponsored French outfit rather than the Red Devils you are backing. The kit is manufactured by French brand Airness, who you are most likely to know from supplying Fulham's kit. Indeed the shirt is pretty much the Fulham one in different colours. Click here to buy it from Subside Sports. [Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Zulte Waregem

Belgian outfit Zulte Waregem are Newcastle's opponents in the Uefa Cup tonight. Expect them to take to the pitch in this white with red and green trim shirt. Click here to buy it from the official website.

Click here to see them in action against Sparta Prague. [Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Bayer Leverkusen

Blackburn's Uefa Cup opponents Bayer Leverkusen favour this little red number from the house of Adidas. The kit is similar in style to the Germany national kit. The hand that appears to be groping the wearer's left breast belongs to energy company RWE. You can buy the kit from Kitbag for £44.99 by clicking here. [Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Ronaldo 99 AC Milan shirt

AC Milan's new signing Ronaldo made his debut in front of a half-empty San Siro yesterday. The man we quite cruelly dubbed Rotundo during last summer's World Cup came close to scoring against Livorno in his brand spanking new number 99 shirt. The shirt is available to buy complete with Ronny's name and number from AC Milan's online shop, although - with a delicious irony - XL shirts are not yet available! Click here to buy it.

 

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Lithuania

One of the more unusual ties thrown up by this week's round of international friendlies is Lithuania versus Mali. If you are a collector of obscure football shirts or simply a Hearts fan, you might like to purchase the Lithuanian kit! This is the side that held world champions Italy to a 1-1 draw last September. And this despite the fact that their shirt looks like it belongs with an amateur ice hockey team with poor taste! Click here to buy it for £39.99. [Rob Parker]

England's new kit is rubbish

Ladies and Gents, let Pies be the first to pass judgement on the new England home shirt.

It's shit.

This really is the worst England shirt that Pies have ever seen, and can only hope that this is some terrible mistake. Surely the blind morons designers at Umbro can come up with something a bit cleaner and more universal than this monstrosity? Click on the mage to see it closer up... if you're mental enough.

[Mof Gimmers]

Vincenzo Montella L'Aeroplanino t-shirt from Tshirts365

Italian striker Vincenzo Montella is well on his way to becoming a cult figure at Fulham after three goals in three substitute appearances. And where there's a cult figure there usually follows a TShirts365 tshirt. Voila! This airline-style top is a reference to Montella's aeroplane goal celebration and accompanying nickname ( 'L'Aeroplanino'). Click here to buy it for £14.99. Just remember which website tipped Montella to be a hit first!

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Petr Cech's rugby headguard

Petr Cech has revealed that he will have to play in a rugby-style headguard for the next three years to protect his fractured skull. The Chelsea keeper returns to full training today and will be sporting his custom-made head gear, which includes a protective metal plate.

Cech said: "It doesn’t limit me, I’ve been training with it for two months and got used to wearing it. I am not going to be afraid. The training sessions confirmed I have nothing to fear." You can get a similar headguard from Kooga for that authentic Petr Cech look. Click here to buy it. [Rob Parker]

More rugby news and views from our sister site Scrumbag

Kit Parade: U-S-A!

Fulham fans can celebrate Craven Cottage's new status as the American Embassy by snapping up the USA national team shirt. With Clint Dempsey having agreed a move to join Brian McBride and Carlos Bocanegra, and Chris Coleman still keen on Oguchi 'Gooch' Onyewu, west London is becoming a home-from-home for exiled Yanks. The retro-style shirt – which puts me in mind of a Nike-sponsored Escape to Victory – is reduced to £19.99 at Kitbag. Click here to buy it. More kits on Pies
[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Chelsea away 1961 retro kit

This simplistic but nice replica of the 1961 Chelsea away shirt is courtesy of legendary retro shirt manufacturers Toffs. This was the style of shirt worn by Jimmy Greaves as he found the net 41 times in one season. The white v-neck with blue trim has found its way into the Kitbag January sale and is available now priced £26.99. Click here to buy it.

View all the latest entries on our Kit Parade here

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Southend United

Giant-killing Southend United face Tottenham tonight with a place in the Carling Cup semi-finals at stake. Having seen off Manchester United, the Shrimpers now face Martin Jol's side at White Hart Lane. The Championship's bottom-club have their kit supplied by Nike. It's a basic but sleek navy blue shirt with white trim. Sponsors Insure and Go sound like some Essex wideboy firm who sell you a policy and then vanish! Click here to buy it.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Plymouth Argyle, away shirt

We've featured Argyle manager/Pies legend Ian Holloway plenty of times – and we'll continue to do so – but we've not yet looked at the Pilgrims' kit. This is the away shirt, made by Puma, and rather nice it is too. As an Argyle fan, I must admit that our kits are usually a bit cheap-looking, so it's nice to have a smart kit made by a decent manufacturer (they also do World Cup-winners Italy). Just don't mention the sponsor… BUY IT

Kit Parade: Eintracht Frankfurt

It's time to look at another Uefa Cup shirt. This time it's Eintracht Frankfurt, who will host Newcastle this evening. The overall theme of the shirt is downmarket AC Milan. The thick red and black stripes are courtesy of Jako (kit supplier to Portsmouth). The sponsor, Fraport, is the owner of Frankfurt Airport. Click here to buy it.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Celtic

Celtic have thus far avoided our Kit Parade net, but tonight's Battle of Britain (© 1729 The Red Tops) with Manchester United seems like a good opportunity to have a look at the Bhoys' outfit. And here it is. The green and white hoops should not come as a great surpise, although the green is a little easier on the eye than some previous efforts. If you're feeling a little more exotic, you could always go for the International away kit. Both shirts are available from Celtic's Kitbag store by clicking here.

[Rob Parker]

Kit parade: Adidas Originals Vintage Football 54

These very old-school football boots are based on a design worn by the German national team in 1954. I can't quite figure out if they're meant to be worn merely as fashion trainers or if you can actually play football in them – if it's the latter don't forget to play with a waterlogged leather ball whilst wearing them, for the full retro experience. Either way, they look pretty swish. BUY THEM

Kit Parade: Holland warm-up tracksuit

Ever wanted to warm-up in the same tracksuit Arjen Robben wears to warm-up when he's on international duty? No, me neither but I'm sure you don't have to wear the Holland warm-up tracksuit exclusively for warming up. It will presumably be on display tonight before kick-off as England's hosts go through their pre-match preparations. The outfit is available from Kitbag price £79.99 (mannequin not included).

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Palermo

Pink shirts and a mafia complex sounds like a recipe for disaster, but Palermo actually pull it off quite well. The Lotto design is salvaged from Ukraine's World Cup shirt, but it looks better in pink and black than yellow and blue. The completely mafia unaffiliated Italian club host Newcastle in the Uefa Cup tonight at their ground on Sicily. You can buy the shirt from Palermo's website by clicking here.

Kit Parade: CSKA Moscow away shirt

CSKA Moscow are at the Emirates Stadium this evening for a Champions League clash. As their hosts will have first pick on red home kits, I suspect CSKA will be wearing this little number. The Umbro-supplied outfit has some unusual red and black trim.

RUSSIA LANGUAGE TRIVIA: The sponsor's name is actually Vneshtorgbank in English. So now you know.

[Rob Parker]

I Ate All The Pies T-Shirt

Everytime you come to the finest football site on the web, you are asked a question. That question being, "Who ate all the pies?" Well, thanks to the folks at Football365, you can now answer that question in T-Shirt form.

You can proudly strut around claiming "I ate all the pies" whilst balancing a pint of ale on your pronounced paunch! Available from Tshirt365, and costing a measly  £14.99.

[Mof Gimmers]

Kit Parade: Crewe Alexandra

Manchester United are in action in the Carling Cup tonight which seems like a good excuse for neutrals to get behind Crewe Alexandra. It will be Dario Gradi's side in red this evening - this spotty-sleeved Diadora number in fact. Here it is displayed on a rather fetching green table cloth. League One is a world away from the Old Trafford Megastore! Click here to buy it.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Fenerbahce

The navy and yellow-striped faithful of Fenerbahce are on Tyneside this evening alongside the black and white-striped regulars for a Uefa Cup tie. The Turkish club are currently celebrating their centenary season and this is the shirt designed to commemorate the occasion. You can buy it by clicking here.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Bordeaux

This minimalist effort from Puma is ruined by a South Korean car manufacturer's sew-on billboard clashing with the rest of the shirt (the logo-less version is much better). Bordeaux's traditional flying V – a look which can only be pulled off by them, Melchester Rovers and rugby league teams – is retained, but in a more subtle manner than previous shirts. Click here to buy it.

Bordeaux are at home to Liverpool in the Champions League tonight.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: FC Copenhagen

FC Copenhagen (or Kobenhavn if you prefer) are hosting Manchester United tonight in the Champions League. I'm not sure which kit they will be wearing - they have two European kits - but this is one of their options.

The kit is supplied by Kappa, which means one thing (no, it isn't that they don't have to talk like Vicky Pollard and push a pram around); the kit is skin-tight. Whether this is a wise decision in the country that gave us Jan Molby is debatable. You can buy the kit by clicking here.

[Rob Parker]

Top 5 Retro Roy of the Rovers kits

1. The 1970s Edition. There's nothing like seeing a Melchester Rovers strip to bring back memories of a time when a footballer could get kidnapped, shot, have his foot amputated after a helicopter crash and STILL crack in a hat trick every week. Okay, maybe not after the amputation. Anyway, this 1970s Melchester kit remains the definitive edition, in Brandish's heart at least. BUY IT

2. The 2000 Edition. You don't see many 21st century teams with whopping great Vs on the front of their shirts. For shame. Not that this stopped Melchester from making a brave fashion statement for their 2000 kit, of course. The traditional red'n'gold are still to the fore, of course. This is the kit to go for if you remember Roy's son Rocky, who took over the goalscoring after his dad's foot was lopped off. BUY IT

3. The 1950s Edition. Ah, the fifties, when a man could slide in and batter a goalkeeper with any available limb without fear of being penalised by the ref (or shouted at by Jose Mourinho). The 1950s Melchester kit has an old-school collar and badge, plus buttons for that vintage chest-rug-peeking-out effect. BUY IT

4. The Trackie Top. Because not everyone can be on the pitch playing alongside Roy, Blackie Gray and, er, Spandau Ballet. If your wing-scampering days are well behind you, this garish tracksuit top may be more appropriate. It's warm, and perfect for dancing about on the touchline shouting "GET YOUR HEAD TO IT RACE, YOU F***ING PILLOCK! STOP WORRYING ABOUT THOSE BLOND LOCKS!" Or something. BUY IT

5. The 1960s Edition. England were winning the World Cup, and Melchester were... well, probably spanking all and sundry with improbable footballing feats from Roy, I'm guessing. The 1960s kit isn't quite as dashing as the 1970s one, but it sports the same round neck, along with bright yellow sleeves. Now that's style. BUY IT

[As seen on splendid sister site Brandish]

Kit Parade: Reading away kit

Reading have only had one opportunity to give their away kit an outing so far (against Wigan). This shirt would be plausible as a Bradford City home kit. According to the spiel on the website, the kit is "one of the first kits that spearheads the isometric look of kit designs." If you fancy putting yourself at the forefront of isometric football shirt technology, you can buy it by clicking here.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Tottenham

As we have already featured Tottingham's grotesque brown third-kit, it only seems fair to give their actual away strip an airing. I suppose you would call this 'cyan', especially if you happened to be an inkjet printer. The simplified Spurs 'cock on ball' badge is quite classy. You can buy the kit from Kitbag by clicking approximately... here.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: The glory-hunters' early season wardrobe guide

There is nothing like a bit of success on the pitch for a football club to bring any number of supporters out of the woodwork. Although that might aggravate the diehards, it is good business for shirt sales. Click below to read the glory-hunters' guide to the current top kits. And for any amateur sports psychologists out there, it seems like red is the way to go.

Premiership

The Old Trafford Buccaneers are notoriously slow starters in the Premier League, but not this year. They are enjoying their best ever opening to a campaign and United shirts can once again be worn with pride around the country (Manchester excluded, obviously). Click here to buy it.

Championship

Cardiff City are the surprise early leaders in the Championship despite selling star striker Cameron Jerome to Birmingham City. The Bluebirds are now level on points with Birmingham and Wolves, but lead the way on goal difference. Click here to buy it.

League One

Forest look very capable of hauling themselves back into the Championship this season. An excellent string of results has seen them overtake early leaders Port Vale to top the table. They have opened up a three-point gap over nearest rivals Tranmere and have 19 points from their first seven games. Click here to buy it.

League Two

Dennis Wise's Swindon Town have sneaked into top-spot in League Two. Their loss at Wrexham at the weekend was their first defeat of the season, but they have the chance to bounce back tonight against fellow promotion-chasers MK Dons. Click here to buy it.

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: West Ham's Argentina connection

West Ham fans wanting to make Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano feel at home might want to try rooting through the wardrobe before splashing out on an Argentina shirt. A glance at the West Ham kit back-catalogue reveals a couple of options for the thrifty Hammer!

[Via KUMB]

[Rob Parker]

Kit Parade: Macedonia

The only picture I can find of Macedonia's current kit is this poor quality one (not to mention the fact that it is displayed on a lovely rug). In all honesty it doesn't differ very much from the last Macedonia kit I saw. If you want to buy it online, then tough as far as I can see. It is available from the Piramida sports shop in the City Shopping Centre, Skopje, for €26 if you happen to be passing by.

Rob

Catch 22: The Easy Pink or Difficult Brown

OK, picture the scenario: you're a manly, professional footballer faced with the horrifying choice of wearing a pink kit (Weymouth, Juventus and Everton, to name three) or a brown kit (just Coventry City and Spurs, as far as I know).

What do you do – take the easy pink or difficult brown?

'Ban Thatcher for life' t-shirt

Football365 don't mess about. They've already rushed out this 'Ban Thatcher for life' t-shirt – I've not known an incident provoke such ire among the football community. Thatcher's a marked man for the rest of his career; to be honest, it's nothing more than he deserves.

Buy the t-shirt here - I'm sure it'll sell well in Portsmouth.

Extraordinary Kits from the past

Over the years, there have been some mental kits. Man United's amazing invisible kit that cost them points at Southampton. Spurs new poo brown one. All these pale in comparision to what our Victorian cousins used to wear. Pictured left is the kit Chesterfield wore in 1892. Patriotic and then some! Better still is Bolton's old kit of red polka dots that resembles some dreadful jockey jersey. Salmon pink features heavily too with Everton, Pompey and Brighton all adopting the minging colour.

To check out some amazing old kits, follow this link to Historical Kits and see what your club could've had you wearing

Mof Gimmers

Chelsea Stamford Oilers t-shirt

I love British football's black sense of humour – we may not be the best footballers in the world, but by God we can take the piss out of our enemies better than anyone else, as this Chelski-mocking Stamford Oilers t-shirt proves.

It's available from T-Shirts365, for £14.99. Because every team deserves a Russian billionaire.

Kit Parade - Reading Shirt

So, Premier League whipping boys new boys Reading will be taking to their new Premiership surroundings in their famed blue and white hoops. It's not a bad kit actually, seeing the side opt for something simple and effective. It's got the inclusion of an 80s collar too, so would-be rude boys can turn it up a la Cantona.

Reading have also got a new away kit and 3rd kit... but they shouldn't have bothered. Why? A strange by-law says that Reading don't ever have to wear an away kit as they are 'the royal team'. Preston also share the no-away-kit-needed ruling as they won the first league title or something. There you have it. Everyday's a school day with Who Ate All The Pies!

Mof Gimmers

Kit Parade - Bolton's new away kit

So Bolton have a new away kit to replace the very attractive navy blue one of last season. With Reebok being the sponsor of the club, you would have thought that no expense would be spared... right? Wrong. It seems that Reebok has forgotten about quality, and gone for cutting corners. No raised sponsor. No embroidered badge. All plastic transfers. To make matters worse, the Reebok logo is in text speak. There must be a rationing on letters in the world eh?

Mof Gimmers

Shit Kits No.1: Chelsea's 'graphite and tangerine' away kit

In the first of an occasional series celebrating hideous kits of seasons past, where better to start than with reigning champions Chelsea.

I still have nightmares about their 'graphite and tangerine' away kit, sported between 1994-1996. I'm pretty sure Ruud Gullit, who made his Chelsea debut wearing this monstrosity (see picture), does too.

If you hurry, you might still be able to buy this design classic on eBay…

New Man City away kit with added six pack

What do you do when half of your supprt are fat pie muching knackers? Do you introduce a healthy option to the half time snack kiosk? Or maybe you encourage them to walk to the ground instead of driving? Naaah... sod all that... just stick a six-pack in the weave of your away shirt! If you click on the image, you can see it close up, and guess what... no-one is going to be fooled when they see Richard Dunne pull one on.

Mof Gimmers

Spurs unleash new brown away kit. Aaaaaargh!

Coventry City famously wore a hideous brown kit in the 70s and they've still not shaken off the grim association of that fashion disaster – so you'd have thought that Spurs, or any club for that matter, would know better. But no. The colour of Tottingham's new third strip for the coming season is milk-chocolate; or, if you prefer, shit-brown.

Why?

Kit parade: Liverpool

Liverpool's new Adidas home kit is launched on 10 August (pre-order it from Kitbag, if you like). It's red and has a fancy collar, and, let's face it, looks pretty similar to every Liverpool kit from the past decade. After all, there's only so much you can do with an all-red strip. Stevie Gerrard looks 'dead 'appy' to be wearing it, as you can see.

Arsenal's new kit for 2006/07 season. Red and white is the new maroon etc.

Look familiar? I'm not an Arsenal fan, but it's good to see them playing in red and white again.

Kitbag has the new Arsenal home kit here.

P.S. Nuff respect to Edgar Davids, who played for old club Ajax in Dennis Bergkamp's testimonial at the new Emirates Stadium this weekend. Davids was inevitably booed every time he touched the ball, thereby fulfilling his role as the afternoon's panto villain. Not so much 'He's behind you!' as 'He's tackled you from behind!'

Jesus Saves, Satan Scores t-shirt

I don't have much time for slogan t-shirts, but I'll happily make an exception for this, which managed to raise a smile, even though I'm laid low with bronchitis (which sucks, btw). You can buy it online from Shotdeadinthehead, for £18.

Buy a signed Zidane shirt for just £140!

Is it the heat sending me crazy, or is £140 for a French team shirt signed by Zinedine Zidane (pictured) an absolute bargain? When you're paying £40 for a new unsigned replica kit, why not throw in an extra £100 and own a piece of history? After all, ZZ is now one of the most infamous players in the history of football.

Available now on eBay (better move fast, I'm sure someone will snap it up – I'm only telling you this cause I don't have 140 quid spare!)

Man Utd's new Busby kit

Manchester United's new kit has been designed by Nike to echo the strip worn by the Busby Babes, who won their first league title 50 years ago. I like its simple, retro look (complete with long, baggy shorts), although the AIG logo is a bit crap. The verdict on fans' forums seems to be overwhelmingly positive – but then Man U fans love to remember the past, especially now that Chelski are preventing them from getting their hands on the Premiership trophy.

You can pre-order the kit (launched on 27 July) from Kitbag.

Bolton's new away kit uses Play Dry technology. Whatever the f**k that is

Another example of a team changing its away colours on a seasonal basis. Bolton played in dark blue away from home last season, so why change to maroon? Anyway, Reebok's new away shirt for the Wanderers features its trademarked Play Dry technology, which apparently possesses 'moisture management properties'. In other words, it dries fast cause it's made out of 100% polyester.You can buy it online from Kitbag.

Newcastle's new away kit. What gives with the red and blue?

I wish clubs would make up their mind when it comes to away kits – some change their away colours every year. If memory serves, the Magpies last had a red-and-blue away kit in the 1995/96 season – Adidas's Newcastle away kit for the 2006/07 season resurrects that colour scheme and looks a bit of a murky, sub-Barcelona mess. If that floats your boat, you can buy it online, from Kitbag.

Fulham's new kit has thumb holes. Wtf!

This season I will mostly not be wearing… a football shirt with thumb holes. I repeat, thumb holes. What the hell were the designers at French sports company Airness thinking when they put frickin' thumb holes in the new Fulham kit? What possible purpose does a thumb hole serve, apart from making a laughing stock of your team? Luis Boa Morte looks confused and can you blame him? If this is indeed true and not an internet spoof, then Jimmy Greaves was right – football is 'a funny old game'.