Who Ate All The Pies

Cult Hero: Roberto Mancini

I used to love Mancini, with his feathery hair and casual brilliance – he made scoring goals look so damn easy. The team I support in Italy is Sampdoria, purely because Mancini played for them in the Eighties and Nineties.

Stuart McCall back to Bantams?

Rumour has it that Bradford are keen on taking Stuart McCall back to the Bantams in a managerial role. Let's hope he performs better on the touchline than he does when he's seen wobbling around and falling off cars. Still, not a drop spilled. A legend.

Steve Morrow goes wrong in celebration

Steve Morrow. Remembered for only one thing. Being unceremoniously dumped on his head after scoring the winner in a cup final for Arsenal and nearly perishing. So, what better way to relive the moment than with Baddiel and Skinner taking the piss out it?

[Mof Gimmers]

Eamon Dunphy's latest rant: 'Steven Gerrard found out... a nothing player'

Liverpool must be buzzing today. They've just beaten Barcelona! The European champions for crying out loud! Well, whilst the players smile away, any neutral who watched the game must be wondering why they bothered. With most of the press being, shall we say, kind to Rafa & Co, the same can't be said for the marvellous Eamon Dunphy and chums over on Irish telly. They stuck the boot in on The Reds performance, and anyone wanting a chuckle at some Liverpool bashing, watch the video below and smirk (or get riled) as he quips "I was hoping in the last fifteen minutes that Barcelona would beat them... Liverpool were terrible in the second-half. If that was a concert, you’d boo". Weren't we all puzzled when Bellamy was brought off for Jermaine Pennant?

Pele soccer skills video

Pele is not just the ambassador for erectile dysfunction. He is also one of the greatest players who ever lived, if not the greatest. I think we've been avoiding Pele videos on here for fear of being too obvious… however, this video is probably the best on the web at showing his dazzling skills and lethal finishing. Enjoy.

Cult Hero: Mark 'Sparky' Hughes

Bad hair, big ankles, brilliant goalscorer – that just about sums up Sparky.

Vladimir Romanov is officially a mentalist

Vladimir Romanov may just be my favourite man in football. He's absolutely insane. By no means would I want him taking the reigns at a club I supported, but boy, he doesn't half make me piss my pants with laughter.

Romanov once released an insanely marvelous statement to the Scottish press, saying "I'm very glad that you finally got down from the trees and found a worthy place for yourself - a safari park. It shows you have both the habits and instincts of monkeys. I'll visit the director of the safari park and ask for a personal cage for each of you. One thing is very important. First you have to pass the quarantine rules and the vet will vaccinate you against rabies. So you are not allowed to join the monkeys yet." He's also ranted about Bolsheviks shooting peasants and now, his finest hour yet, another bonkers attack on the Scots media and women who deny themselves love. Read over and get ready to rub your eyeballs in disbelief.

Romanov latest odd rant looks at referees and his auld foe, the media. He said: "Today I will express my opinion in English about refereeing in order that your Mowgli will not make you tell lies. To discuss whether referees take money or not is the same as discussing a woman who gives herself with no love. Isn't it better to concentrate on the standard of their work instead of looking for reasons for their poor performance? A woman cheats herself and nature if she gives herself without love.

"If a referee officiates a game based on his personal love, he commits a cynical crime, especially when the public has trusted him. I respect those referees who take money from two stupid teams and then honestly officiates a game. They do not harm football in any way. Though it is bad, still everybody is equal for them. Now it has become obvious to me why you, the Monkeys (his nickname for the media), were trying to ruin Hearts not only in the Championship, but in European competitions as well. I think it was not without your help that the 'frozen' referee from Russia was selected to officiate our match and that in the games against the Greek side we got three red cards".

He's as brilliant as he is baffling. I'll point out that this wasn't translated to make it sound more nonsensical. Give the man a chat show. [Mof Gimmers]

Gazza to star in horror flick

Gazza, G8, Paul Gascoigne... whatever you call him these days... has apparently agreed to appear in and turn his hand to producing new movie Final Run. Gazza will make his big-screen debut as a survivor of an alien invasion alongside the oh so very lovely Lois Winstone (daughter of Ray). According to production company SjB Imperial Film Ltd, he will play a character "forced to choose between his own survival and that of the human race." The company added: "As a part of the key creative team, Paul’s input into the script and vision are invaluable. Gascoigne, a lifelong genre fan, lends his considerable expertise as both producer and feature actor." Let's hope he's half as good on the big screen as he was on the pitch eh?

Cult Hero - Steve Bull

As a youth, Steve Bull was the bane of my life. Back in the old 4th division, I recall Steve Bull (and his striking partner Andy Mutch) tearing my beloved Bolton Wanderers apart with poise and, pardon the pun, bullishness and great tenacity. He is one of England's greatest ever strikers.

He signed for Wolves in 1986 for a measly £65,000 and remained there until the end of his professional career in 1999. His 13 years at Wolves, The Tipton Terrier broke no less than four of the club's goalscoring records and became their all-time leading goalscorer with 306 goals in competitive games (250 of them in the Football League, also a club record) and became their highest goalscorer in a single season when he scored a total of 52 goals in competitive games during the 1987-88 season. He also scored a club record of 18 hat-tricks. It's little wonder that Bully is regarded as such a legend at the club that one of the main stands at their football ground, the Molineux, is named after him. He also scored 4 goals in 13 games for England which is not a bad return for someone who never played in the English top-flight. Click over to see Bully's cracker for the England side.

Combover king Ralph Coates scores a cracker!

Ralph Coates, formerly of Spurs and Leyton Orient was the king of the combover. He rivalled Bobby Charlton, not only in the barnet department, but also on the pitch. What this cracking goal he scored for the O's and also, watch what happens when Mark Lawrenson is faced with a "good, honest, earthy shoulder charge..."

Glenn Hoddle showreel

It's hard to recall an English player that is as naturally gifted as Glenn Hoddle. He could do just about anything with a ball, and in the eighties, when this was a rarity, he was a delight to watch. Inside the 18-yard box he was lethal... and was twice as deadly from distance. His goal against Watford in this video is a far superior chip to that of a certain Mr Rooney. Bow down to the master.

Wee Gordon Strachan in 1977

Gordon Strachan was a tenacious and tricky little player in his day... little being the operative word. Before days of winning the Cup Winners Cup with Aberdeen, and spells at Leeds and ManYoo, the wee man was a rising star at Dundee. Watch him tear apart Abroath with his hair nearly as big as he is all the way back in 1977...

[Mof Gimmers]

Andrei Kanchelskis hangs up his twinkle toes

Former Manchester United winger and all round twinkle toes Andrei Kanchelskis has decided to retire from football. Kanchelskis, now 38-years-old, said: "You need to leave at the right time. Now seems a suitable moment to begin a new chapter in my footballing life," added Kanchelskis, who will be deciding his plans in the coming weeks.

Kanchelskis won two titles and an FA Cup during his time at ManYoo won two Premiership titles before buggering off to join Everton in 1995. He then went onto have spells at Fiorentina, Rangers, Manchester City, Southampton, Al-Hilal in Saudi Arabia and Saturn Moscow Krylya Sovetov. Despite being born in Ukraine, Kanchelskis opted to play for Russia following the fall of the Soviet Union, winning 36 caps and scoring five goals. His greatest accolade came last year when he was voted as the 47th greatest Premiership player ever by Pies writers.

Click over to see Andrei's wonder goal against Oldham in the FACup semi final, or alternatively, click here to see his hilarious showboating...

Torres fancies Arsenal?

It's enough to make you sick. Spanish wonderboy, Fernando Torres is saying that, should he move to England, he fancies Arsenal. Imagine it. Torres, Fabregas, Van Persie... oh, and that Thierry Henry chap. They would officially be the most attractive footballing side on the planet.

Manuel Negrete's wonder goal in Mexico '86

I can't believe that this hasn't been featured on Pies before as it is my favourite goal ever. Mexico '86 was my first World Cup proper, and the first goal to make my eyes pop out was this wonderful strike by Mexico's Manuel Negrete. A sublime volley that is rewarded with Negrete's hair being pulled and his head being slapped by his team-mates. That's gratitude for you.

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Boli and Waddle rap

Basile Boli and Chris Waddle played together in the rampant Marseille side of the early ninties. They also recorded a rap record together. Watch, and cry your unbelieving eyeballs out. It's actually worse than Diamond Lights.

[Mof Gimmers]

Cult Hero: Socrates – the coolest player of all time?

Socrates Brasileiro Sampaio de Souza Vieira de Oliveira is arguably the coolest footballer of all time. He had the coolest name, the coolest beard, the coolest national team… he was just damn cool. And he could play a bit, too. If you can name a cooler player, go ahead…

Sing-a-long a Thierry Henry

I think we may have had this on before, but it's always worth seeing again. Thierry Henry scores a wonder goal and just when you think that nothing on earth could match it, the commentator steps up and gives a rousing rendition of the Cornetto advert. Bloody class. Why doesn't Motty ever do this?

Pies salutes the new president of Uefa. It's Michel Platini!

Michel Platini is the new Uefa president after beating former president - and part-time walrus lookalike - Lennart Johansson in a vote in Dusseldorf. Platini, aged 51, said: "This is just the beginning of an adventure. I'm happy to be able to represent European football. I'm very moved and very happy."

Of course there are pros and cons to any appointment like this. On the one hand he is not Lennart Johansson, but on the other hand he is French! A tricky one to call, but we will take the opportunity to salute Platini the player.

[Rob Parker]

Jeff Stelling invents Ruud Van Gullit

Jeff Stelling has an unenviable job. He's paid to talk no stop for hours about football matches. Sounds fun on the surface, but would you get excited about someone getting his 6th goal of the season for Rochdale? Of course, in all that gabbering, Jeff gets the odd thing wrong (Like his famed "They'll be dancing on the streets of Total Network Solutions tonight!"). One of Jeff's gaffes included the brilliant invention of the 'best player in the universe'. Watch the great man in action.

Garrincha: Forgotten footballing great

Garrincha, in my opinion, is too often overlooked when great players names are mentioned. It's all Pele, Cruyff, Platini and Maradona. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with looking back at those players, but surely we all know how great they were? Garrincha (which means 'Little Bird') was an explosive talent both on the pitch and with the ladies. He was born with several birth defects: his spine was deformed, his right leg bent inwards and his left leg six centimeters shorter and curved outwards, but still had extraordinary dribbling skills. It's testament to his prowess that during a game, he dribbled 'round a player half a dozen times before the ball went out of play... and the referee let the game continue as he was so mesmerised by the winger's skill as he continually dummied and shimmied around the opposition.

Cult Hero: Kevin Francis

Back in the days when Peter Crouch was still in short normal-sized trousers, Kevin Francis was English football's token giant. The 6ft 7in striker made his name at Stockport County, having moved to Edgeley Park from Derby in 1991. He scored an impressive 117 goals in 202 games for County before being drafted into Barry Fry's mammoth Birmingham City squad for £800,000 in 1995.

Cult Hero: Kevin Francis continued

Francis never quite repeated the success of his Stockport days at St Andrews. He eventually left in 1998 to trawl around the lower divisions, stopping only to accept an international call-up to the St Kitts and Nevis squad. Big Kev hung up his sizeable boots in 2001, but was voted Stockport's all time Cult Hero in a BBC poll in 1994. [Rob Parker]

Classic Moment: Boris Johnson's rugby tackle

I can never watch this too many times. Just the best comedy tackle ever witnessed on TV.

Cult hero: Mark Hughes

When people look back on great players, one name is often omitted. That name is Mark Hughes. 'Sparky' had spells at Barca (where they called him Leslie), Bayern as well as spells at Everton, Chelsea, Southampton and Blackburn. However, it's his time at ManYoo where he'll be remembered best for his explosive finishes... and curly mullet.

Mourinho spits his dummy out over pocket money and Terry still out

Chelsea special one Jose Mourinho has accused the Stamford Bridge board of refusing to back him in the January transfer window. It would seem Jose doesn't think he's had enough money already!

Reports have already suggested Mourinho could leave in the summer after a fall-out with owner Roman Abramovich and Mourinho said: "I've identified the players that I want but they will not come. It's club reasons and I don't have to tell you why. I have asked for players and it's not my choice that no-one is coming." It's rumoured that this refers to Mourinho's want for another defender and a forward during the window. However, the outspoken boss says if he is unable to bring in any new faces then he will not allow any of his squad to depart.

Jose spat "The information I have is that nobody is coming and if that's the case then nobody is leaving. It's not my club - I'm just the manager. I expect my squad to be the same at the end of the market as it was at the start."

Mourinho refused to discuss his Stamford Bridge future, only saying: "My position is not important. Chelsea is what is important, not me." Meanwhile, the Blues have got further bad news with captain John Terry's return to action being delayed by a sore calf (the big jessie!). The England captain was expected to make his return from back after having surgery for back problems against Wigan at the weekend but Mourinho confirmed he will not feature. The boss said: "John had surgery, he is recovering from that, but he is not ready yet. We have a lot of problems, because Ashley Cole and Claude Makelele face suspensions, and I do not see Terry back. There is no timescale on John. The only thing I know for sure is that he will not play against Wigan on Saturday. I am not a doctor. John is not fit to train with the group. He is not in my collective sessions yet, so he is out for the weekend." [Mof Gimmers]

Bruce Grobbelaar and his wobbly legs

I don't think we've featured this classic footballing moment before, but Bruce Grobbelaar and his wobbly legs is always worth seeing again. You surely need balls of steel to do something like this in a European Cup final... still, it paid off for Grobs as Liverpool beat Roma to lift the trophy.

Wembley heartbreak

For the first time in years, fans could once again sing "Wemb-er-ley... Wemb-er-ley" as, with any luck, this season will see the FA Cup final go back to its spiritual home. Of course, Wembley doesn't just hold great memories, but some heartbreaking ones too... that's what the national stadium is all about.

Zidane has a 5-a-side kick about

Imagine this. You're down the local leisure centre having a kick about with your chums... and then... Zizou turns up and makes a complete chump of you and all your pals. Well, I don't know if this is what exactly happened, but from this video, we can certainly see what such a thing would look like.

For more videos, click here

Gianluca Vialli video

I know what Chelsea need right now. They need someone upfront with power, finesse, guile, predatory instincts and a lethal finish. Sadly for The Stamford Oilers, they've already signed that person a few years ago in Gianluca Vialli. Watch this video and imagine how great they'd be with Vialli and Drogba up top.

For Chelsea news click here [Mof Gimmers]

Julian Dicks slates West Ham

If you go to the Shepherd and Dog in the village of Langham on the Essex/Suffolk border you can get a well appointed bar with a wide variety of real ales and guest ales. You can also get some forthright opinions on the state of the current West Ham squad from propreiter Julian Dicks.

The Hammers cult hero has launched an attack on the performances of captain Nigel Reo-Coker after their 6-0 drubbing at the hands of Reading on New Year's Day. Languishing in the relegation zone and four points adrift of safety Dicks seethed "I think there are certain players that really don't want to be at the club. Nigel Reo-Coker seems to have spat his dummy out. He's one person I'd get rid of and also Marlon Harewood."

Dicks added: "Certain players think they've got a God-given right to play but they haven't. They've got to earn that right to play at West Ham." In reference to new manager Alan Curbishley, he said: "He has to drop those players I've mentioned because they don't seem to care what happens to the club. At least if he brought in young kids from the reserves, they would give 110%," said Dicks. "With Reo-Coker, it seems clubs have come in for him and West Ham have not allowed him to leave, so he's happy just to pick up his wages."

The young skipper has received hate mail from fans blaming him for the sacking of former manager Alan Pardew last month. Meanwhile, former Upton park number two, Peter Grant, said the club made a mistake in getting rid of Pardew. Grant assisted Pardew in helping West Ham to ninth in the Premiership last season and a place in the FA Cup final. "It wasn't so much that they got rid of Alan at the time, it was the fact of what he built at the club," said the former Celtic midfielder. "That's not just at first-team level. When he took over the place was a shambles, there's no getting away from that, and he rebuilt it. He brought in a load of young players who were worth buttons at the time, and all of a sudden they're now worth £4m to £5m. So I think they were short-sighted in that respect." [Mof Gimmers]

Crouch shipped off to Newcastle in January?

With Liverpool being decidedly average so far this season, January sees Rafa Benitez given the opportunity to flex his Spanish muscle in the transfer market... and with his sights set on David Villa from Valencia, someone will have to make way. It appears that Peter Crouch is all set to be shipped out for a reported £12million... but who is daft enough to pay an inflated price like that?

It won't surprise you to learn that Newcastle are first in the queue to throw their money around like Ollie Reed in a 24 hour pub, with Toon boss Glenn Roeder seeing Crouch as the perfect signing to boost his injury-hit strikeforce.

Liverpool chiefs are reportedly saying that they are ready to let their 6ft 7in striker go - but have warned they first need to land long-term target David Villa from Spaniards Valencia for a whopping £22million. And if that bid fails, Kop boss Rafa Benitez will need to look elsewhere for a replacement. Crouch... who is still only 25, only signed from Southampton in a £7million deal 18 months which surprised a fair few (and that is putting it mildly) but has looked half decent for The Reds. It would appear that Robo-Crouch would be prepared to sign for Newcastle. [Mof Gimmers]

Jewell jumps to the defence of the special one

Paul Jewell has leapt salmon-like to the defence of Chelsea gaffer Jose Mourinho after he received a fair bit of criticism for 'card-waving' at Newcastle. The Portuguese has been criticised for attempting (allegedly) to influence officials, but Jewell, whose Wigan side face the Blues at the JJB Stadium tomorrow, is adamant there are bigger fish to fry.

He told The Times: "I was at the Chelsea game on Wednesday and I saw what Jose did, but everybody says and does things in the heat of the moment that we all think: 'I wish I hadn't done that'. There are worse things in the game than that though. Sometimes it all becomes a bit of a sideshow with managers doing and saying certain things. Last week it was me against Neil Warnock and now it's Jose Mourinho".

Jewell continued "the manager isn't playing and he can't influence things as much as people think. All this talk about manager's shenanigans - it's all about the players really. Jose is the way he is, but we all make instant judgements about things." Bloody 'ell, he'll be asking for diving to be legalised next! [Mof Gimmers]

Bolton plough on through Headington's snow

These days, it's perfectly fine to wish for a white Christmas with all this undersoil heating and such. It wasn't always like this though... didn't stop the tough nuts of the Bolton side in 1954 when they took on non-league Headington in the FA Cup 4th Round. As it's the week of giant killing, did Headington manage to beat Nat Lofthouse's Wanderers?

Gazza and the door-step challenge

During his time at Glasgow Rangers up in Bonnie Scotland, Paul Gascoigne, already known as 'troubled genius' by this point, was followed by a film crew. We all know that former Spuds and Newcastle player  Gazza (or G8) likes a joke, so see what happens when he took the film crew back to his new house...

Rivelino: A genius.

For me, the greatest left winger who ever lived was Rivelino. I'll admit there is probably better, but he's the one I like the best. Why? Well, he could hit a ball so very hard and true and, well, he seems a bit mental. His celebrations during Brazil's World Cup win in 1970 are the most enduring images... moreso than Pele and Jair and all that lot... and in the '74 World Cup, he looked like he was on crack! Rock and Roll!

Beckham for Bolton?

You've got to admire the gall of Sam Allardyce. He's attracted players normally thought to be out of reach for a club like Bolton Wanderers and the latest rumour is one of the biggest and best. With David Beckham unsettled at Real Madrid, it's got Sam sniffing around.

Big Sam believes Bolton shouldn't be discounted as a possible destination if Beckham decides to leave Real Madrid report Football365. "Bolton Wanderers would love to sign David Beckham, of course we would, " he Allardyce. "In the past when that sort of name has been attached to this club, people considered it as something that was never going to happen. But cast your mind back to Youri Djorkaeff. People scoffed and said he would never come to play for Bolton but he came... so did Bruno N'Gotty, Ivan Campo and Fernando Hierro - we've attracted some fabulous players to the club.

Sam continued "I am not saying that is going to get us Beckham but if it could, I would love it." However, it would seem that the big man thinks that Becks would prefer to stay in sunny Spain as opposed to gloomy old Bolton. "I don't think David is considering leaving Real Madrid, " he told Wanderers TV. "He wants to do well and fight for his place because I know how much he loves the club and how much he loves Spain."

Still, Big Sam is able to pull off ridiculous transfers. Rivaldo was still weighing up a move to the Reebok when Allardyce pulled the plug on it ("because he was pissing about" he told me in a pub once). It's unlikely that Beckham will want to play with the likes of Henrik Pedersen, but you'd be a fool to completely rule this out. With the signing of Anelka, Bolton are buoyed by their activity in the transfer market and offering Goldenballs a hefty payday would do wonders for the Trotters' season ticket sales. I might just stick a fiver on this. [Mof Gimmers]

Romario: Goal machine

Romário de Souza Faria more commonly known as Romário, has the psychique of a lunchtime boozer. He's rotund, lethargic and a pip-squeak (in fact, his nickname is Baixinho which essentially means short-arse). He's still playing now, well into his forties and has scored nearly 1000 official goals, which has only (officially) been obtained only by Pelé and Gerd Muller. In his time hes scored beautiful goals for Brazil, Vasco da Gama, PSV Eindhoven, Barcelona, Flamengo, Valencia, Flamengo, Vasco da Gama, Fluminense, FC Al Sadd, Fluminense, Miami FC and currently Adelaide United. Watch the cult hero in action scoring loads of ace goals!

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Fowler's touch-line sniff celebration

Marco Tardelli. Falcao. Lua Lua. They've all got something in common. They are as well known for their goal celebrations as they are their prowess on the pitch. Perhaps we should add another name to that. Robbie Fowler. Fowler's 'touch-line sniff', after scoring for Liverpool against arch rivals Everton,is one of the most famous moments in Premiership history. Is he a naughty boy? Who cares!?

Super goal from Josimar

Imagine. You play for Northern Ireland. You're playing at the World Cup finals in the blistering heat of Mexico. You're playing against Brazil... who, as we know, are a bit good. Then, just as you settle down, someone you've never heard of called Josimar does this to you. Enough to make you throw the towel in eh?

Classic Moments - Pardew scores the winner in the greatest FA Cup Semi-Final ever!

With all this talk of Alan Pardew, it's perhaps the perfect time to recall a peak in his career. Before his management days, he liked to play a bit of football. His greatest match came for Crystal Palace against the mighty Liverpool side of the late nineties. Earlier in the season, The Reds had battered The Eagles 9-0 in the league. The semi-final was a different matter altogether. In one of the greatest matches I've ever seen, the underdogs managed to win 4-3 with Pardew scoring the winner. Watch out for Ian Wright and Mark Bright's amusing anecdotes at the tail end of the vid.

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Saints go after Pressley

Heart of Midlothian is without doubt, the most bonkers club in Europe at the minute. With the insane ramblings of chairman Vladimir Romanov (click here and here for examples), they've managed to retain the mental one, and lose one of their best players, club captain Stephen Pressley.

So just how good is Pressley? Is he worth a punt from a Premiership manager? Well, the most interest is coming from Scotland and The Championship. Southampton gaffer, and former Hearts boss, George Burley has added his name to the list of those interested in Pressley. Pressley, now 33 (or should that say an experienced defender?), is wanted by a clutch of clubs following his very public departure from Tynecastle. Burley told BBC Sport: "I'm aware of Steven Pressley's situation and I'm monitoring it. But I would have to wait and see if we could do anything in the January transfer window."

Despite leaving Hearts at the weekend, Pressley isn't eligible to sign for another club until the January transfer window. Pressley's last game for Hearts was in November in the goalless draw at Inverness Caledonian Thistle. The Scotland international joined Hearts in 1998 but recently fell out of favour after voicing concern about the way the club was being run by mentalist majority shareholder Vladimir Romanov.

Rangers are believed to head the queue for the services of Pressley, who has been capped 27 times by Scotland and began his career at Ibrox. Celtic manager Gordon Strachan has also expressed interest and has not ruled out an approach, while Dundee United, Dunfermline, Leeds and Cardiff have also been linked with the centre-half.

In the Premiership, promoted sides Sheffield United, Reading and Watford are among the clubs said to be keen, but it looks as if Pressley would be interested in joining up with his former boss at Hearts. Burley has a record of attracting players who previously played under him (not in that way you mucky sods) and it seems that Pressley could want out of Scotland to avoid a reminder of his time in Edinburgh. Can't really blame him can you? As an outside bet, it would be worth sticking a couple of quid on his appearance in a Bolton Wanderers shirt. [Mof Gimmers]

The beautiful, short career of Marco Van Basten

Marco Van Basten may be the best centre-forward in football history. Such a shame that a chronic ankle injury forced him to retire so young – he was just 29 when he hung up his boots.

For more cool football videos on Pies, click here.

Jimmy Hill's road safety video

We've all seen how conscientious Kevin Keegan was, helping a nation's youth to safely cross the road. Well, step forward Jimmy 'Chin' Hill. Not to be outdone by that permed upstart, Jimmy taught the nation's drivers to... well... avoid mowing motor-cyclists down. Wise words... although, something tells me that the out-takes of this would have seen Jimmy criticising the positional awareness of the tricky cyclist, and how taking his eye off the ball allowed the car to make a last ditch challenge. 

[Mof Gimmers]

Steve McManaman video

You may have seen the Top 10 Real Madrid Goals of All-Time video that we featured on here. Well, I couldn't help but notice one glaring omission. That being the handful of spectacular goals scored by Steve McManaman whilst he played for the Galacticos. He scored some peaches for Liverpool too, so let's roll back the years with one of the original Premiership Spice Boys.

[Mof Gimmers]

Cult Hero: Temuri Ketsbaia

The Georgian Geordie remains a huge cult figure on Tyneside, not because he was an amazing player but because he was several cards short of a full deck:

Kenwyne Jones' celebrates

Last night, Birmingham and Southampton were involved in a 4-3 thriller which had great goals, funny goals and more. Highlight of the match was Kenwyne Jones' celebration, caught on video last night by a giddy Saints' fan

Beardo's brace for Whitecaps

Why would you want to watch the Vancouver Whitecaps playing a game in 1983 against a team called the Sounders? Well, apart from the fact that the Sounders is a funny team name and that listening to foreign commentary is always a giggle, you can see Peter Beardsley scoring a couple of cheeky goals for the club he played for either side of Manchester United, before finding real fame with Newcastle and Liverpool

The Ronaldinho XI

Imagine this. Eleven Ronaldinhos. Well, that's exactly what some Japanese ad execs thought, and with a bit of wizardry, they made it happen. Watch and imagine just how frightening a team of Ronnies would be (and no, I'm not including the teeth in that). You can see how it was made by clicking here.

[Mof Gimmers]

Cult Hero: Antoine Sibierski

Look, Tony Sibierski used to have a full head of hair! This pic was taken when he was playing for AJ Auxerre, in the mid-Nineties. Now, as the pic on the right shows, he's an almighty slaphead.

Sibierski is rapidly acquiring cult-hero status up at St James' Park – his winning goal against Portsmouth on Sunday did his cause no harm. Some fans, tongues firmly embedded in cheeks, call him the 'white Zidane'. He's obviously nowhere near that good, but it's easy to underestimate him. His touch is pretty good, he's excellent in the air and his work-rate is high enough to convince fans that he actually cares about the team he plays for.

Cricketers still playing footy?

So, as you mental cricket fas are watching our lads get the living crap kicked out of them by Ricky Ponting in the Ashes, it would seem that our England boys could do with an eagle-eyed fielder to throw down his stumps.

Sadly, Gary Pratt, the bloke who achieved cult hero status in 2005 by running out the Aussie captain at Trent Bridge, was snoring away at his home in Durham as England got their Ashes campaign off to a wobbly start. You'd think that he'd be up and awake, cheering the lads on, but Pratt was cream crackered after playing for Crook Town FC against Seaham Red Star in Thursday evening's Arngrove Northern League Division Two game. Pratt has turned to football to keep in shape after he was released by county side Durham in August. "I didn't really fancy running so I thought I'd go and train with the local football team - then I ended up playing," he told BBC Sport. "I'm a striker usually but I've played in midfield recently. We won the first three games but we've had a bit of a, um, dry patch recently and lost the last four." Pratt was a trainee with Sheffield Wednesday in his teens, but at 16 decided to focus on cricket and he remains hopeful that he will sign for another county before the season starts in March. [Mof Gimmers]

Ramelow leads the fans in song

When Spurs play Bayer Leverkusen, lets just hope this doesn't happen eh? Although, in saying that, it would be nice for our spoiled bratty Prem' stars to interact a bit wouldn't it? Gimme a B! Gimme an E! Gimme... oh forget it. It's too bleedin' long!

[Mof Gimmers]

Terry Venables has a sing

Terry Venables. When he's not being regarded as a tactical genius or a villian (depending on which side of the fence you're on), he can be found crooning or on a sunbed (presumably). Well, thankfully there is no video of El Tel sunbathing, so here he is, singing his little heart out!

Strachan shoots down English Premiership

Wee Gordon Strachan believes that the difference between the SPL and the English Premiership is minimal. Strachan sees his runaway league leaders take on Premiership leaders Man United tonight at Celtic Park and has heightened the pressure before the game by deriding the claims that the English league is the best in the world.

"We know the SPL is not the same as the English Premiership, but there's not that great a difference," said Strachan. "We'd be competitive in the top half of the Premiership. I think they give themselves too many pats on the back for being the best league in the world. It's all right at times, but I've seen some dire games there as well."

Tonight's game comes three years after Ferguson completed a Champions League double over Rangers, and now, he gets the chance to repeat the honour against the other half of the Old Firm. A United  victory would ensure their place in the knockout stage of the competition, although it won't be easy against an in-form side who have only lost one game in the past eleven home matches... and that was to Barcelona.

"It's one of the most exciting matches I've been involved in, but it's not the biggest, that's for sure," said Strachan ahead of the game. "It will be a great occasion, fantastic. But if you ask me if it is the biggest game then I will say no. Is it the most exciting? Possibly. There's been a few games where I've been under a lot of pressure." Strachan's side are hoping to reverse the 3-2 defeat at Old Trafford against the leaders of Group F. Kenny Miller, expected to return from injury has stated that Manchester United are their to be beaten. "We need to get something from the game, there's no doubt about it," he said. "But it has been shown that they can be beaten, they are not immortal. They are a good team, don't get me wrong, but we can beat them. We know that we have enough in the squad to go and win the game."

United will have an eye on their huge game with Chelsea on Sunday, but Ferguson will be wary of making too many changes after losing 1-0 to FC Copenhagen last time around. He said: "I have not made my mind up about who should be left out. We took a risk in Copenhagen, so we are well aware of the dangers of taking too many chances. There is a temptation to play my strongest side because we still have another five days before the Chelsea game."

These matches, often dubbed the 'Battle of Britain' inevitably see thoughts move to the a much debated possibility of Scotland's biggest two clubs testing their abilities in England.Ferguson concedes the pair could succeed, he does not believe they will ever have the opportunity. "Over the years there has been talk of British leagues," reflected Ferguson. "If the barometer of how successful Rangers and Celtic would be is the friendly games they play, they would probably do very well. But the situation is not as simple as that, and in any case the situation is all hypothetical because I do not think it will ever happen. It is too difficult a move." Until such a thing happens, we'll settle for these thrilling European matches which could see United needing to win their last game to ensure qualification in the competition. All eyes on Glasgow. [Mof Gimmers]

Celebrate the 50th Birthday of You Are The Ref

Guardian Books have released a book for the 50th birthday of the brilliant 'You Are The Ref'. For those not in on the joy of working out various refereeing problems, YATR is a cracking little cartoon strip that asks you how you'd solve a myriad of odd problems that can crop up during a game.

Some, you'll remember for life. Like the one where, if the ball stays in play by bouncing off the linesman's flag, play continues as it counts as part of the match equipment. Although, in twenty years of watching football, I have seen that happen a glorious zero times. Gary Lineker said of YATR "Why was I never booked as a player? Maybe it was all those afternoons reading You Are The Ref as a boy ... a fantastic strip by a brilliant artist. This book is a fitting tribute to 50 years of a real football classic." Guardian Books is offering you the chance to win signed original artwork from the book if you buy a copy of the full colour, hardback book, discounted to £10.99. [Mof Gimmers]

Arise Sir Joseph of Barton says Lord Corradi

Bernardo Corradi became a Manchester City cult hero this weekend. A humourless face, mixed with a pair of goals (out of the blue I might add) and a celebration that defies any logic whatsoever. Bernardo, you're a legend.

[Mof Gimmers]

Hearts fans stage protest

Hearts fans are understandably angry at the situation surrounding their club. On Saturday, they staged a protest aimed at daft-as-a-brush owner, Vladimir Romanov after the 1-0 defeat to Rangers. The Jambos chairman remained at his Lithuanian base instead of making the trip to Edinburgh for their loss, probably cowering under a (very pricey) desk or something. A crowd of around 200 people gathered outside Tynecastle afterwards to protest against the running of the club, chanting, "Sack the board" and "Romanov must go".

The Gorgie boys are (understandably) furious that talisman Steven Pressley was left on the bench for a game which could prove vital in the race for second spot in the table. The Hearts fans spent most of the 90 minutes singing his name. So, when does a chairman stop acting proudly, and start listening to the people who pay the players wages?

Pressley missed their last game amid reports of a plot to oust him as captain and a question mark  still hangs over his future at Tynecastle today. This latest crisis comes just weeks after Pressley - flanked by Paul Hartley and Craig Gordon - revealed "significant unrest" at the Edinburgh outfit. Romanov, desperate to appear in control of the situation dropped Pressley, which has seen results on the park beginning to suffer, and the loss against Rangers sees them drop to a disappointing fifth in the table.

"The fans were unhappy even before this game," said the Jambos sports director Alex Kozlovski. "You always respect the opinion of the fans because the fans are the basis of any club. I think when Mr Romanov comes to Britain, he will answer any questions."

It's nothing short of staggering to see one man virtually ruin a club overnight. Of course, he has backed them financially, but the swinging doors that have seen five managers come and go in quick succession surely must make the alarm bells ring? When your arguably best players call for an end to the 'unrest', then you should stop and listen. Without your players, you can't win matches, and with the fans well and truly offside, the players will not getting the backing they need to succeed. All chairmen go through spells of being hugely unpopular, but if Romanov continues, he'll surely run the club into the ground with a mixture of unsettled players and angry fans. Look at Aston Villa's fortunes. From being a nothing side with average managers, to a flourishing side with happy fans. Romanov will be turning his asset into something quite the opposite.

Meanwhile, whilst all this goes on, Pressley, Heart mercurial captain, will be edged closer to the door, and inevitably end up at one of Heart's rival clubs in Glasgow. It seems that there is commercial suicide going on in Edinburgh, and for now, the poor fans have no choice but to protest, and ultimately, vote with their feet. [Mof Gimmers]

Michael Owen Video

WIth news that Michael Owen will be "back to the top" according to his knee tickler surgeon Dr Richard Steadman, it may be worth reminding ourselves what an 'on top' Owen looks like.

Kevin Keegan Green Cross Code Spoof

We all remember Kevin Keegan's after school endeavours don't we? His disasterous appearance on Superstars, his 'hit' single 'Head Over Heels' and of course, doing ads for Brut aftershave. Well, King Kev also did a public service advert for crossing the road with safety. Well, watch it again... with disasterous results once more.

[Mof Gimmers]

Cult Hero: Brian Deane

You can imagine compiling the 100 Greatest Premiership Players is a pretty subjective task. But while you, our faithful readers, were left to squabble over the relative merits of Eric Cantona and Thierry Henry, no player divided opinion at Pies HQ like Brian Deane.

One thing we could agree on is that Brian Deane is the archetypal Premiership striker. A 6ft 3in targetman, Deano was flicking on headers and holding up hopeful long balls while Kevin Davies was still flailing his elbows and goal-hanging in the schoolyard. He scored the first ever Premiership goal when he netted against Manchester United on 15 August 1992.

Cult Hero: Brian Deane continued

The big lump allegedly scored a couple of goals with his feet to go with his collection of headers, but video evidence to back up this claim is limited! His career record of 195 goals in 653 games might not make for pleasant reading, but his 239 appearances and 106 goals for Sheffield United certainly stand up to scrutiny.

Deane made a £2.9 million move to Leeds United in 1993 and stayed at Elland Road until 1997. He played out his career with spells of varying lengths at Benfica, Middlesbrough, Leicester City, West Ham, Sunderland and Perth Glory. He eventually hung up his boots at the end of last season after a cameo role in Sheffield United's promotion.

I would have loved to see Deano scrape into our top 100, but he was pipped by Emile Heskey!

[Rob Parker]

Batigol Batistuta

Right foot, left foot, six yard box, from distance, with his head, knee, face... Gabriel 'Batigol' Batistuta could probably fart a goal in. Let's celebrate one of the greatest strikers the world has ever seen.

[Mof Gimmers]

Super Goal from Andrei Kanchelskis

In the days when Andrei Kanchelskis was ace, and Oldham starred in Semi Finals, goals like this were seldom seen. So enjoy.

Retro Sticker Albums on the Web

In the days when men were real men... albeit with terrible perms (like the one sported by Graeme Sharp on the left) and bruiser tasches... sticker albums were full of players who didn't even know what a stylist was, and if they did, they'd probably chin 'em. Well, if you're getting dewy eyed about the good old days (note, they weren't that good) you'll be glad to know that someone has compiled a top little site where you can browse through two complete sticker albums from 1984 and 1985. You can search players by club or league... or better still, by hairs